Lessons Are The Goal, Not Just What Happens Along The Way...

 

Hi!

Well, it's graduation and wedding season, once again!

Two incredible, life-changing events that though not everyone experiences literally, most hit these milestones in some form or another. We graduate from one job to another, we have long-term relationships that aren't necessarily formalized on paper, but that doesn't make these horizons any less important, or meaningful. 

These events, though happy and exciting can also be stressful and challenging.

Graduation.

Whether you are graduating preschool, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, university, switching jobs, or entering a new life chapter, you are facing a change which will require decisions. Of course, as a child, you generally have little input into what comes next, but once you hit that high school one, you shift from passenger, with that back seat driver confidence, to the driver. If you are very lucky you have support and some semblance of guidance if you want it, but the direction you take from here is on you. 

Luckily, very few decisions in life are actually, factually, life and death decisions.

That doesn't mean they aren't big, that they aren't important, or that they should be taken lightly, it just means if they are wrong, you can and will recover.

First, just know there is no possible way to get it all right. Nobody gets every decision right. That's impossible. What is "right" anyway? You will make some choices that end up biting you in the ass, it's inevitable. It's human. It's life. But, with every bite comes a lesson. With lessons, if we are wise, we learn. With learning, hopefully we do better for ourselves and those we love. 

Second, the biggest favour you can do for you is to be brutally honest with yourself. You alone know how deep you can dig, if you really are giving 100%, or where your true talents lie. Only you know for sure what you are capable of in life, love, community and career. This doesn't mean you need to have a deep understanding of this right off the jump. That would be insane. As you gain knowledge of the world, you also have the opportunity to soak in knowledge about yourself. You then can take that knowledge and run with it. 

Third, being uncomfortable is necessary. If you spend your entire life only doing what makes you comfortable, you can't grow. Comfort zones are self-imposed prisons that create limits where there need not be any. That doesn't mean you become wreckless, it just requires you to be brave. If we want to capture dreams, we need to first leave the boxes that have been built around us, first by others, then by us. 

Fourth, as you walk through life, if you are paying attention, you will discover just how much you don't know, and that lessons are the goal, not just what happens along the way. 

So celebrate this milestone, whatever it looks like in your life. New horizons are gorgeous!

Wedding.

Not everyone chooses to be married, some would like to be, but aren't, some are perfectly happy in a relationship without paperwork, but there are those who want to be married and are able to capture that dream. Some are lucky enough to find the desire for that commitment more than once in a lifetime. 

For transparency's sake, and for those who may be new to these ramblings, my hubby and I have been together for 38 years, and have been married for 36 of those. Yup, we were married in 1987, and I was 7 months pregnant with our second daughter on our wedding day. 

Coming from a very Catholic background, you can imagine, it was not exactly a stress-free period in our lives. 

Statistically, our marriage should have never happened, let alone be successful. We only knew each other for three months when I became pregnant with our first daughter. We were 19 and 21 years old. We had heavy opposition from my parents. We were poor as hell. We had four daughters by the time I had my 25th birthday. Statistically, we shouldn't exist as a happily married couple, but here we are, killin' it. 

Why do I tell you this? Because we are proof that life can work, regardless, or maybe in spite of the odds.

I am well aware that we are the exception and not the rule. But we are possible. 

For some, who choose to seek it, it can take a few tries to find that partner in life. Some find it, and lose their person through sheer tragedy, but are able to find someone to ride the waves with once again. Not a replacement, by any stretch, but someone to walk with going forward, a completely different relationship, but no less important.

Weddings can be stressful. They can challenge relationships surrounding the couple. There are hurdles when there are kids involved, no matter the age. Blending families can be tough, but I've seen it happen successfully and happily. This may be the exception, but it's possible. 

No matter what you choose, how you wish to walk this earth, do so with grace, empathy, kindness, acceptance, and compassion. Everyone is worthy of happiness.

Horizons. Both beautiful and mysterious, we can perceive hints as to what is just over them, but we can't know for sure until we leave our boxes and explore. 

New Horizons Are Gorgeous!

How You Know Life Is Good...

 

Hi!

With all of the darkness that seems to permeate the very air we breathe, both figuratively and literally, it can become pretty easy to get weighed down by it all. 

But, here's the thing, or things, I guess... look up. Look up, look around, you won't have to look far to find out life is pretty damn good. 

-Here in Canada, right now, at this moment, we have a crazy amount of huge wildfires going on in vastly different parts of our country. But also here in Canada, we have heroic, talented, firefighters and volunteers who are making headway on these fires, and there is rain in the forecast! Also, we, the ones unable to help physically, in person,  have opportunities to donate to the efforts in a lot of different ways.  

-Throughout history, there have been plenty of times when distorted belief systems, and greed, lead to times of conflict, cruelty, and chaos. But, also throughout history, these times give way to peace. I mean, never everywhere all at once, at least I don't think so, but it happens. 

-History books are full of people who tried to convince other people that still other people were somehow less than. Whether it was because of their skin colour, their religion, where they were born, or simply how they wish to represent themselves as they walk through the world. But... even though it always seems to take waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long, they eventually discover that the majority of people, meaning more than they were able to convince otherwise, believe, and will stand up for, the fact that those delusions of superiority are just that, delusions, and don't buy in. Then, as a society, we get to keep moving forward toward harmony. Who knows if we will ever achieve it completely, but we can't not continue to try. 

-If you look closer, you will find things that prove over and over again that life is good. Watching a little one discover bar-b-que, the heartbreaking beauty of a moment of unfettered love between siblings, fancy potlucks with incredible friends, an evening sky filled equally with both promise and mystery. 

-If you look even closer, you will find people who care for you, love you, are there for you. They may not be family by blood, but they are family, all the same. No one should ever feel alone. If you know, come across, or have a feeling about someone feeling that way, please let them know, that even if no one else does, you care. It can be a smile, a meal, some change, hell, sometimes just any simple kindness or courtesy can do the trick. You never know what your impact on someone else's life might be, so try to make it positive. It may only last seconds, but it can make a lifetime of difference. 

-If you look even closer yet... you are here, you are worthy of all good things, your heart is beating, air is moving in and out, you have the ability to think.

Life is good. Don't waste it. 

Do what you can for as many as you can for as long as you can, and do so without an audience or applause. 

How you know life is good.... you're living it. 

**********************************************************************

May every step taken be toward discovering a better way to be.

May we work together toward inclusion, wear your rainbow for all the world to see. 

*********************************************************************

All I Have, This Week, Is Questions...

 

Hi! 

Well folks, this is going to be a bit of a write-and-run situation. 

It's nothing earth-shattering, just a bit busier than normal.... haha normal, like that's a thing.

I do have a few questions that I'm trying to find answers to, maybe I'll get a better handle on some answers by the time I put fingers to the keys next week. 

Question one: How is it that one small group of people, simply because they are loud seem to make decisions for everyone? Did I miss something, or do we still live in a democracy where majority rules. 

Question two: Now, of course, I realize that not all organized religions are cut from the same cloth, so to speak. That being said, why do organized religions seem to confuse religion and morality, religion and decency, religion and compassion when, from the actions of some said religions throughout history and to this day, prove the opposite to be true? 

Question three: Some of my generation and older like to disparage the younger generations for being "soft." I don't know about you, but I don't remember having to go through active shooter drills, deal with book bans, a pandemic, record-high inflation, and trying to leave the proverbial nest and make ends meet when wages and cost of living expenses are on different planets. 

Question four: When are we going to come to a true consensus that trying to fit people into boxes is nothing but damaging? Damaging for the fitter and the fitted. Differences are fantastic, embracing them even more so. and if it's a difference you truly and sincerely have difficulty understanding it is nothing but an opportunity to learn. Okay, maybe I have one answer. 

Question five: How do you keep meringue cookies from getting sticky when your house is humid as hell after a thunderstorm?

Anyway, all I have this week are questions... maybe next week, some more answers?

P.S. The blanket in the second photo, yeah I totally crocheted that. The last one I made was when I quit smoking, years ago. I was trying to keep my hands occupied. This one was on a whim inspired by one of my daughter's offer of some leftover yarn. In case you were wondering. 

***************************************************************

May everything you do, everything you need, and everything positive come your way in abundance!

 

Finding The Upside...

 

Hi!

Sometimes it's hard to discern whether a storm is brewing or clearing. 

Which one you are hoping for will depend on where you are and the circumstances in which you find yourself. 

You may need rain, and are more than willing to put up with the howling wind, crashing thunder, and dangerous lightning that comes with it because, well, it's the way it is. Sometimes that's how the rain you need comes, you can't control in what way or how much you get. 

You may be satiated, drenched, on the verge of being flooded, and the very LAST thing you need is more rain, let alone the crap that can come with it. It feels like if one more single drop falls, it will simply be too much, the ground will collapse beneath you, and you will disappear. 

So, whether you are desperate for rain, or are holding on by your fingertips as you wait for the storm to clear, you, meaning all of us, have to come to understand that we have zero control over the storms, their intensity, how long they last or the level of replenishment or damage it provides. 

But...

Because we know storms are inevitable, we can prepare. If something huge is coming over the horizon, we can batten down the hatches, tie things down, put things under shelter... prepare. If it's a simple shower coming with a bit of an umbrella and some boots, we can dance in the puddles, making the best of it. Finding the upside. 

Of course, there are storms that come out of nowhere, without warning. They blindside us, and can do damage that can feel impossible to come back from. The trauma caused by storms like this is impossible to get through alone. Family, friends, and communities come together to help each other through. Finding, even though it is so incredibly difficult to find, the upside.

Recovering from brutal storms takes time. Rushing, or trying to cut corners rarely works. You just have to do the work.

Your personal storms are unlike those of anyone else. How you are prepared or wired to handle them is also unique. It can be anything from a bloody nose to a cancer diagnosis. It can be the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one. It can be a flat tire or a crippling car accident. It can be a pimple on prom day, or a near-fatal heart attack.

I think both the blessing and the curse are that we don't get to choose when or where or how severe our storms might be. We can make choices to mitigate what we can. We can eat healthily, do everything we can to avoid addictions, move our bodies, and be kind, not only to others, but to ourselves as well. 

So....

Prepare by making the best choices you can for yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Do your best to find the upside, even, and maybe especially when you need time to do so. 

At the end of the day we are here to do the best be can with the time we are given. In dark times time can seem to stand still, in bright times it seems to fly by at lightning speed. But, literally, if we are very lucky, we get to walk this planet for several decades. 

The global average life expectancy is about 74 years. That's 3848 weekends. How are you choosing to spend them?

I hope in a never-ending search for the upside. 

*********************************************************************

May you, when hit by the worst, reach out, reach up, just reach until you feel the hand of someone reaching back.

May you see that you're worth the work it takes to recover, no matter the damage, you can, with help and time, get on track. 

********************************************************************

When The Smoke Clears...

The first two photos are credited to CTV

 

Hi!

So, right now, in several regions of Canada, wildfires are out of control. People have been evacuated, smoke is prevalent and far-reaching, and the fight is far from over.

The heat and flames continue to chase the wildlife from their safe spaces into the unknown, inevitably putting them in harm's way. 

Firefighters, the military, and volunteer citizens are doing everything they can to stop this monster from consuming any more land. It seems like an impossible battle, but battling remains the only choice. 

Fire is a greedy enemy without conscience, without discretion, without remorse. There is no cease-fire in this kind of war. This enemy never rests, it is greedy and is driven by perpetual hunger.

So to those who are in the path of this beast, can taste its breath, and feel the rhythm of its soul,  please take care. If you are being asked to evacuate for safety, please do. No matter how important to you, no matter how hard you worked to create the life you have, physical belongings will never be worth your life. I can't imagine how hard it must be to drive away from your home, not knowing if it will be there when you return. I know I'm not alone when I tell you my heart aches for what you are going through. 

To those who are trying to turn the cause of this tragedy into something political by sprinkling your conspiracy nonsense all over it, just stop. The situation is stressful enough without you pulling gullible people into your crazy. Although the experts believe about 45% of the current burn has been caused by human carelessness, there is NO evidence that this is some co-ordinated anything by anybody. It just isn't. So just stop it. Trying to pit people against other people when the real war is between people and the fire is simply wrong. Period.

To those who are fighting the fires... this list includes the official firefighters, the pilots, the plane mechanics, the volunteers, the companies donating equipment, the data trackers... all of you... Although the biggest Thank you feels absolutely inadequate, it's all I can do from where I am. I am in the process of finding out the best ways to do more with donations etc. I sincerely wish I had the resources, power, and/or influence to do more. Please take care. 

When the smoke clears, hopefully, the damage done can be repaired, and people will have intact lives to get back to. The recovery from something like this must be incredibly hard, how could it not be. Canadians tend to be resourceful, resilient, very community-minded, and the ability to work hard is simply part of our DNA. Recovery is not a matter of if, it's just a matter of when. 

In the meantime, if you are willing and able to donate please get in touch with your local government official's office to find out the best way to do so from where your are. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Hi!

Ahhhhh Mother's Day....

As every Mom is human, the chances that any of us are perfect are nil.

There, I fixed it. 

Being a Mom is messy. Being a Mom is exhausting. Being a Mom often requires us to develop skills that go against our nature. Being a Mom demands more sacrifice than anyone can make us understand before we become one. Being a Mom is hard. Being a Mom will both fill and break your heart.

Being a Mom is a privilege. Being a Mom is an honour. Being a Mom is a soul-crushing level of responsibility. Being a Mom is standing by with baited breath as you watch pieces of your heart exist, live, love, and grow outside of yourself. 

Being a Mom is pouring yourself into the care, nurturing, and guidance of these humans, trying desperately not to screw it up, all the while knowing your failures, whether big or small, are inevitable. 

We set ourselves up.

We have this romantic vision of Mommyhood. The perfect baby's room with all the perfect furniture, with all the perfect accessories, the perfect toys. Our baby will be sleeping through the night in mere weeks. They will be out of diapers by two and the very latest. They will be reading and doing university-level calculus by kindergarten, because we are just that good.

Then reality seeps in. 

The truth is this. 

There are no two children who thrive under identical parenting. Each kid is different and needs different things. If you read these ramblings regularly, you know we have 4 grown daughters. Each of them needed a different kind of parenting. It makes sense. 

Every human has their own unique needs that help them thrive. It's not one size fits all. What helps one person thrive makes another wither. 

Some need to learn by doing, others by observing, and some, need both equally. 

Look, all we can do is our best on any given day.

That 'best' will not be the same each day, and that's ok.

We do everything we can to encourage them to be good, kind humans who show compassion and exhibit empathy toward others.  

We do everything we can to encourage them to shine, never letting anyone diminish their sparkle. 

We encourage them to be nothing more than who they are, and that that is more than enough. 

We try to get them to understand that they are worthy of all good things simply because they breathe, simply because they are here. 

We try to get them to see that they are precious, but never more so than anyone else. 

Yes, being a Mom is messy, being a Mom is hard, and being a Mom sometimes pulls more from us than we have, at times. 

But....

Being a Mom is still, by far, the biggest piece of who I am. It was all of who I was for a long time, as it needed to be, as I wanted it to be. Now, although I'll always be their Mom, they are adults now, and need me less, as it should be. I look forward to exploring other pieces of who I am. 

That exploration began with writing my first book, who knows where it may lead. 

So Happy Mother's Day to the new Moms, the veteran Moms, to absolutely every Mom.

Enjoy it in any and every way possible.

******************************************************************

May you, if you're a Mom, accept the kindnesses of the day, no matter how they taste, look or sound.

May you know the love that runs through your macaroni necklace, has no limits, knows no bounds.

May you get a nod, or maybe even a hug from your angsty, hormonal, pissed-at-everything, almost adult.

May you tap into that deep pool of patience for that secretive human, they, like you, are doing their best, the hormones, after all, are not their fault. 

May we all remember to send our Moms love that day, if we are still so privileged as to be able to do so.

*********************************************************************

 

Sasky Traffic Jams, Comfy Slippers, And Yup... That's A Table Top!!!!

 

Hi!

What a time to be alive!

Okay, these photos..

The top one depicts a classic situation during spring and fall, where I call home.

Where I live there is an abundance of giant equipment that has to get from point A to point B and sometimes point C, D and E, pretty much daily, on any given road, at any given time. The thing they have most in common? They move painstakingly slowly.

Other drivers, those in regular vehicles, can sometimes get very impatient, honking, making multiple attempts to pass, sometimes, putting themselves and others at unnecessary risk.

It's not like the farmer can pull an Antman, and shrink. They can't all of a sudden make it go faster, or fly, or anything else. Your incessant honking, bobbing and weaving, and bird-flipping aren't going to change that. It can't do what it can't do.

When you come across this kind of a whoa-up, you basically have two choices.

1) Get yourself all worked up, get your blood-pressure up, get stressed, get mad, you know, morph into a Karen. Allowing yourself to believe that you, and whatever you are doing, somehow, in this moment, on this road, are more important than anyone else. More important than the oncoming traffic you keep sticking the nose of your car in front of. More important than those driving behind you who are left to try to predict what your road-raging ass might lead you to do next. And, definitely more important than the person driving the equipment. You don't give a crap that they know what they are doing and are doing it as fast, as effectively and as safely as possible. They need to get to their destination intact, so once there, they can be successful in completing their job.

or.....

2) If you are going to be late, call whomever is waiting, and let them know. Then, find a good podcast, or some music, or an audiobook, sit back, and roll with it. Trust that the person in charge of that massive machine knows what they are doing, and that if you are patient, a clear path forward will reveal itself. No anger, no dangerous shortcuts, no bird-flipping, no putting others, unnecessarily, in harm's way.

We can apply this to so many other facets of our lives.

Things happen. we decide how to react.

When the road to accountability, especially for the privileged and powerful, seems to be jammed with giant equipment that moves at a snail's pace, we have those same two choices as to how to react. Although it's slow, it is moving. I choose to trust that the people driving are moving as fast, as effectively and as safely as possible. They need to get to their destination intact, so once there, they can be successful in completing their job. I would rather they tread with care, so every stinking step sticks for life. 

The second photo.

New slippers! Why giant, goofy slippers? Because silly is awesome and they will make an excellent addition to my collection. Right beside my moose heads, monkeys, and poop emoji ones. 

Do they serve some deep purpose? No. No, they don't. They keep my feet warm and make me smile. That's it.

I think over the last few years, what with the world getting basically flipped on its head, revealing both the best and worst of humanity, almost everyone became stuck in some form of fight or flight mode. I think it hits different people differently, and with different intensity. 

There for a while, everything was a huge decision. How to get groceries, where to get them, how to leave the house when we needed to, how to interact with others, hell everything, and I do mean every thing was big. Things we didn't think twice about before, now felt like a life and death decision. We forgot how to laugh.

We seem to be coming out of it. But, along the way, I think we've lost some of our silly. Our goofy felt so frivolous for so long, it feels like we are hesitant to let it back into our lives. Not everything is life and death. It's time to reclaim our silly and let our goofy fly. It's okay to laugh until your stomach aches and your face hurts. Hell, it's essential. 

The third photo.

A tabletop at Hooters! What a cool idea!

I know Hooters has been around forever, but not here! The first one in our area just opened recently. 

Yes, I, me, a feisty feminist, went to Hooters. For one, I'm a firm believer in not evaluating a book by its cover. Outwardly, on its face, the entire premise of the place seems deeply misogynistic. But, I wanted to see if that's really how it was.

First off, the uniform seems harsh. I mean, between the butt-flossing shorts and the scoop-necked t-shit barely covering a bra pushing glitter-laden boobs to chin level, I'm not sure how these young women can work in any kind of comfort. The clothes are kind of revealing, I'm hoping that corporate offers staff other options if they aren't comfortable, or feel exposed. 

One thing they do, that as a former server, pisses me off is the way they administer their tip out. A tip out is when a portion of a server's tips are shared with bartenders, cooks etc. A practice that has gone on forever. What is new to me is this. These servers tip out 6% of each table total. Which is fine. But.. if that table doesn't tip, the server STILL has to tip out 6% of the table total. Again, even if there is 0 tip, the server has to tip out 6%. 

The moral of the story? They are likely far from the only ones that have this practice. So, TIP!

You could very well be literally taking money out of your server's pocket otherwise. If you don't want to tip, don't go out. Plain and simple. 

As a whole, the Hooters experience was okay. The food wasn't great, but not the worst I've had. Upon chatting with staff, I discovered that they are pretty good about allowing flexibility in scheduling to accommodate staff who are students or parents, or just need flexibility. 

Do I think there would be some ugliness around size discrimination, and other expectations when it comes to the image of "Hooter Girls"? Let's just say, I don't think you'd have to peel back much of the onion to make you cry. 

I'll leave it at this. 

I hope they treat their staff with equality and respect. I hope they improve their food menu. I hope they have different options available for uniforms. 

I wonder if they allow you to serve tables when you're pregnant? It would be interesting to find out. 

So, inconclusion...

Be patient, don't karen and be kind.

Take part in every laugh you can find.

Tip your servers, if you don't, they could be as good as fined. 

************************************************************