Never Mistake Kindness For Weakness...

 Hi!

Using this medium, within these ramblings, I share my perceptions. I do so without expectation.

This being my 700th entry, I have covered a pretty wide variety of topics, which, gauging from feedback over the years, has provoked an almost equal variety of emotions.

I never begin writing with an intention to anger, or offend, but sometimes it happens, and that's ok. I live in the real world where people can disagree and have vastly different opinions about everything. I don't block people unless their comments become racist, homophobic, or threatening. I generally don't respond to negativity as I find it's a complete waste of time and energy. Generally.

There have been times when my personal heartspace hasn't been strong enough to hold back completely. There have been times when the rabbit hole-dwelling willful ignorance has gotten under my skin. 

I'm human. I'm fine with them insulting me, but when their attacks go after the most vulnerable among us, I find it next to impossible to keep my mouth shut, and keyboard quiet. 

The most hateful comments come as private messages. I'm not sure if they are maybe not as proud of their points of view as they would like to espouse, or if they are simply afraid of being humiliated in public if I so choose to engage.

Either way, if they cross lines, if my patience for their various discriminations is running low, and/or if I can't squelch my spicy that day, they inevitably regret their decision to engage.

If you've been reading these ramblings for any length of time, you know that I'm an advocate for kindness, acceptance, and inclusion. But that does not mean I will blindly accept disrespect and hatred. Like I said, if I'm the target of the insults, I really don't care. I can take it, I ran out of fucks to give a long time ago. But if you come after those who are having to fight for basic equality, for space to simply peacefully exist in this world, I can't allow that to stand. In those cases, silence feels like acquiescence, like I'm okay with whatever garbage they are spewing. I can't do that. 

Never mistake kindness for weakness. 

On the flipside, I have been on the receiving end of countless messages that are inspiring, encouraging, and touch my heart to the core. It's incredibly humbling to hear from people who have found some sort of encouragement, or light to hold on to that has helped them through trying times. I feel incredibly honoured that you feel I am a safe space to share your stories. I will never promise to have all the right answers, but I will always promise to listen. 

The positivity in this world well outweighs the negative. There are so many more decent people out there than there are those who can't seem to muster what they need to be one. 

Kindness should always be our default setting... unless or until the situation requires otherwise. Choose your battles wisely and only when necessary, but when the choice becomes clear... win. 

The privilege of being 700 entries and about 13 years in with these ramblings couldn't happen without you. I would like to thank you all again for taking the time, and expending the energy it takes to read these writings each week. It blows my mind constantly to find that you come from so many different parts of the world. From Burma to Bangladesh. From Sri Lanka to Sweden. From Colombia to Cambodia. From places I need to look up, to the place I call home, and everywhere in between. Thank you all for your continued support. 

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May we all find what we need to live in peace, placing boundaries where they need to be.

May we get to a time and space where equality is complete and real for all of humanity. 

May we replace tolerance with acceptance, as tolerance carries an air of superiority, of condescension.

May we instead speak of inclusion and empathy, making kindness our first and only intention.

May we come to understand that life is not a competition, just trips around the sun we take together.

May we do our best not to create intentional regrets, as we create enough accidentally to last forever. 

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And Let The Seasonal Games Begin...

 

Hi!

Okay, it's only the middle of November and I've already seen multiple posts on social media about saying Merry Christmas, and how if you say Happy Holidays instead it is somehow insulting to those of the Christian faith. 

I mean, there are at least 11 different religious and cultural holidays between now and the end of December, so when you are greeting someone you don't know, and you have absolutely no knowledge if, or what holidays they might celebrate, isn't it simply more polite to not assume the holiday they celebrate is Christmas? 

I've never understood why people get their backs up! After all, isn't this supposed to be the season of peace and joy? That should include everybody, right, not just the people who believe in Jesus? I can't help but wonder when Christians will embrace the understanding that their beliefs don't trump everyone else's. They aren't more important, they aren't more correct, they aren't more superior, they aren't more anything. 

Just the same. That's it. 

So say Merry Christmas if you wish. Say Happy Holidays if Christmas isn't the holiday you celebrate. Say both if you want to. It really doesn't matter. Really.

The only thing that matters is to remember to be kind, be generous of spirit, be inclusive.

After all, you can't really belittle the beliefs of others and claim it's "Christmas" spirit without realizing what massive hypocrisy that represents, can you? Can you?

You can't hold Jesus up with one hand and completely obliterate his teachings with the other and have that make sense, right?

I just kind of feel it defeats the whole concept of Christmas to get so bitter about it that you find the need to create some imaginary war. 

Can we all agree that the world has enough war, enough hate, enough bitterness? Why make up things to add to the foray? 

Let's quit pretending that the "war on Christmas" is real. Okay? Can we do that? Let's just wish each other well, using whatever words make you comfortable, and call it a day. 

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May we all come to understand that this nonsense war of phrase serves absolutely no purpose.

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Another Gentle Good-Bye...

 

Hi!

When you come from a family the size of mine, it's the source of a lot of joyful occasions. There are tons of baby announcements, weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries, not to mention all of the other milestones along the way. We have reunions,  graduations, achievements in sports, academics, and the arts. We are an eclectic group, so there is an incredible variety of things to celebrate. 

Unfortunately, the flip side of the joy is the fact that we are forced to say goodbye to parts of our hearts more frequently than most families. This week we lost another special Auntie.

This is Auntie Josine. A daughter, wife, mother, auntie, nurse, yoga master, and all-around resourceful,  smart, beautiful lady. This particular aunt lived pretty far away, so I wasn't able to spend the kind of time with her that it takes to forge a close relationship, but this is what I've come to understand. 

Born in 1938, the fourth in a line that would become 14, her childhood, like a lot of kids in rural Saskatchewan at that time, was filled with too much responsibility, and hard work, mixed with a healthy dose of mischief and laughter. 

This incredibly strong woman survived cancer once, only to have it take her from us in the end. She will be greatly missed by many. 

Life comes with no guarantees. We tend to put things off, the important conversations, the visits, simply spending time. 

We tend to do this for a variety of reasons. We are busy. We're not sure how to approach a particular conversation. We have unhealed wounds we aren't prepared to address. We're holding a grudge.

Whatever the reason, we need to learn that it's worth it. Even if whatever it is doesn't end in rainbows and sunshine, it can provide resolution... closure.

So have the conversation, make the trip for the visit, make use of that phone in your hand. Time is not ours to keep. 

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May your soul take flight, soon to be reunited with those you've missed most.

May you understand that you've left behind the best of you, holding your memory close. 

May all who need to learn to walk this world without you, find comfort, for your pain is now gone.

May they find a way to once again revel in sunsets, knowing the darkness will give way to the dawn. 

May you find peace, and rest, for you deserve a gentle sleep.

May we find peace, and once again find joy, but for now, we'll sadly, gently weep. 

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In Remembrance...

 Hi!

This weekend, in Canada, we take a beat to honour those who have sacrificed to afford us the fabulous freedoms we have. 

Freedom, as we know, is never free. It requires our armed forces' generosity of spirit, skill, and willingness to put themselves in harm's way. It requires their families and friends to give up time with those they love. It depends on those who put at risk their bodies, mental health, and souls. 

Our freedoms were, and continue to be, hard fought for. They are not something we should ever take for granted. You needn't look far to see that there are those, often under the guise of religion, or conservatism, who are trying to pull back certain freedoms. We have those who have consumed the Kool-Aid about stripping back the rights of women to determine what happens to their own bodies. There are those who are actively trying to re-entangle church and state, forgetting completely that freedom of religion, means just that. It means that any person can choose to worship in whatever capacity they see fit, or not at all, if that's what they so choose. The point is the government has no business dictating law based on any kind of religious doctrine. None. 

To do so is an insult to those who have fought to secure these freedoms. 

Some are trying to claw back LBGTQ+ rights. Trying to cause fear so it can feed division. I mean it doesn't take much to look up stats. More people should. Statistically, your child is much safer hanging out with drag queens than they are with men of the clergy. Facts. Here's one more. The likelihood of a trans person being attacked in a bathroom is a ton higher than the likelihood of them being the actual attacker. 

The queer community represents a very small percentage of our population as a whole, yet represents the highest percentage of people getting attacked. 

The world gets in trouble when entire swaths of society are pushed to fear and hate another. 

It's the foundation of all prejudice. Use fear to create hate, then throw it at a slice of humanity that is already vulnerable. Then comes the arrogance of believing in some type of superiority over said groups. This superiority delusion is usually propped up by false beliefs of moral, cultural, religious, classist, racist bull crap that have no basis in fact to exist. 

I wish those who believe any one human can be more valuable than another could bring themselves to understand...

Morality has nothing to do with religion.

Cultural diversity is incredibly fantastic.

Equity in rights takes nothing from those who already enjoy them.

How someone wants to dress, present themselves to the world, what they like to do for fun, who they marry, if they become parents, how they like to be addressed.... makes no difference in your life... just say a cheers to the joy and move on. It's none of your business. 

So, to those who have, and continue to sacrifice for our freedoms... thank you. A phrase over-used, yet small, piddly, really, as it isn't big enough to carry the gratitude you deserve. 

The best way I can think of to show proper gratitude is to celebrate those freedoms in the best possible way. Sharing them with every human. Period.

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May we all celebrate the freedoms we enjoy, and share them with all of humanity.

May we bring to an end the fear and crazy hatred, and instead strive toward love and sanity. 

 

The Warrior, The Hero, And The Hypocrite...

 

Hi!

What defines a warrior? What makes a hero a hero? What constitutes a hypocrite?

From what I can glean from the experiences I've lived through both alone and with others, here it goes.

 Just please know that I never expect everyone to agree with my take on things, nor do I believe in any way that I have all the answers. The most I ever hope for is that maybe one person can relate, maybe someone who might be struggling to fight their way out of the shadows will find something in these ramblings to hold on to until the light finds them once again. 

To me, a warrior finds a way to put one foot in front of the other, no matter what life throws at them. Does that mean they march through without damage, without tears, without scars, without pain, without rest? No. It simply means they don't stay down when knocked to the ground. They may lay there for a while, catch their breath, get help to get back on their feet, but they don't stay down. 

A warrior has strength that runs so deep, it can go undetected until it's needed. When you think you have nothing left, when it feels like you're on the receiving end of an emotionally fatal blow, when your soul feels shattered, and everything seems dark, it shows you who you are. In these moments a warrior's strength will surge to the surface, ready to be tapped into. Ready to help put that one foot in front of the other. 

A warrior knows when to rest, when to ask for help, knowing these are anything but signs of weakness.  None of us are an island. None of us were meant to face life alone. A warrior will let people in, have the courage to be vulnerable, know how to be a friend, and receive friendship. 

A hero saves. A hero knows when to help, and when to stand by. A hero needs no accolades. A hero helps because it's the right thing, even when it's hard. Heroes don't create chaos, they don't escalate, They anticipate need and fulfill it. It's not all pulling people out of burning buildings, or saving damsels in distress. Mostly, it's noticing when someone is struggling, and offering a hand up. Mostly, it's expressing compassion when and where it's needed regardless of social fashionability. 

Heroes save their applause for those they help to thrive. 

So, last but not least... hypoctrites.

Or, may they are least.

To me, a hypocrite is someone who loves to be congratulated for their fundraising efforts for charity, but shows no charity in their daily lives. 

To me, a hypocrite is someone who professes to protect children, but then, can't even be bothered to ensure they all get to eat every single day, their most basic need.  The ones who profess protection the loudest don't seem to have the slightest clue what children need protection from. 

They think drag queens in colourful, cheerful costumes reading children's stories to kids is something they need protection from.

Yet, they don't think our kids need protection from guns.

They think that queer children should be outed without their consent... for their 'protection.' It's absolutely dangerous, cruel, and stomps all over their rights to privacy. All this protects is their phobic ideology, making it easier to spread the hate and fear they like to vomit all over everyone.

To me, a hypocrite is someone who spouses anti-abortion garbage, but has no interest in helping support the children they are forcing people to birth. 

To me, a hypocrite is someone who weaponizes religion to wield hate of every colour under the rainbow. 

I think there is a bit of each in all of us... feed the ones you wish to grow. 

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May we all feed our warrior, nurture our hero, and starve our hypocrite. 

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