Hi!
One of the most popular phrases of our time is "self-care," it sounds awesome and essential, but what does it actually mean?
As part of the "Let's Talk" conversation, I think it's worth thinking about.
As I can only talk about life through my own filter, my own traumas, my own lens, I can really only define self-care as I feel it.
For me, and I'm sure I'm not alone, self-care comes in a variety of flavours. Sometimes, a long soak and a good book is what I need, sometimes, it's goofing off with grandbabies, sometimes, it's long walks in the fresh air, sometimes it's curling up on the couch with my honey watching movies, sometimes it's cranking the music and dancing like I'm a contender for the gold.
I don't think I'm assuming too much by thinking that everyone has more than one version of self-care in their arsenal of tools.
If we aren't sure, there are many videos and articles with suggestions that might spark an idea that works for us.
But, what I find, is having the tools isn't enough. Knowing we need to look after ourselves and actually doing so, are two very different things.
How many of us wait too long before using what's in our toolboxes?
Why do we tend to wait until we are hanging on by our fingernails before we take that breath?
Why do we wait until we are overwhelmed before we ask for help?
We need to do better for ourselves. We need to check in with ourselves more often, reaching into that toolbox for small tune-ups instead of waiting until the dashboard is lit up like an overloaded Christmas tree.
So, maybe it's a good idea to take stock of our toolboxes now and again to make sure that there are a variety of things in there, and that none of them do more harm than good in the long run. Sometimes what seems like a tool, can easily become a weapon.
Like booze, like drugs, like too much junk food. What seems to be a positive type tool in the minute, can turn into a weapon we then wield upon ourselves pretty quickly, if we aren't paying close enough attention.
Sometimes, it takes a deep study of ourselves to figure out what actually overwhelms us, stresses us, causes anxiety. Is it what seems obvious? Job, kids, money, surface things? Or, is it deeper than that? What is it about the job, exactly? What is it about the kids? Is money the real issue, or something it represents?
Maybe, if a person digs a bit, and gets to the roots, we'd be able to rid ourselves of at least some of the weeds.
We all have reasons we do the things we do. Reasons why we react the way we do. Reasons we perceive things the way we do.
We each look at, and walk through life carrying our very own unique and incredibly personal baggage. We carry our traumas and scars, most of which we bury far beneath the surface as to make sure no one sees them, or knows of their existence. We too, carry the skills, lessons, and tools we have gathered along the way.
As we grow, we discover that some of the things we have held on to, fully thinking they were tools are actually weights we have been carrying that don't even belong to us.
One example.
Being fiercely independent = We associate asking for help as weakness.
This is one of the things I struggle with. A tool that turns into a weapon I deploy upon myself on a pretty regular basis.
Everybody has their stuff. We can have empathy and compassion but we can never truly walk in someone else's shoes, no matter how hard we try. But, kindness can go a long way. We don't need to fully understand in order to love someone through a hard time.
So, my friends, please take care of yourselves, whatever that looks like for you.
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May we drop the weights from the baggage we carry, as they don't belong to us.
May we leave them behind, without guilt, there need not be fanfare, nor fuss.
May we take a beat to check in each day, and not wait for the alarms to ring.
May truly caring for ourselves become the norm, not just a trending thing.
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