Find The Minutes...

 

Hi!

Nothin' like cruisin' around on a beautiful night to clear the mind. 

And let's face it, sometimes the mind needs some clearing. 

At times it can feel like the world is moving at warp speed, driving drunk, blindfolded, with a short-circuiting GPS. You can begin to feel like you're being pulled in more directions than even exist. 

Sometimes the speed brings big things, sometimes a bunch of medium things, sometimes a crap load of tiny things that alone would have zero effect, but combined, feels like trying to run the hundred-metre dash in a torrential hail storm. No matter how fast you move you're gonna get hit.

So.....

When life is throwing crap and you are catching like a goalie during a slapshot drill, catching most, but, I mean, you're not perfect, (I'm Candian, ok? The odd Hockey references are a given) you have to find the minutes.

I was going say that 'this time of year' is pretty hectic, but, really, any part, any season, any time of a year is going to be hectic for somebody. So, instead, I will say this. Whenever the pace of life has you feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself to find the minutes. The minutes where you can separate yourself from the chaos, step in out of the hail, and find perspective.

With life-changing events, perspective can feel impossible. The situation can be so big that no matter how far you step back, no matter how you change the angle, no matter how many deep breaths you take, any kind of silver lining refuses to exist. The crushing weight of it seems impossible to shift. If this is the case, you have to give yourself permission to share the load. Things this big are not meant to be carried alone. Especially if you are the one who is always the helper, the lifter, the one who lightens the loads of others, especially if this is you... lean in, and let go... they can take it. Those that care for you want you to. Find the minutes that let everything out, that allow moments of joy to distract, the minutes to bring down your shoulders, unclench your jaw and take a full breath. 

With medium things, the daily things that can pile up every now and then. When something throws a sometimes metaphorical, sometimes literal wrench into your routine. When these things happen in a bit of a cluster, find the minutes. Find minutes where you can look at the situation, apply humour, especially if it's a bit inappropriate, and decide that, although whatever it is is causing a royal pain in the ass, this too shall pass. What doesn't work out the way you want will make a good story to tell later. And, really, I have found that most of the time, when things don't work out the way I want, I discover later, sometimes much later, that the whole thing was a bit of a bullet-dodge. 

With the tiny things, the things that can happen when planning an event, entering a new chapter of life, getting ready for a special occasion. When tiny shards of chaos seem to line the path from here to there with broken legos, and you have bare feet that have never so much as touched a blade of grass. When each of these things on their own wouldn't make you blink, but collectively, make you rethink your entire life, find the minutes. Again, this too shall pass. The event, the occasion, the turn of the page, will happen, legos and all. Find the minutes to pour yourself a glass of whatever blows your skirt up, sip it slowly, or chug it, you do you, and learn to say screw it. At this point, you have a decision to make. You can let the legos win, and let them drive you insane, or you can just roll with it. Adapt where you can, and screw the rest. 

All you can do is all you can do. Find the minutes to cut yourself some slack, forgive yourself for not being perfect, forgive yourself for not always being able to be all things to all people, go cruisin' on a beautiful night, and for fuck sake... unclench your damn jaw. Excuse my French... or don't. It's all good. 

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Happy Mother's Day...

 Hi!

You know, becoming a Mom is an incredible thing. It's definitely not for everyone, just like being a Dad, an entrepreneur, living in the middle of nowhere, living in a big city, living a life of travel, or being a homebody. 

If you try to force yourself to do things that you are absolutely not wired for, you will be miserable, or at least rub right up against it enough to involve HR and prompt a meeting. 

If you don't have a burning desire to be a Mom, you shouldn't be one. Period. Society needs to step away from archaic thinking and embrace the fact that women have a lot more going for them beyond growing, and raising babies. 

Being a Mom is incredible and incredibly difficult. For everyone, even the ones who knew they wanted kids before they knew how babies were made. It's hard, it's exhausting, you hope like hell you're not doing any permanent damage to their psyche, you try not to over-protect, but protect enough, you want them to learn how to adult, while still letting them be kids. It forces organization where there might not naturally be any, it requires routine, and levels of multitasking that should become an Olympic event. 

It's incredible to watch these tiny beings become toddlers, students, teenagers, adults, living their lives just as they wish to, without limitations, without compromising who they are, walking through life as generous, kind individuals, some becoming parents, some not. All living life as they see fit.

For those who have chosen motherhood to become part of who they are, celebrate. 

Relish in the eggshell-laden, interesting, combo breakfast that may come your way. Cherish the macaroni jewelry, the homemade cards, all the love. Bathe in the warmth of the teenage nonchalant grunt that may begrudgingly escape from behind a closed bedroom door. Jump in with a hell yeah when your adult children tell you to pack a bag and not ask any questions. 

Being a mom is watching your heart walk around without you. You hope you've done enough, but not too much. You hope you've imparted wisdom, such as it is, without being overbearing. You hope you've provided a balance of guidance and freedom. You hope you've taught them the importance of self-worth, kindness, and inclusivity. You hope you've taught them how to be open while simultaneously protecting themselves. 

You do. You hope. You worry. And then you get to witness them be the incredible people they were always meant to be, and thankful for the small part you were permitted to play. 

So happy Mother's Day!

Not everyone is lucky enough to still be able to say it in person, or on the phone. Some are left with whispers that evaporate into the wind, whispers that become tears full of memories. 

Say the words while you can.

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When A Curve Ball Hits...

 

Hi!

Life moves at whatever pace it chooses, whether we are ready, paying attention... or not. 

You can be going along, making plans, doing laundry, going to work, having movie nights, game nights, date nights, attending events, you know... living... and then...

Life can throw a curve ball so big, so fast, and so hard that it turns your life on its head. 

Someone I know, love, and respect has just been hit with a curve ball that would bring most to their knees. 

Stage 4 colon cancer.

She is young, smart, optimistic, hopeful, strong, and has an army of support, both on the front line and at a distance. Powerful weapons in a fight like this. Powerful, but not magic. This battle is going to redefine the word hard. It's going to push, test and stretch her fight, her body, her resolve, her relationships, her everything. 

If anyone can pull off a win... it will be her. 

When the shock of this kind of news subsides, processing the reality of it begins. 

I can't know the view from her perspective, I can't. All I can do, all any of us, really, can do, is to support her, and those with her on the front lines of this thing, as best we can.

She, and those she holds most precious have had their world twisted, distorted, they are not alone.

Too many have this level of chaos thrown at them every day.

Not all have the network of help they need, I'm grateful that this family has that unfailing support, my heart breaks for those who don't. 

This will be the fight to end all fights.

You are not alone.

This will devastate on levels not yet known.

You are not alone.

This will change all things.

You are not alone.

You will have to let people help you.

You are not alone.

You are stronger than anything you've previously imagined.

You are not alone.

You are surrounded by love that knows no bounds.

You are not alone.

Your support can hold more weight than you think.

You are not alone.

You are a proven warrior.

You are not alone.

You got this.

You are not alone.

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When The Page Actually Turns...

 Hi!

So this is the view today! No snow, and, cross your fingers, there won't be any more for at least 6 months! 

The page from winter to spring has turned!

Changes are under way. The lifeless boughs of winter are sprouting pods that will become buds which will become leaves. A familiar change. Something that happens every year.

Then there are the changes that are new, different and don't happen every year. 

This will be the one and only time you are this age. So stop mourning your younger self, the body it inhabited, and the energy it had. Through life, if we choose to do it earnestly, we trade youth for wisdom, chaos for peace, sprinting, for a leisurely stroll. 

Most change is gradual, hardly even noticed day by day. I believe that's just nature being kind, allowing us to journey at our own pace. Your time walking this planet won't look like mine, or anyone else's, and it shouldn't, making comparing lives a complete waste of time. 

We have the freedom and ability, although not always the willingness, to step back every now and then and check the path we've taken, assessing with some objectivity, the choices we've made along the way.

Have our choices made life harder? Not just for ourselves, but for those who love and care for us? Have ego and fear weighed in too heavily? Afraid of failure, afraid of admitting mistakes, ego getting in the way of changing behavior to ensure mistakes aren't repeated?

The perfect life has yet to be lived. It's not possible. Perfection is a myth that humans have fed themselves. An impossibility to strive toward. No two people will ever completely agree on the definition of perfect, because it will always be skewed by perspective and perception. And, because it is impossible for two humans to have duplicates of either, perfection can't exist. 

So, stop it.

We are all out here just doing our best.

Walking through life trying our best not to hurt others on purpose. 

Walking through life causing as little damage as possible. 

Walking through life creating, and soaking in joy.

Walking through life acknowledging where we have messed up, where we've hurt others and changing our behavior to make sure it doesn't continue.

Walking through life with open arms internalizing the absolute equality of humankind. 

Change is inevitable in all things. 

Fearing it is futile, and causes nothing but anxiety, stress, and misery.

This spring, this year, will not be exactly the same as last spring, or last year.

If you are lucky, you will get to celebrate another birthday. If you're even luckier you will do so in good health. If you are even luckier yet, you will get to celebrate with those you cherish. 

There will be more advancements in medicine, technology, and science in general. New ideas will fuel new inventions. Things will change... even more. 

Change is inevitable in all things.

Even if we, as individuals, fight it within ourselves, out of fear or out of ego, knowing full well there are changes we need to make. Even if we fight it, refuse it, that won't stop it. If we refuse to own up to, and change our toxic behaviors, eventually those around us will make the changes. They will distance themselves. they will lose respect. They will leave. They can choose not to have that in their lives. 

Sometimes it becomes easier to walk away than to continue to beg for, continue to fight for someone who is not willing to fight for themselves. It becomes survival. You can only live in a poisonous environment for so long before it makes you sick. 

Enabling is not support. Enabling damages everyone involved. Everyone. 

Change is inevitable in all things. 

Very few people make a living the same way throughout their adult lives. Whether it was working your way through school, change of passion or side hustles. Feeling stuck 40+ hours a week is no way to live. Sometimes big changes need to happen to rekindle your fire. 

It's not always about the end result, but the fun you can have along the way!

What lights you up? Make whatever that is a bigger part of your life... Promise?

Change is inevitable in all things.

The climate is changing, no matter how many rabbit hole dwellers would like to deny it.

The world is changing. Some, for reasons that would require a whole other rambling, are trying to drag us backward, but progress toward a more accepting, equal society will prevail. It always does. 

Education is changing. Our kids need to be prepared for the world they will work in, have families in, and run. Preparing them for the world as we knew it when we entered adulthood would be ludicrous, and detrimental to every existing generation. Education is a living, breathing, evolving entity. It always has been, and has to be allowed to remain so, if we are going to survive as a species. 

Can you imagine if medical school didn't evolve?

Pregnant women would be discouraged from drinking alcohol, the only reason being it messes with their balance and they might fall. 

Cigarette smoke would still be blown in the faces of infants without a second thought. 

We'd still be using leaches to cure cancer, performing lobotomies on every person with a mental health issue, and being prescribed heroine for everything from headaches to hysteria. 

Change is inevitable in all things.

Without it, we would still be dying at alarming rates from things vaccinations obliterated years ago. 

Without it, we still would have a lot more people dying because they weren't wearing a seatbelt. 

Without it, we wouldn't have cars...

Change is inevitable. We can choose to be fearful of it or excited by it.

As the page actually turns, I know which one I prefer...

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Nonsensical...

 So this is what the middle of April looks like, this year, where I call home. I'm really not complaining, because, although not fun, it's also not that rare, comes with the literal territory, and it's basically angry rain. 

Mother Nature is going through some stuff and is letting off steam. 

And, yes, the first photo does depict a traffic light in the middle of absolute nowhere. But there is a camera attached to it, so unless you want a very expensive ticket, you stop at that red light. And sit there. For about 31/2 minutes. Without another vehicle in sight. Because they will be doing construction in the area. In 3 days. 

So, yeah.

Nonsensical.

There seems to be a bit of that going around.

Like buying autographed bibles, of all things. And not even autographed by Jesus or anything, just a guy who is, at best, a misogynistic serial adulterer with serious racist tendencies, at worst, well, he's been found guilty civilly of sexual assault and fraud, and will likely be found guilty criminally of at least a few things before the end of the year. 

Nonsensical.

Like trying to accuse, and/or impeach leaders with 'evidence' pulled from easily provable lies. 

Nonsensical.

Showing desire to take our society backwards, stripping away the hard-earned rights of women, people of the queer community, and other vulnerable swaths of humanity. Pushing for these dark-age changes for no other reason but fear. Fear of the strength that emanates from these warriors. Fear of true equality.

Nonsensical.

Voting and fighting against programs that will help feed hungry kids, house those who are struggling, make going to work more affordable through subsidized childcare, and make prescriptions and dental care more affordable. The very things that you agree should be a priority. 

Nonsensical.

Continually denying the fact that climate change and weather are not the same thing. Regardless of all kinds of data put forth from all over the world by experts in the field... for decades now. 

Nonsensical.

All of the conspiracy nonsense that continues to infiltrate the minds of those who lack the skill of critical thinking. The narrative that continually has to change to keep up with all the things that aren't coming to fruition for them. I mean, how many raptures were supposed to have happened by now? I've lost count. According to some rabbit-hole dwellers I know, we should all be dying by the thousands because of vaccines, windmills, and 5G. 

Nonsensical.

Actually believing that you can 'make' a kid queer. Ridiculous. No more than you can 'make' a kid straight. Reading queer authors, watching inclusive movies and tv, hanging out with drag queens. having queer friends can NOT change how your kid is hard-wired. No amount of hanging out with tall people will 'make' me taller. No matter how many books I read about people with straight hair by authors with straight hair, it can't 'make' my hair straight. You get my point. 

Nonsensical.

This is definitely NOT as important by any stretch of the imagination, but being rude to people in the service industry, thinking it will get you your way, somehow.  Just stop it. It is NOT going to magically make anybody want to help you, even if you have a legitimate complaint. And NO you are NOT always right. And YES you can be asked to abide by policies. And YES you can be trespassed/banned from private businesses. And NO you are NOT more important or better than any other customer, or any employee.

Nonsensical. 

It's Complicated... But Simple... Really

 Hi,

Women's bodies and who has the authority to dictate what is and is not allowed to take place within them somehow always seems to become part of the political fabric. 

Why? I have no idea where it began, but I can tell you without any hesitation that the trajectory it is on is nothing short of terrifying. 

Somewhere along the timeline the distortion of power, the hunger for it, and because they could physically do so, the males of our species began to revel in that power, and deciding that they couldn't take the chance of losing it, began to chip away at the power of women.

They designated themselves our protectors. But, what are you supposedly protecting us from? The truth is.... other men. 

They label us as too emotional, too needy, too soft, lacking reason. If those don't fit, we get bossy, conceited, cold, stuck-up, and bitchy. 

They want to be the ones who give us permission.

We needed their permission to vote.

We needed their permission to own property.

We needed their permission to get a credit card in our own name.

We needed their permission to enter the workforce.

We needed their permission to take charge of our own bodies.

Now there is a resurgence and appetite to strip us of these hard-earned rights. Why?

It's complicated... but simple... really.

They are threatened by the groundswell of support women are giving each other. We are finding our feet, and with each generation, our young women are stepping into an independence never known before. They are discovering, quite handily, that they don't need men. They may choose to share their lives with them, seek a partner in them, but they don't NEED them.

Although pay equity is still a far cry from actually being equal, it sits at a level where financial independence is more possible than ever before. As women chip away at the misogyny that has been ingrained in us since birth, we are becoming more supportive of each other. We no longer look at each other as competition... we are each other's support. 

In heterosexual relationships, women still carry more than our share of the mental load. Not only are we now expected to bring in a good portion of the bacon, but we are still expected to be the CEO of the household. We are the ones tracking all the things. Groceries, scheduling, social life, doctor's appointments, household chores, kids, if we have them, bills, and knowing where everything that everybody needs is at all times. Oh, and still be youthful and sexy. 

You still see it. You still hear it.

Someone sees a dad at the park, shopping (insert activity here) with the kids and he's 'such a good dad.'

The male partner 'helps' with household chores.

Mom goes out, dad is 'babysitting.'

Why is it up to the woman to always know what needs to be done? 

If we are so weak, emotional, soft, and unreasonable, how have we managed to manage all of this crap and hold down jobs, besides? 

And I haven't even touched on the emotional strength it takes to be female.

Just as we are entering the turmoil of puberty, we get hit with what has been described as our monthly visitor, our rag, our curse, visit from aunt fanny, a ride on the cotton pony, crime scene down under, you know... our period. Some have horrible cramps every single time, some live on the edge of hemorrhaging every time, some pass out, some become iron deficient, a lucky few, barely notice them.

And that's just the bleeding.

So many suffer with different severities of PMS, ranging from mildly emotional to barely contained rage.

Then, after all of this bullshit, we have to deal with menopause and the hellish nightmare fuel that brings, but that's for another day...

But, we carry on. We go to school, write exams, go to work, still do all the things that are expected of us, all the while being told maybe we should smile more. 

It's about this time, as puberty begins, and sickeningly, sometimes even before, that we begin to garner the attention of males. Some of that attention comes from our peers, who are also trying to get through puberty but sadly, so many are doing so under the influence of those with poison perceptions. Some of  this attention, a lot of this attention, comes from older males, some old enough to be our dads and grandpas. 

These are the men who somehow think they have a right to an opinion of us, and can't seem to suppress the urge to vocalize these opinions. They have opinions on what we are wearing, how we should respond to their unwanted attention, the expression we should show on our faces, how we should walk, where we should walk, what we should be doing, how we should be doing it, what they would like to do to us, and how we should like whatever that is. 

These are the men who think they have a right to touch us. A brush, an 'accidental' slip of the hand, blocking our movements, grabbing, groping... most of us have experienced at least this... some of us... much worse. 

Our heads can only ever be on a permanent swivel when we are in public. I can tell you, it's not other women we are watching for. 

What is complicated are the health issues that stem from the female reproductive system. More women have miscarriages that gets talked about in the open, and there are real health risks involved. Not only have you suffered the emotional anguish of it, but there is a definite danger of infection, becoming septic, if the right care isn't provided. This care is being banned in some places very close to home. There are those, where I call home, who would like to take us down that same road if given the chance. They echo the sentiments of this backward thinking.  Terrifying. 

What is complicated is the physical and mental health of rape and incest victims who are forced to carry to term a forced pregnancy and forced birth, regardless of age or circumstance. Chronic trauma can only break a soul, then wonder why she is scarred. Then wonder why she can't trust. 

But it's simple.

We are capable. We are capable of deciding what to wear, where to walk, what expression we have on our face, what we eat, what we drink, whether we want to be touched, if, when, where, and with whom we will have sex, and, if we want to give birth.

None of these decisions need permission from anyone. 

We are more than capable. We continue to prove it multiple times every single day. 

It's complicated only because men want it that way. Not all men, but they don't wear nametags, so how do we know? 

Not all men, but obviously enough of them that we are having to have this conversation.... again. 

It's simple... if we vote that way. We hold the power to make the changes we need to see. All we have to do is use it. 

Men are not required to have governmental permission for absolutely anything regarding their bodily autonomy, why should we?

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May my granddaughters live in a time where they can walk at night without fear.

May they live in a time when they are never seen as prey, only loved, held dear.

May my grandsons live in a time when there is no pressure to conquer, to hunt, to 'score.'

May they live in the understanding of real partnership, to share the mental load, be more.

Food Is Not A Weapon...

 

Hi.

So I will never claim to be an expert in much of anything. I learn what I can about international affairs with all of its intricacies and nuances. But things are complicated, never black and white, instead, many shades of every colour of the rainbow.

But, I do consider myself someone who values caring for our most vulnerable, no matter where they live, who they love, or what their situation. Kids live high on that list of vulnerable people.

When we hear of food and those providing it to children and other innocent people in parts of the world where unnecessary, unholy war is raging, being wiped out, it just doesn't want to compute. World Food Kitchen is an incredible organization that simply doesn't care where in the world you are, if you are suffering because of a natural disaster, war, or poverty. They don't care if you are religious or not, or what religion you may observe. they couldn't care less what your politics are, or through what colour lens you choose to see the world. They ONLY care if you are hungry, and then do everything within their power to rectify that.

Food is NOT a weapon... in war, or anything else.

When governments see that children are showing up to school hungry and want to put programs in place to make sure they are fed, there should be zero arguments against that. It's not a political game piece, with which to play your latest game of 'gottcha.' These are actual, real, living, breathing kids who, through no fault of their own, are hungry. What I find completely mindblowing is that the very same exact people who want to block programs like this are the exact same ones who claim to be pro-life, and are getting their panties in a bunch over queer content of anything to 'protect the children.' Yet, when they are faced with a real-world, real-time problem that little ones are actually facing, that they have the means to help fix, they want to prevent it from happening. 

Yet, they refuse to see the hypocrisy. 

Food is not a weapon.

Food is not something that children need to earn. Nourishment is not something that should be withheld for punishment. (breaks from junk food snacks excluded) No one, but especially kids, should ever have to pay for food with hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection.

Food is the most basic of human rights. Why aren't more people working to do something about humanity's hunger? Pro-life? Then where is your follow-through? You want them born, but then don't care if they get to eat?

Food is not a weapon. 

Poverty is not the fault of the poor. It's a symptom of our society. We want to treat billionaires who pay poverty-level wages like they are some exclusive group of special geniuses who have accomplished something grander than the exploitation of the workers that make and keep them rich. They pay workers too little to live on and then want to shit on the programs that provide the safety nets needed to fill the canyon-sized gaps left by their greed and blatant lack of decency. 

They keep them poor, keep them hungry, keep them afraid to quit. It's a classic abusive relationship. 

Food is not a weapon. 

The biggest worry for any child should be what story to read, what craft to create, what dance to learn, or what game to play. 

Food is not a weapon.

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We Live In A World...

 

Hi!

It seems every generation, as they reach an age that sees them at the end of their time in the workforce, as they have another 'coming of age' moment, as the time comes to pass the baton of running the place to the next, younger generation, it seems the ones relinquishing power, are completely convinced of the incompetence of the generation next in line. 

Now, if that were to be true, that the whole of these upcoming generations are incompetent, soft, misguided, and whatever else you may think they are, does that not fall on how they were raised? At least, somewhat?

Now, I don't know about you, but I am a GenX parent who raised 4 millennials. They are far from soft, anything but incompetent, and if misguided means they are open and accepting of humans being given the space to thrive exactly as they wish to, who gage people on how they treat others rather than the size of their bank account, then my hubby and I misguided the hell out of them, for sure. 

The greatest generation felt the silent generation would run things into a ditch, the silent generation felt that the hippies of the baby boomer generation were going to turn things to shit for sure, boomers never held much hope for Gen X, I mean we were far too independent, were born with precious few fucks to give, and let's face it, have a reputation of being fairly feral.

This independent, feral group are the ones who have raised these millennials and Gen Z kids. 

Millennials are now in their thirties and early forties. They are raising the young end of Gen Z and the Gen Alpha kids. The kids that had formative years shaped by a worldwide pandemic, and all that it entailed. The kids who watched an insurrection on live tv. The kids that have witnessed what Hatfield and McCoy politics does, and how it filtres through into our lives. 

No, I think these next generations are exactly what the world needs. 

They are paying attention, they are watching what doesn't work. They are working solutions because hustle and resourcefulness is where they shine. They are probably more adept at rolling with the punches, thinking on the fly, and collaborating than we could ever hope to be.

They have had to have roommates because of things like student debt and the fact that a full-time job can't keep flesh and bone together without them. They know hustle, because side gigs have gone from hobby to necessity. 

They've watched us make our mistakes and have learned from them, just like we learned what not to do from those who came before us. 

Just because things have been done the same way for a long time, absolutely does not mean that it's been the best way, the only way, or can't be improved upon. 

I have no doubt that the generations to come will find ways to secure:

-bodily autonomy for all.

-the separation of church and government

-anti-hate laws

-the end to racism and discrimination of all kinds (or at least get us closer than we've ever been)

-our world's longevity through finding working solutions to the climate crises

-education that truly prepares people for the world they are growing into

It's easy to paint the world with doom and gloom, especially when there are those out there spreading conspiracy theory nonsense to the masses. It's hard to keep up with some of these theories because as the predictions never seem to come to pass, more strings are added or taken away, desperately trying to tie together whatever crazy tidbit will help their narrative seem more plausible in that moment. 

It's like trying to start a collection of unicorn poop. They keep searching, but can never quite find it. 

There are those who feel these young generations are somehow "brainwashed." Other favourites used are 'indoctrinated" or "groomed."

All of the above may be true, but not in the sense they mean.

They believe our kids and grandkids being accepting, inclusive, open, fiercely anti-racist, and non-judgmental constitutes brainwashing, indoctrinating and grooming.  Personally, I think it's just raising them to be decent humans. 

To me 'brainwashed" is something that happens when a person gets to a poison information saturation point, insisting things are true regardless of proof to the contrary. And I do mean real proof. Data put forth, peer studied, reviewed by experienced experts in the field, and tested. You know...proof. Example: The earth is not flat. The moon landing really happened. Covid is real, and the vaccines have kept countless people not only alive but from needing hospital care.These kids question everything.

Indoctrination. This one is a bit tricky because so much of our society could be constituted as indoctrination. From the first time you hear or find yourself spouting the line we all swear we will never use the "Because I said so,' we are either the indoctrinated or the indoctrinator. As soon as we ask someone to believe or obey something uncritically, without question, or as soon as we accept something in that same way, indoctrination happens It happens all the time in organized religion. You are asked to accept. To question is blasphemous. It happens in some workplaces. It happens.

Now are these younger generations indoctrinated any more than we were. I doubt it severely. These kids are more aware, more assured, more confident, more likely to stand up, as they are the first generations that have been raised knowing that they matter, that what they have to say has merit, and their ideas carry weight. Truth be told, these young ones are far less likely to become indoctrinated into anything. Period.

Groomed. A buzzword that has been repurposed to fit a narrative. Knowing the connotation attached to this word, the right-wing, book-banning, queer-discriminating fearmongers have twisted it to try and sully the movement of acceptance that these kids are fostering. They want to take a word that depicts what sexual predators do to their victims to prime them for the horrors that come next, and attach it to teaching empathy, kindness, compassion and acceptance of self and others. They want to connect these beautiful ideals to something so incredibly vile. It's sickening, really.

We live in a world where kindness is more abundant than cruelty. And that's a good thing. It's true. All you have to do is allow yourself to see it. 

If you choose to focus on the dark, pretty soon it becomes all you can see. 

Helping polish the shine on those who have been made to hide their light can only make our world brighter. Helping others sparkle will never dampen your glow, it will just add to the brilliance. 

We live in a world... so live. 

Change Is Inevitable.... Thankfully!

 Hi!

Well, it's officially Spring! Soon the snowbanks will be reduced to puddles, and fragile hints of leaves will begin to make a show of themselves.

Soon... right?

The thing is, I don't think the snowbanks got the memo. 

They are hanging on, stubbornly, fighting the inevitable, sticking around, their once pristine, untarnished, pure, white mounds becoming a dirt and salt-laced grungy mess.

That mess will eventually dissipate and become part of the groundwater. The way nature intended, leaving room for new growth, and a warmth only fully appreciated after the harshness of a particularly bitter winter.

A lot of people, well, probably most people where I live, absolutely enjoy winter. The snow, the cold, the dark. They love skiing, sledding, hockey, skating, the long nights... don't get me wrong, after all, I am Canadian, I get it. Winter does carry a semblance of romance and quiet tranquility, what with its cozy fires and hot chocolate and all. But there are those of us who simply wish it didn't last as long as it does.

The beginning of this annual melt is a fabulous reminder that nothing ever stays the same. Both things we wish would, and the things we appreciate do not. 

It's a reminder that sometimes the transition from one thing to the next can be ugly, messy, and can happen in fits and starts. There are steps backward that are sometimes necessary so that things can end up the way they need to be. Progress doesn't always happen through forward-only steps. More often than not, a few steps back are needed to let things soak in, so the scar-causing damage of the run-off that can happen if things move along too quickly...doesn't. Things change at the rate they are meant to. 

It's all progress.

It can feel scary, change, progress. Especially if it takes us into unfamiliar territory, to places we have a hard time understanding.

I still see on different platforms, people's fear of what they don't understand being thrown around. It's sad, because all of the information needed to dissipate that fear and turn it into empathy and compassion is readily available to all. But, for some reason, some insist on clinging to the antiquated misinformation of eras most of us are trying desperately to leave behind.

Change is inevitable. Thankfully. Acceptance, inclusivity, compassion, kindness, and a sense of community are what drives the next generations. 

Racism will end.

Misogyny will end.

Queerphobia will end.

If you are one of the people clinging to any piece of these misguided ideals for whatever reason, it's time to accept that it's Spring. Time for new beginnings, time to let it all melt away. You can do it in fits and starts if you need to, stepping back every now and again to get perspective, but let it all melt. 

At this point, you are clinging to nothing but the salt-laced grungy mess that doesn't belong here anymore. 

Embrace the new growth... it's happening... now you just need to decide whether or not you get left behind to wallow in the muck. 

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May we all come to understand that change is what's necessary to make the world a better place to live.

For ALL of us. 

Springing Forward...But Take Your Time

 Hi!

So the clocks have changed in many parts of the world, springing forward, so to speak. Where I happen to call home, our clocks stay the same all year long. 

I've never fully understood what changing the clocks twice a year is supposed to accomplish. Hours are not lost or gained by the position of the short hand of a timepiece. Timing is what changes, not actual time.

Time is still going to be what you make it. An hour shift makes no real difference. 

Time is currency. We spend it cultivating joy, We spend it healing from loss. We spend it nurturing relationships. We spend it at jobs to make money to support our lives.

Time is precious. Time is never guaranteed. Time is what we all take for granted at different points in our lives. 

How we spend our time changes depending on what stage of life we are living. 

When we are children, it means nothing. We spend it following whatever agenda the grown-ups in our lives lay out for us. When we become adolescents, it crawls. We are in such a hurry to be those grown-ups, thinking we know everything, knowing nothing, blissfully ignorant about the reality of what's to come. Confident in our fearlessness. Thankfully. Without that, none of us would ever be willing to learn to fly.

When we become those grown-ups, reality hits. We begin to realize that the freedoms we thought would be automatic when we were teens are laced with responsibility. Our time is still not our own. We spend it educating ourselves, forging paths that will earn money, creating and nurturing mature and not-so-mature relationships, some of us become parents, some of us don't, some of us get married, some of us don't, our paths may greatly differ, but we all use our time currency, sometimes wisely, sometimes, not so much. 

As older adults, perspective on time changes once more. The fact that there is more time behind us than in front of us becomes more real as we reflect upon the lives we've built. Does that mean we are done? Absolutely not! I think it means we simply respect the passage of time more, appreciate it more, and become a bit more careful with this precious currency. 

How we choose to spend this priceless currency matters. Life is too short to spend too much of it doing things that don't light us up. Make sure you're spending yours the way that means most to you. It's yours. It's not infinite. Use it wisely. 

Spring forward, do back flips, fall back, learn to juggle, take up ballet. Take. Your. Time. 

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May we all hold our time close to our hearts, treating it with the respect it deserves... always.

So... International Women's Day...

             So this is what March looks like where I live... and no that is not a child by that snowbank that is my youngest daughter... who is 5'8" tall...Yeah.

But that's beside the point.

It's time to celebrate International Women's Day...

So let's do that, shall we?

I think, with that in mind, it's time to, once again, take a look at what women's equality means, and some of the fairly warped views some have about that.  

There are so many big things, big discrepancies such as bodily autonomy, wage gaps, public safety issues, and the blatant misogyny that still thrives in so many aspects of our lives. But, there are also the little things. The remarks, the judgments, the assumptions, and the under-estimations.

Why do we still live in a time when most of the medical research is done using men's anatomy and then 'adjusted' for women. It makes no sense.

Why are men offered  medications to numb the pain for certain medical procedures and women are simply warned that 'this is going to be a bit uncomfortable." 

Why are women still earning $.87 on the dollar compared to men for doing the same damn jobs?

Why is it assumed that every woman wants to have kids, or be married or NOT be single?

Why are so many men threatened by the fact that more women are finding happiness being single and not a Mom? 

Why are people still confused by the notion of women's equality? It does NOT mean we want to BE men, it just means we want to be treated with equal respect, have an equal voice, and enjoy ALL of the rights and privileges given to men.

So many strides have been made, but there are those out there who want to turn back the clock, stripping us of rights we have fought so incredibly long and hard for. 

Not all masculinity is toxic, but those infected, are most threatened by female empowerment and want to stop our progress, want to drag us backward.

We haven't had the right to our own bank accounts all that long.

It wasn't that long ago that we couldn't own property on our own.

It hasn't been that long since we needed permission from our husbands to make medical decisions. 

It wasn't long ago we couldn't go into a bar without a man.

It wasn't that long ago that we couldn't vote.

It was within my lifetime that abortions were illegal, forcing women, regardless of under what circumstance, or at what age they became pregnant, to either become mothers, give the baby up for adoption, or risk their lives in some horrible back alley 'clinic.'

We are sadly, still leaps and bounds away from the courts defending us properly against things like rape, marital rape, and other forms of domestic violence.

When surveyed, women's biggest fear from men remains that they will kill us.

Men's biggest fear from women? Getting laughed at. 

We have come a long way, but are so far from getting to where we need to be.

Until women are able to stop taking precautions every time they leave the house.

Until we are as safe as men are in public, no matter where we are or what we are wearing.

Until we get paid at the same level.

Until we have the same bodily autonomy as men.

Until we stop being followed, having cameras shoved up our skirts, rubbed against, groped, forced into unwanted conversations, or made to feel we owe you our time, attention, or affection.

Until we can eliminate these things, we arent' there yet. 

We need to get there for our daughters, for our granddaughters, and for our sons and grandsons, because true equality is fantastic for all. 

No meaning no isn't good enough.

Coerced consent is NOT consent. Enthusiastic consent is the only kind that counts.

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May we teach our littles a better way to interact.

May we teach them core respect is the only way, no other way to be, no other way to act. 

May we save them from the work of unlearning the toxic things we were told.

May they become adults immune to the poisons we were all sold.

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My House May Not Be Fancy...But

 Hi!

Home.

It's so incredibly different for everyone. None are the same.

Oh, they might look similar, decor coming from the same factories, designs mass produced to appease the masses. Some look like they could be featured in magazines without a bit of notice, while others would need a minute to toss their lives into closets to make things "presentable."

Mine lingers in a purgatory of sorts. It definitely is always magazine-ready... it would simply depend on the day and the type of magazine. Think of it as a combination photo shoot... Good Housekeeping with a healthy dose of DIY Gone Not Quite Right and a sprinkle of This Is The Chaos Of The Week. Okay, I know that not all of those are real magazines, but maybe they should be. 

No, my house may not be fancy. Far from it, but it will always be welcoming, warm, safe for all, full of love, acceptance, and hugs that will hold until you're ready to break them. Within its walls are always shoulders wide and strong enough to cry on and carry the weight of your every truth, and laughter, enough laughter to lift the heaviest of clouds, even if only for a while. 

No, my house may not be fancy, but there will always be something homemade to snack on, a ton of fridge-worthy art to appreciate, and home decor made by small, inexperienced fingers. 

Home should never be taken for granted.

Too many have been forced out of theirs by storms, fire, war, rejection, and abuse to assume that all of us have choices as to where we lay our head.

So many are simply doing their best with the circumstances they are given. When decisions have to be made between paying an electric bill and groceries, when you have to say no for the millionth time to your kids for no other reason than the money is just not there, when the very basics to live are unattainable all at the same time, a lamp from Pier 1, because it's the new 'it' thing, doesn't even register on the radar of needs.

So, if you are invited into someone's home, into their personal sanctuary, suspend judgment. They are making themselves vulnerable, they know perfectly well what their house looks like, they don't need you to take mental notes, or mention one single thing you find wrong or out of place, they know. For your own sake, just allow yourself to be in their space, appreciating the fact that they allowed to enter. 

Our society seems to have been overtaken with celebrity. The lifestyles, the 'stuff', the designer this and that. These things have always been considered status symbols of sorts, why, has always personally baffled me, but it is what it is. 

It does seem, though, that with the influence,and influencers of social media, with the filtres, and staged photos, it has become a lot more prevalent. It seems self-worth is becoming hinged more and more on what you own and what you can buy instead of the kind of person you are. Good deeds only count if they are on camera. It's like if you don't get the 'likes', 'follows', and 'subs' you don't count. 

Home is not a competition. It's not like whoever has the fanciest house when they die wins. Whoever has accumulated the most stuff, the most expensive stuff...

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about enjoying life. If you can afford to have the things, take the trips, by all means, you should absolutely do all of it! Do it up! All I ask is that you don't give it more import than it deserves. 

It doesn't mean you are better, smarter, more responsible, work harder, or have done everything right... it just doesn't. Some of the hardest-working, most incredible people I know call it a great day if they can pay all of their bills for the month... and have groceries. It's an even bigger deal if they have a few pennies left over to do something just for fun, that isn't absolutely necessary. 

There is a huge swath of humans who work until their bodies want to break for whom the phrase "disposable income" is a myth, a fairytale, some magical thing they can't even imagine. 

As humans, our self-worth is not attached to stuff we can buy. We are worthy because we exist. We are worthy of dignity, love, compassion and understanding. We are worthy of being warm, fed, and cared for. We are worthy of dreaming, laughing, and having fun. 

It says so much more about how our society is set up than it ever will about the majority of people for some to have the opinion that it is somehow the fault of the poor/working poor that they are poor. That somehow, they just aren't working hard enough, long enough, that that would make the difference. 

Should people have to work 70+ hours a week to cover basic needs? We are supposed to have to work to support our lives, work should never have to become our whole lives just to survive. 

Somewhere along the way, priorities became twisted. Working to live became attached to being lazy. Living to work became the sad norm. The hustle economy/mentality should be an option, not a necessity. 

If you spend every waking hour surviving, it leaves no room for dreaming, let alone space to chase those dreams. 

How did we let this happen?

Let's fix it. Our grandbabies need us to. 

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May we fix this.

The Shaky House Of Cards...

 

Hi!

You know, there are people all over the world who are, right now, in real-time, suffering atrocities that they did absolutely nothing to bring upon themselves.

There are victims of war, famine, displacement, poverty, abuse, hate speech, racism, discrimination for being part of the queer community, and all kinds of violence. All of these people have zero culpability in the how and why these horrible things are happening to them. 

They are simply existing in the world.

Then, there are those who love to claim victimhood when they are the ones who singlehandedly orchestrated their own demise. And, the demise they have created for themselves really only consists of going broke and going to prison. Not starvation, not torture, no beatings, no rape, no fear of death, no punishment for merely existing, no forced pregnancies, none of the really egregious things that happen to millions of other people all the time. 

No, the only thing that is going to happen is lawful accountability.

Now, one of the self-proclaimed richest guys in the United States is selling shoes and begging people who live below the poverty line to bail him out of the mess he completely created on his own. If he had simply stayed living in the realm of the almost famous, he likely would have gotten away with all of his underhanded, smarmy, creepy crap like he had been for decades. But, he insisted on thrusting himself into the limelight, inviting scrutiny. Then, in his inept attempts to cover his clumsy criming, and inability to admit defeat, he committed more crimes, worse crimes, crimes that before now, no one thought a guy in the position he was given the honour to hold could possibly be capable of. 

There were those of us who knew. Who felt it every time we saw him on screen. Never having been in the same country, let alone the same room, knew. The hairs on the back of the neck would stand at attention, spidey senses pinging like the radar in the traffic control tower of the world's busiest airport. 

Karma can feel slow and lazy at times, but she never fails to come around and flex her inevitable strength. Eventually, the universe balances herself out, and those who perpetuate, participate, and continue to put toxic things into the world get the outcome they need. 

What is that old saying? If you don't want to do the time, don't do the crime. Or, don't do all of the multiple crimes, in certain instances. 

If he is such a terrific businessman,  such an incredible genius, why has he gone bankrupt multiple times? Why would he not know that doing all of these stupidly horrible things would catch up with him? If he's so rich, why is he out begging for money? If he's so brilliant, why doesn't he flex enough intelligence to know when to keep his mouth shut, and not cost himself even more money. 

Even a baby knows if you touch a hot stove it hurts and they don't do it again. They have the ability to learn, to adapt their behavior in such a way as to not hurt themselves further. A baby knows better. 

As the rest of this shaky house of cards falls, and the last of the emperor's clothes hit the prison floor, my greatest wish is that this will finally be the epiphany that the last of his followers need to finally see the truth about him. 

I'm sure there will still be the delusional few who will cling to the belief that he was somehow horribly mistreated, but I think they might still be hanging out on the grassy knoll waiting for JFK and Elvis to show up for the flat-earther picnic.

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The Shortest Month...

 Hi!

I know that February has the fewest days of all of them. Logically, we all know this. Why, then, does it tend to feel like the longest? 

I have a theory...

February feels longer than it has a right to for, I think, a few different reasons.

For one, January, let's face it, is the Holiday hangover month. We are recovering, getting our bearings after weird work schedules, more socializing than we have become accustomed to through the last few years, and just a stitch more partying than we experience in our usual, day-to-day lives. For two, let's face it, where I call home, January is generally the month where both the likelihood of it being so cold it hurts to breathe, and enduring the experience of having every single fluid that CAN escape from ALL the orifices of your face freezing to, and in whatever they touch, is incredibly high. The January we most recently got rid of took that to heart with a vengeance. We reached temperatures that were colder than Mars. Ridiculous. For three, January is stupid dark... a lot. So let's recap, we are recovering from a holiday hangover, it's cold, it's dark, we are getting our feet under us after admitting to ourselves that half of our New Year's resolutions have already been ditched. It passes. not quickly, but it passes.

March, carries with it a hint, a promise, of Spring. It's covered in mucky snow, the snowmen residing on front lawns start resembling something from The Walking Dead. Kids playing in school playgrounds find that there is no way to know if you should be wearing snow pants, splash pants, winter, or rubber boots. Chances are, whatever you think will work that day.... won't. We start to feel some warmth in the sun that is beginning to stay longer. Yeah, we start trusting the telltale signs that winter is coming to an end. 

Sooooo, February. Yes, it has the fewest days, but the fog of the holidays has cleared, our resolutions are but a distant memory, we have completed the self-berating for that and have moved on. Our nights still eat up more than half the clock. It can still get cold enough to make your eyeballs freeze shut, but it can also melt enough to create the best icicle machetes. I think the reason February feels so long is that, at this point, unless you are a skier, a snowshoer, or a hockey fan, you're just kind of sick of winter being winter. I, for one, am ready for more daylight, no snow, and not having to check the forecast before leaving the house. 

So, if I haven't been clear,  I'm officially tired of winter. 

Looking forward...

Spring breezes caressing the delicate blossoms of wildflowers, their gentle sway creating complex choreography for the bees and hummingbirds.

Long walks in new places wherein the only purpose is to capture nature's impossible beauty within the frame of an unnatural lens. 

Open windows, allowing the perfumes of the awakening world to envelope every room.

Riding bike until everything feels uphill.

Creating fresh memories in the fresh air with the fresh faces that look forward to our little adventures. 

That glorious, and all too short span of time that graces us between snowbanks and mosquitoes. 

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Happy Valentine's/Love Day!

                                                                        credit for this photo is unknown
 

Hi!

So, we are but days away from International Love Day! 

Yes, traditionally, Valentine's Day has been a day to celebrate romantic love. But the fact that over the past few years especially, the inclusion of all kinds of love have made it an even better holiday. For when you are talking about love, everyone is deserving, and should absolutely be part of the celebration, period. 

This is the day to say all the gushy things, give the hugs, to make gifts of goofy trinkets that best represent the relationship, and take the opportunity to show love and be kind to ourselves. 

I realize that some take this holiday very seriously and are offended if not given expensive things. Hey, if that is how you like to celebrate, all the power to you. Personally, it's not about what you get, but a time to reflect on all the relationships I hold dear.

Am I holding up my end? Am I being the partner my hubby needs? Am I being the Mom, Daughter, Sister and Friend that meets the moments where they need to be met? Am I dropping the ball anywhere I'm not aware of? 

The saying is "Happily Ever After." It's the ending to countless fairytales, leading the reader to believe that the rest of the characters’ lives are filled with nothing but ranbows and unicorns, where the weather is always perfect and nothing bad ever happens. 

We all know what a load of crap that is, yet we tend to hold our relationships to these unrealistic standards. Like they are plucked from rom com movie scripts, where the plot twists are pretty predictable, and beautiful soliloquies solve every problem. 

The real ending to these tales should read "Happily Never Always." I mean, it might not be as romantic, but it makes a lot more sense. 

No matter the type of relationship you are talking about, it's just not possible for it to be perfectly filled with sweetness and light every single day. 

When you are in a romantic relationship, you need to be ready for when reality kicks in. It requires a vulnerability that could crush you, trust beyond what's reasonable, forgiveness, compromise, and patience. You have to be ready to roll together, giving each other the strength to plow through life's hurdles. You have to be ready to polish each other's shine, growing and evolving as you go. 

Nobody married 30 years in, is the same person they were on their wedding day. At least you shouldn't be. Life, at this point should have taught you some things, changed your perspectives, expanded your world views. There will be times when you will hurt each other, all we can do is our best not to do it on purpose. Fogiveness is hard, and not everything deserves it. Abuse is unforgivable and should never be given a second chance, other than that, where you draw your line is up to you. Forgiveness should never be mistaken for forgetfulness. Once a deep trust is shattered, I'm not sure it can ever be truly and fully restored. 

If you never fight, is it because you actually agree on everything or that you don't trust that your relationship could handle it? If you are in it and don't feel like you can speak with complete honesty, if you don’t feel safe showing all of who you are, take a  beat and ask yourself why that might be. 

No, real romantic love is not like in the movies. It's messy, it's comforting, it's hard, it's inside jokes, it's someone who holds you up when you need it, but allows you to hold them right back. It's playing to each other's strengths without exploiting weaknesses, not even in a fight. It's fighting with a purpose, striving for a solution, and not just for the sake of fighting. Arguing in circles is pointless. It's an adventure filled with, if you are very lucky, a lot more joy than sorrow, much more laughter than tears, and a love that grows bigger and deeper with every passing year.

Happily Never Always... I wouldn't have it any other way. 

If you are celebrating romantic love, whatever that looks like for you, enjoy!

If you are celebrating friendship love, do it up!

If you are celebrating love of Family, soak it in.

So let's celebrate love. Make it gushy. Make it cheesy. Make it joyous. Make it fun. Make it weird.

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May you celebrate any and all love you have the privilege of having in your life.

May you take a beat to appreciate all of it, whether from a child, friend, husband, or wife.

May you receive true and trustworthy love. You are precious. You are lovable. You are worthy of all things good. 

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