Finding The Upside...

 

Hi!

Sometimes it's hard to discern whether a storm is brewing or clearing. 

Which one you are hoping for will depend on where you are and the circumstances in which you find yourself. 

You may need rain, and are more than willing to put up with the howling wind, crashing thunder, and dangerous lightning that comes with it because, well, it's the way it is. Sometimes that's how the rain you need comes, you can't control in what way or how much you get. 

You may be satiated, drenched, on the verge of being flooded, and the very LAST thing you need is more rain, let alone the crap that can come with it. It feels like if one more single drop falls, it will simply be too much, the ground will collapse beneath you, and you will disappear. 

So, whether you are desperate for rain, or are holding on by your fingertips as you wait for the storm to clear, you, meaning all of us, have to come to understand that we have zero control over the storms, their intensity, how long they last or the level of replenishment or damage it provides. 

But...

Because we know storms are inevitable, we can prepare. If something huge is coming over the horizon, we can batten down the hatches, tie things down, put things under shelter... prepare. If it's a simple shower coming with a bit of an umbrella and some boots, we can dance in the puddles, making the best of it. Finding the upside. 

Of course, there are storms that come out of nowhere, without warning. They blindside us, and can do damage that can feel impossible to come back from. The trauma caused by storms like this is impossible to get through alone. Family, friends, and communities come together to help each other through. Finding, even though it is so incredibly difficult to find, the upside.

Recovering from brutal storms takes time. Rushing, or trying to cut corners rarely works. You just have to do the work.

Your personal storms are unlike those of anyone else. How you are prepared or wired to handle them is also unique. It can be anything from a bloody nose to a cancer diagnosis. It can be the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one. It can be a flat tire or a crippling car accident. It can be a pimple on prom day, or a near-fatal heart attack.

I think both the blessing and the curse are that we don't get to choose when or where or how severe our storms might be. We can make choices to mitigate what we can. We can eat healthily, do everything we can to avoid addictions, move our bodies, and be kind, not only to others, but to ourselves as well. 

So....

Prepare by making the best choices you can for yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Do your best to find the upside, even, and maybe especially when you need time to do so. 

At the end of the day we are here to do the best be can with the time we are given. In dark times time can seem to stand still, in bright times it seems to fly by at lightning speed. But, literally, if we are very lucky, we get to walk this planet for several decades. 

The global average life expectancy is about 74 years. That's 3848 weekends. How are you choosing to spend them?

I hope in a never-ending search for the upside. 

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May you, when hit by the worst, reach out, reach up, just reach until you feel the hand of someone reaching back.

May you see that you're worth the work it takes to recover, no matter the damage, you can, with help and time, get on track. 

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When The Smoke Clears...

The first two photos are credited to CTV

 

Hi!

So, right now, in several regions of Canada, wildfires are out of control. People have been evacuated, smoke is prevalent and far-reaching, and the fight is far from over.

The heat and flames continue to chase the wildlife from their safe spaces into the unknown, inevitably putting them in harm's way. 

Firefighters, the military, and volunteer citizens are doing everything they can to stop this monster from consuming any more land. It seems like an impossible battle, but battling remains the only choice. 

Fire is a greedy enemy without conscience, without discretion, without remorse. There is no cease-fire in this kind of war. This enemy never rests, it is greedy and is driven by perpetual hunger.

So to those who are in the path of this beast, can taste its breath, and feel the rhythm of its soul,  please take care. If you are being asked to evacuate for safety, please do. No matter how important to you, no matter how hard you worked to create the life you have, physical belongings will never be worth your life. I can't imagine how hard it must be to drive away from your home, not knowing if it will be there when you return. I know I'm not alone when I tell you my heart aches for what you are going through. 

To those who are trying to turn the cause of this tragedy into something political by sprinkling your conspiracy nonsense all over it, just stop. The situation is stressful enough without you pulling gullible people into your crazy. Although the experts believe about 45% of the current burn has been caused by human carelessness, there is NO evidence that this is some co-ordinated anything by anybody. It just isn't. So just stop it. Trying to pit people against other people when the real war is between people and the fire is simply wrong. Period.

To those who are fighting the fires... this list includes the official firefighters, the pilots, the plane mechanics, the volunteers, the companies donating equipment, the data trackers... all of you... Although the biggest Thank you feels absolutely inadequate, it's all I can do from where I am. I am in the process of finding out the best ways to do more with donations etc. I sincerely wish I had the resources, power, and/or influence to do more. Please take care. 

When the smoke clears, hopefully, the damage done can be repaired, and people will have intact lives to get back to. The recovery from something like this must be incredibly hard, how could it not be. Canadians tend to be resourceful, resilient, very community-minded, and the ability to work hard is simply part of our DNA. Recovery is not a matter of if, it's just a matter of when. 

In the meantime, if you are willing and able to donate please get in touch with your local government official's office to find out the best way to do so from where your are. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Hi!

Ahhhhh Mother's Day....

As every Mom is human, the chances that any of us are perfect are nil.

There, I fixed it. 

Being a Mom is messy. Being a Mom is exhausting. Being a Mom often requires us to develop skills that go against our nature. Being a Mom demands more sacrifice than anyone can make us understand before we become one. Being a Mom is hard. Being a Mom will both fill and break your heart.

Being a Mom is a privilege. Being a Mom is an honour. Being a Mom is a soul-crushing level of responsibility. Being a Mom is standing by with baited breath as you watch pieces of your heart exist, live, love, and grow outside of yourself. 

Being a Mom is pouring yourself into the care, nurturing, and guidance of these humans, trying desperately not to screw it up, all the while knowing your failures, whether big or small, are inevitable. 

We set ourselves up.

We have this romantic vision of Mommyhood. The perfect baby's room with all the perfect furniture, with all the perfect accessories, the perfect toys. Our baby will be sleeping through the night in mere weeks. They will be out of diapers by two and the very latest. They will be reading and doing university-level calculus by kindergarten, because we are just that good.

Then reality seeps in. 

The truth is this. 

There are no two children who thrive under identical parenting. Each kid is different and needs different things. If you read these ramblings regularly, you know we have 4 grown daughters. Each of them needed a different kind of parenting. It makes sense. 

Every human has their own unique needs that help them thrive. It's not one size fits all. What helps one person thrive makes another wither. 

Some need to learn by doing, others by observing, and some, need both equally. 

Look, all we can do is our best on any given day.

That 'best' will not be the same each day, and that's ok.

We do everything we can to encourage them to be good, kind humans who show compassion and exhibit empathy toward others.  

We do everything we can to encourage them to shine, never letting anyone diminish their sparkle. 

We encourage them to be nothing more than who they are, and that that is more than enough. 

We try to get them to understand that they are worthy of all good things simply because they breathe, simply because they are here. 

We try to get them to see that they are precious, but never more so than anyone else. 

Yes, being a Mom is messy, being a Mom is hard, and being a Mom sometimes pulls more from us than we have, at times. 

But....

Being a Mom is still, by far, the biggest piece of who I am. It was all of who I was for a long time, as it needed to be, as I wanted it to be. Now, although I'll always be their Mom, they are adults now, and need me less, as it should be. I look forward to exploring other pieces of who I am. 

That exploration began with writing my first book, who knows where it may lead. 

So Happy Mother's Day to the new Moms, the veteran Moms, to absolutely every Mom.

Enjoy it in any and every way possible.

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May you, if you're a Mom, accept the kindnesses of the day, no matter how they taste, look or sound.

May you know the love that runs through your macaroni necklace, has no limits, knows no bounds.

May you get a nod, or maybe even a hug from your angsty, hormonal, pissed-at-everything, almost adult.

May you tap into that deep pool of patience for that secretive human, they, like you, are doing their best, the hormones, after all, are not their fault. 

May we all remember to send our Moms love that day, if we are still so privileged as to be able to do so.

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Sasky Traffic Jams, Comfy Slippers, And Yup... That's A Table Top!!!!

 

Hi!

What a time to be alive!

Okay, these photos..

The top one depicts a classic situation during spring and fall, where I call home.

Where I live there is an abundance of giant equipment that has to get from point A to point B and sometimes point C, D and E, pretty much daily, on any given road, at any given time. The thing they have most in common? They move painstakingly slowly.

Other drivers, those in regular vehicles, can sometimes get very impatient, honking, making multiple attempts to pass, sometimes, putting themselves and others at unnecessary risk.

It's not like the farmer can pull an Antman, and shrink. They can't all of a sudden make it go faster, or fly, or anything else. Your incessant honking, bobbing and weaving, and bird-flipping aren't going to change that. It can't do what it can't do.

When you come across this kind of a whoa-up, you basically have two choices.

1) Get yourself all worked up, get your blood-pressure up, get stressed, get mad, you know, morph into a Karen. Allowing yourself to believe that you, and whatever you are doing, somehow, in this moment, on this road, are more important than anyone else. More important than the oncoming traffic you keep sticking the nose of your car in front of. More important than those driving behind you who are left to try to predict what your road-raging ass might lead you to do next. And, definitely more important than the person driving the equipment. You don't give a crap that they know what they are doing and are doing it as fast, as effectively and as safely as possible. They need to get to their destination intact, so once there, they can be successful in completing their job.

or.....

2) If you are going to be late, call whomever is waiting, and let them know. Then, find a good podcast, or some music, or an audiobook, sit back, and roll with it. Trust that the person in charge of that massive machine knows what they are doing, and that if you are patient, a clear path forward will reveal itself. No anger, no dangerous shortcuts, no bird-flipping, no putting others, unnecessarily, in harm's way.

We can apply this to so many other facets of our lives.

Things happen. we decide how to react.

When the road to accountability, especially for the privileged and powerful, seems to be jammed with giant equipment that moves at a snail's pace, we have those same two choices as to how to react. Although it's slow, it is moving. I choose to trust that the people driving are moving as fast, as effectively and as safely as possible. They need to get to their destination intact, so once there, they can be successful in completing their job. I would rather they tread with care, so every stinking step sticks for life. 

The second photo.

New slippers! Why giant, goofy slippers? Because silly is awesome and they will make an excellent addition to my collection. Right beside my moose heads, monkeys, and poop emoji ones. 

Do they serve some deep purpose? No. No, they don't. They keep my feet warm and make me smile. That's it.

I think over the last few years, what with the world getting basically flipped on its head, revealing both the best and worst of humanity, almost everyone became stuck in some form of fight or flight mode. I think it hits different people differently, and with different intensity. 

There for a while, everything was a huge decision. How to get groceries, where to get them, how to leave the house when we needed to, how to interact with others, hell everything, and I do mean every thing was big. Things we didn't think twice about before, now felt like a life and death decision. We forgot how to laugh.

We seem to be coming out of it. But, along the way, I think we've lost some of our silly. Our goofy felt so frivolous for so long, it feels like we are hesitant to let it back into our lives. Not everything is life and death. It's time to reclaim our silly and let our goofy fly. It's okay to laugh until your stomach aches and your face hurts. Hell, it's essential. 

The third photo.

A tabletop at Hooters! What a cool idea!

I know Hooters has been around forever, but not here! The first one in our area just opened recently. 

Yes, I, me, a feisty feminist, went to Hooters. For one, I'm a firm believer in not evaluating a book by its cover. Outwardly, on its face, the entire premise of the place seems deeply misogynistic. But, I wanted to see if that's really how it was.

First off, the uniform seems harsh. I mean, between the butt-flossing shorts and the scoop-necked t-shit barely covering a bra pushing glitter-laden boobs to chin level, I'm not sure how these young women can work in any kind of comfort. The clothes are kind of revealing, I'm hoping that corporate offers staff other options if they aren't comfortable, or feel exposed. 

One thing they do, that as a former server, pisses me off is the way they administer their tip out. A tip out is when a portion of a server's tips are shared with bartenders, cooks etc. A practice that has gone on forever. What is new to me is this. These servers tip out 6% of each table total. Which is fine. But.. if that table doesn't tip, the server STILL has to tip out 6% of the table total. Again, even if there is 0 tip, the server has to tip out 6%. 

The moral of the story? They are likely far from the only ones that have this practice. So, TIP!

You could very well be literally taking money out of your server's pocket otherwise. If you don't want to tip, don't go out. Plain and simple. 

As a whole, the Hooters experience was okay. The food wasn't great, but not the worst I've had. Upon chatting with staff, I discovered that they are pretty good about allowing flexibility in scheduling to accommodate staff who are students or parents, or just need flexibility. 

Do I think there would be some ugliness around size discrimination, and other expectations when it comes to the image of "Hooter Girls"? Let's just say, I don't think you'd have to peel back much of the onion to make you cry. 

I'll leave it at this. 

I hope they treat their staff with equality and respect. I hope they improve their food menu. I hope they have different options available for uniforms. 

I wonder if they allow you to serve tables when you're pregnant? It would be interesting to find out. 

So, inconclusion...

Be patient, don't karen and be kind.

Take part in every laugh you can find.

Tip your servers, if you don't, they could be as good as fined. 

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