The Dancing Light In The Night Sky...

                                                   Photo Credit: Jon Behuniak Photography

Hi! 

The sky explodes with dancing light, flooding the night sky with a multitude of colour that creates such beauty, tears brought on by the sheer magnificence, slowly escape, because appreciation for this kind of beauty is not meant to be contained. 

I wish I could take credit for these photos, but, sadly, it became too cloudy where I am to get shots that would do it any kind of justice. Thankfully, that was not the case in other parts of the Province. 

This, sits, to me, as proof, once again, of how we, as humans, live in a balance of insignificance and importance, as far as our relevance to the planet.

The only reason we carry any importance whatsoever is because we need to be accountable to our planet for all of the damage we have done, and continue to do. Through ignorance, greed, and pride, we have stomped all over her, all along thinking we are doing good.

Progress comes with a price tag. Just like all things. But, I can't help but wonder if we knew back at the beginning of the industrial age, what we know now, would we have, collectively, done anything at all differently? 

Maybe if different people had been at the helm. Maybe if other countries had been leading the pack. May if greed hadn't been the force behind most decisions. Maybe if....

I mean, don't get me wrong, a tonne of good has come from progress. But, not only good. We live healthier, longer lives. We have eradicated many diseases, and cured a lot more. Communication. I mean, we are one of the Jetsons, at this point, when it comes to that. Travel, leisure, hell they became actual activities. Food, in many regions, became something the privileged actually came to have too much of. Enough to not only allow eating as a form of recreation, but to the point of abundance that it becomes expensive garbage, and contributes to obesity. Some food becoming so processed that even with all of its abundance, obesity and malnutrition are no longer mutually exclusive. 

We can travel from one side of the planet to the other in a matter of hours. Long, grueling, cramped hours, but hours all the same. 

Doctors can assist other doctors from different corners of the globe in real-time. 

We have entire sets of encyclopedias at our fingertips that, when used in concert with good critical thinking skills, can be an invaluable tool. 

But...

When we look upward at the dancing sky, we need to allow ourselves to understand just how small we, as a human race, actually are. The earth, this planet, our home, was around for millions of years before the earliest of us crawled from the ooze, and it will remain long after we are gone.

We are the only species in nature that does damage. And the sad thing is, is that we do it on purpose. All other creatures, plants, and matter of all kinds work together in one way or another to benefit her. If not in the short run, in the long run, for sure. 

We need the planet for us to flourish. Whereas, she would flourish much better without our presence. 

So, what do we do? We know better now, we should be doing better than we are. It's like we know we've been shitty parents but are refusing to take the parenting classes seriously. Then, we double down by not implementing the skills we acquired by sheer osmosis because we sure as hell didn't take any notes or pay any real attention along the way. Then, we clutch our pearls in righteous indignation when she becomes broken, damaged, and begins to rebel. 

We know better now.

Let's do better. 

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May look up, look around, and see all the chaotic beauty and devastation we have caused.

May we do better. 

 

 

It's Icicle Season!

 

Hi!

So it's officially icicle season! 

We are up to twelve hours between sunrise and sunset, there is a bit of warmth in the sun, and the commercials for allergy medications and beach body diets are airing incessantly. Always a sure sign that winter is on its way out. 

Just to be clear, any body is a beach body. Period. Don't allow yourself to be deprived of sun and sand because some people are ignorant.

Don't let the ignorance of others dictate what you do. So march your butt to wherever you want to go, wearing whatever you want to wear, and enjoy. Put yourself in the pictures, and not always at the edge. You're allowed to be in the centre. You deserve to be up front just as much as anyone. 

Ignore the "looks." Everyone in the double-digit size range will know exactly what I'm talking about. You get them in lingerie stores, "skinny" clothing stores, restaurants, you recognize that crap from a mile away. Sadly.

We live in a society in which size discrimination is one of the only kinds that remains unprotected. In the workplace, in travel, in comedy, in all facets of the entertainment industry.If you think I'm exaggerating, answer me this. When was the last time you saw a movie, tv show, reality show wherein a female considered "overweight" was the star. The love interest that wasn't fetishized or used as a drunken mistake of a one-night stand? Where she was given a seriously romantic role, without gimmicks? I'm guessing if you can think of any, you'd be able to count them on one hand. 

Why does being small remain the goal? Why has it not yet shifted to health? Why is it still being assumed that a person is somehow unhealthy simply because they aren't small? And of course, the standards are very different depending on gender. That's a given. Sadly. 

I remember, way back in the day, after having my first two babies 11 months apart, trying to lose that baby weight. I mean I was 21, my good friend had just had a baby too, we were going to do this together. She, my friend, a very petite person. Me? Not so much. 

But, we started counting calories. My hubby worked away from home for weeks at a time. I had my babies, and the littles I cared for in my dayhome, so I used whatever 'free' time I had to exercise. So here we were, I was consuming about 600 calories a day, chasing babies, and working out vigorously about 3 hours a night. (After I had gotten the kids were to bed)

Not surprisingly, I lost weight. I was also fainting a couple of times a week, and even with all of that, the smallest I could force my body to be was a size 10. Still in the double-digit category. 

I was heading down a dangerous path, quite innocently, with the naivety of someone who had never heard of an eating disorder. I thought I was doing the right thing. After all, my friend was doing okay, she didn't have the same effects. So, of course, I blamed myself for my body betraying me, again.

What saved me from who knows where that path may have lead? Getting pregnant with our third baby. At my first doctor's visit, I was read the riot act about my diet and exercise routine. Thankfully. 

So, that came to an end. 

With age, came wisdom. The wisdom to understand that everybody is different. That every body is different. My body was not designed to be small. It was designed to be strong as hell. I've been able to out-lift, out-carry, and physically outwork almost every male I've ever worked with. My body was designed to carry and give birth to four healthy babies. 

I did my very best to help our daughters to have a healthy body image. I tried not to let them see when I wasn't feeling confident. I did my best to not allow my own trauma demons rear their ugly heads and get a vote in determining our girls' self-image. 

Was I successful? You'd have to ask them. But, I hope I, at the very least, helped mitigate the damage that society throws, and didn't contribute to it. 

Society needs to do better. The medical community needs to do better. Teachers, parents, extended family, and peers, need to all do better.

Dear medical community. BMI charts are not accurate. 

According to it, my friend and I should weigh the same. She and I are roughly the same height and age. So, according to the BMI chart, we should weigh the same, right? 

Okay, but not possible. She is very petite. My skeleton very likely weighs more than she does. If you use the BMI chart as a guide, her weight is considered healthy, and mine is not. Any guesses which of us has blood pressure issues? Well, it's not me. 

So yeah, perception is not reality, at least not always. 

So, I guess, my point is this. 

Do your best to eat well. Get up and move. Sleep. Spend some quality time doing absolutely nothing. Hug your family and friends. Wear whatever you like to wear. Go where you want to go. 

Enjoy! After all, it's icicle season!

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May you see beyond the tutorials and Instagram pics, as you gaze in the mirror.

May you gaze in the mirror, and smile, and mean it.

Just Be A Penguin...

Photo Credit: Unknown

Photo Credit: Randy Reid

 

Hi!

The top photo is an image of what becomes visible when an iceberg flips upside down. When the hidden is brought to the surface. The penguins, as you can see, don't care. After all, it's the same iceberg, it's simply shining a bit differently, and looks a little different than they have become accustomed to.  The iceberg has revealed the most beautiful part of itself. It's not what the penguins are used to, but they accept, love, and respect it all the same. 

It's natural, it's necessary, it's beautiful when things evolve, flip, reveal, discover. Do we have to completely understand, in-depth, the process by which the most beautiful things in nature come to be discovered to appreciate their beauty? Short answer? No, no we don't. Do we need to understand the science behind what makes a rainbow a rainbow to admire it in awe? Again? No, no we don't. 

The bottom photo shows what we see every day. This landscape's treasures live on the surface. It sparkles and shines without hindrance.  It's uncomplicated, requires little understanding, it's what we are used to. We accept it as it is. There is beauty in that as well. 

When someone discovers that they have treasures that are living beneath the surface, because of the society we live in, maybe because of their personal circumstance, they may be hesitant to share them. They might need a minute to get comfortable within themselves before they are willing to show themselves in full shine. 

You might know them as a prairie pasture, when they just might be an iceberg on the verge of flipping. When this happens, when you have the honour bestowed upon you to have their shine revealed to you, you have some choices to make. 

You can try to flip them back, chip away, push, shove, ignore, scream yell, eventually stripping away the shine until there is none, leaving nothing but a broken, bruised, self-loathing piece of ice. 

Or, you can be a penguin. Accept the beauty, appreciate their sparkle, embrace their newly discovered treasure. Love them the same, or better yet, even more, because there will be asshats out there that will try to diminish them. They will need all of your extra, to love them through the ignorance. 

Be a penguin. 

Do you need to completely understand every aspect of their discovery to embrace them for who they truly are, again, short answer? No, no you don't.  These newly discovered treasures have always been part of them. They are still the same at their core, the only difference is that they have given themselves permission to flip and reveal all of their sparkle, all of their colours, in all of their glory. You don't need to know what makes a rainbow to be in awe of its beauty. The more you embrace them, the brighter they will be able to shine.

Can you imagine a world made up only of pastures? Do you want to? I don't. No, no I don't. 

Accept, embrace, love, and respect. Be a penguin. Not an asshat. 

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May we learn to react with love, and respect, not fear, not hate.

May we accept, embrace, not rip and tear, creating a dismal fate. 

May you come to understand that you don't need permission to shine. 

May you see your beauty, your worth, find your penguins, you'll be fine. 

*****************************************************************

 

 

 

 

So This Is 57 From Where I Sit...

                                       

                                            Photo Credit for the rainbow: Lloyd J Ferraro

Hi!

Happy Birthday to me!

I know saying that can sound pretty self-indulgent, or self-aggrandizing, to be honest, it feels weird too, but, if you'll indulge me, I'll try to explain as best I can.

Birthdays never used to be a big deal. When you grow up in a big family, there are a lot of them to be sure, so there was never a big fuss made of them. Mom did make a cake, and you usually were allowed to have a friend or two over for a sleepover. 

So, as an adult, they came and went, and becoming a Mom at 20, the birthday focus, quickly went to the littles, as it most definitely should. 

When my dad passed at age 65, once a person had a chance to process the shock and grief, it was a bit of a wake-up call to pay better attention. To kick off the autopilot, make a better effort to live in the moment. The thing is, life was still very hectic, our four girls were teens and pre-teens, in sports, they had school stuff, friend stuff,  my hubby and I each had at least two jobs, 'busy' would have honestly been a vacation. 

The real slap came when my sister passed when she was 46. At this point, our girls were adults-ish, in the process of discovering their own paths. It hit hard. I was 42. 

Birthdays became something different. They became more important. Something to actually celebrate. Does that mean a big party every year? Not for me. For me, it just means I mark it, on purpose. 

Then, in 2021, my eldest sister passed away mere weeks before turning 60. 

Another slap.

So now, I feel I owe it to them to live the kind of life they were ripped from.

Char, the one who passed first, left behind her husband and three boys, the boys on the brink of forging their own path. They are now, committed partners and dads, living full lives. She never had the opportunity to meet, in person, and spoil her grandbabies. She didn't get to meet her daughters-in-law, which she would love, by the way. Pieces of her live on in her boys and her grandbabies, all you have to do is look at them to see that. Her husband found happiness in a new marriage with a sweet, kind woman, and is doing well, thankfully. Char was only 46.

Yvonne was so excited about her new home, her new, soon-to-be retired way of living with the love of her life. She was looking so forward to really breaking in her new kitchen, getting together with family and friends, just hanging out. She was only 59. 

So here I sit. I'm 57. I am soul-crushingly aware of how lucky I am to have the privilege of turning 57. Sometimes it can feel heavy to the point of paralyzing me. Sometimes it's hard to shake the feeling that it's my responsibility to live the lives they were robbed of. The unfulfilled dreams, the memories forever remaining unmade. All of the things that will never be more than 'might have been.' It can feel heavy. 

When the weight gets to be too much, I have to remind myself that they wouldn't want that for me. In fact, they would be the first in line to kick my butt for dwelling on things I can't change. Does that make it easy? Hell, no. But, it does make it tolerable.

What it comes to, at least for me, is this. 

Life can become a hamster wheel of sameness, if we let it. We do the same things the same way, if for no other reason than it's the way we've always done it. I refuse to fall into that trap.

It's important to challenge things, especially the things you brought with you from childhood. The ideas, ideals, habits, priorities, belief systems... 

For example, It has come to my attention that there are those out there who still truly believe that morality is attached to organized religion. As a child being brought up in the Catholic Church, they were taught as one in the same, no doubt. The following of Church rules defined whether you were a good person or not. 

As I walked the world longer, expanding my understanding, meeting a variety of people from different backgrounds and cultures, this religion= morality equation completely debunked itself, so many reasons coming from the church itself. 

Some of the absolute best people I know have no religious affiliation at all. Some of the worst, bound to it from birth. What I have experienced is that it's usually the loudest of the fire and brimstone screamers that are the most self-righteous, but have the least reason to be so. 

And that's just one subject.

So, 57. As I come to accept that I simply can't live the lives my sisters left behind and need to continue to try to do justice to my own, I can do this.

I can continue to expand my thinking and experiences to create the best life I possibly can.

I can continue to strive for a better understanding of the world we walk in.

I can carry my sisters with me without the heaviness of their loss.

I can celebrate. I'm here, and I'm not going to waste it. 

I know that I am far from the only one. 

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You can exist in the stark white sameness of what you know.

You can embrace the whole rainbow, which, in its entirety, has no end. 

Chase the colours of the unknown.