I Make Big Buns And I Cannot Lie...

 

Hi!

So, everyone goes through crap. 

You get down, stressed, have a bad day/week/month/year.

God knows with all that's been going on in the world, it's not exactly a surprise that people are struggling. 

Everybody copes differently.

Some exercise, some binge watch whatever has the power to distract them, some read, some drink, some drink too much, some deal through humour, and, yes some bake.

Please know that in no way am I dismissing or trivializing the seriousness of depression in any or all of its forms. I am painfully aware of the difference between having a hard time and clinical depression.

If you find yourself being swallowed by darkness and can't dig your way out, it is imperative that you reach out for help. If it feels like you are trying to dig yourself out of a well with a teaspoon, it's because you are. You need help, and that is more than ok. It's impossible to get from where you are to where you need to be without the proper tools. Let someone help you replace your teaspoon with a ladder. 

Different people need different tools. If you need help finding what works for you, I beg, please, ask for what you need. Don't let people convince you it's all in your head, or you should just shake it off, or get over it.

You are precious. You are not a burden. You are not broken. You deserve to be here. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to thrive. 

Actual, medically diagnosed depression flirts with more people than one might think. Most of us, however, are lucky in that it doesn't take hold and wrap us in that inescapable darkness. The fact that it doesn't take hold isn't because we are stronger, it isn't because we are without flaws, it's simply because we are wired a little differently. That's it. That's all.

Personally, I have a toolbox that contains a variety of things, but even a mixed bag can feel a bit depleted at times. So sometimes I read, sometimes I watch things to distract, sometimes I go for long walks, sometimes I stay in my tub until my toes are raisined, and, yes, sometimes, I bake. 

I bake cookies, I bake cakes, I make squares, and, you got it, I bake buns. Some are of the cinnamon variety, some are heavy on the butter, some include cheeses, garlic, and other savory spices, some contain cranberries and oranges. One thing that seems to remain the common denominator is the size. Yup, I make big buns and I cannot lie. 

The reason they are big? Likely habit. When you've made buns as often as I have over the years, when it comes to forming them you slip into autopilot and muscle memory takes over. That's likely why it's so relaxing. You grasp the same amount of dough each time, you stretch it from the bowl the same way each time, you cut off the same amount of dough the same way each time, with the same knife, using the same pans. Habit.

So I make big buns, each and every time. Which is fine, as long as big buns are still the goal. If I want a different outcome I would have to adjust each step taken. Override the autopilot, and do it differently.

As long you enjoy big buns, as long as they continue to provide everything you require of them, there is no need to change anything. You can if you feel like it, but there is no need.

On the other hand, if the big buns you are making are going to waste, are becoming difficult to shape, suddenly feel too heavy in your hand, if you had to get new pans and the big buns no longer fit like they used to, or you're just tired of big buns, hit the override.

Your soul tells you when change needs to happen, all you have to do is be willing to listen. 

When you have to continually convince yourself to do something. When you have to constantly talk yourself into things. When things feel too heavy, maybe it's simply time to override your autopilot and stop making big buns. 

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Until next time...

May you find the courage to override your autopilot when you have to talk yourself into your life as it sits.

May you find a way to shift toward joy, shed the heavy, create what makes you smile, rebuild for a better fit.

May you give yourself permission to reach for a hand, reach for a lifeline, reach for what you need.

May you find it, all of it, everything, take your time, it's not a race, just get there at your own speed.

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