You Are A Warrior... Lift Your Eyes And Walk Like One.

 

Hi!

So....Women's Day.

Let me preface this whole thing, all of the words that are about to spew from my fingertips, let me preface them with this. I know not all men are predatory. Ok? I know. So, if you are a man and, after reading this, entertain the thought of coming at me all defensive, aggressive, and/or abusive, just know that in doing so, you are demonstrating my point to the nth degree. 

As a human female that has walked this planet for 55 years, having had jobs in a variety of sectors, I can tell you firsthand that I have had to physically defend myself from either co-workers, customers, bosses, and/or strangers more times than I care to count. 

The sleazy remarks, the smarmy looks, the completely inappropriate 'banter' that we are conditioned to laugh off is not even the half of it. This doesn't take into account the 'accidental' pressing into you, the cornering in private spaces, the reaching up skirts, down shirts, and full-on butt/boob/vagina grabbing. The ugly words don't take into account the stalking, the intimidating, the threatening, the pressure. 

We shouldn't have to teach our girls to defend themselves from men. But, here we are.... still. We should be doing a better job of teaching men. Men need to learn, unlearn, and relearn a lot of things.

For example:

We don't need or want strangers to comment on our looks, or talk to us, or sit by us, or walk beside us. If we would like to talk to you we will. 

Sexual jokes/comments/questions etc are never okay in the workplace. Nope. Not. Ever. Even if we laugh it off, it's out of discomfort, not because you're funny. I promise. 

Get over your entitlement. We don't owe you anything. Not a smile, not a giggle, not a conversation, not a kiss, not sex, anything. Period.

Stop touching us, unless you are invited to do so. And I mean a real invitation, not one you've concocted in your head. Not some misinterpreted look, not an invitation twistedly assumed by what we are wearing, a real, actual invitation. 

Stop blocking our way, literally and figuratively. Stop positioning yourself in our path in hallways, doorways, aisles. We get it. You are bigger, likely stronger, and can probably physically overpower us. We get it. We don't need that fact so obviously demonstrated to us. We live with that knowledge every freakin' day, everywhere we go. It's not charming, it's not cute, regardless of your intent. 

If a woman tells you she is not interested, believe her. She may try to be polite, try not to hurt your feelings, she may be afraid of retaliation, none of this means she is somehow secretly really interested and if you just push long enough she'll somehow become magically into you. Remember, she owes you nothing. Check your entitlement. 

All it boils down to is simple respect. That's it. 

As the world sits at this moment, in the year 2021 women are still being held responsible for things they shouldn't.

At work, the bar is often set higher, and unbalanced. Men are still rarely, if ever, denied promotions because they become parents or are of the age where they are likely to become parents. They are rarely asked how they are balancing work and kids. Men still make more money for doing the same job in way too many places. 

At home, women are still, far too often judged by how their home is kept in comparison to men. How clean it is, if dishes are undone if laundry is piled up. How often do you hear the judgment that a man is not very good at keeping house? Never, that's how often. Women still do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to meal planning, getting groceries, scheduling, paying bills, household chores, and in a lot of cases, parenting. Even if the men help, it's just that... help. Why is getting things done up to the women, why are we responsible? The fact that women, in this day and age, are still having to make honey-do lists so their men know what needs to be done is ridiculous. Again, I'm well aware it's not all men, but you know who you are. Learn guys, and do better.

In the world, in schools, everywhere really, females are still being held responsible for men's behavior. What we wear, if we drink, how we walk, where we walk, what time we walk, if we wear our hair in a ponytail (makes you easier to grab), how we respond or don't respond to unwanted contact, all of it supposedly has some mystical effect on men, making them lose all sense of decency, respect and relieves them of all accountability. 

Do we still live in a world where my granddaughters will need to learn all of the tools and behaviors to defend themselves against predatory men? Unfortunately, yes. Does it have to stay that way? Well, men, that's your responsibility. 

For the females. You don't have to put up with this crap. Not any more. You... we... never should have. Use your voices, use your brilliance, stake your claim in the world, take up space. Demand respect for your talent and time. You deserve everything. Never settle for someone who wants to tarnish your shine. Predatory Bullshit is just that, bullshit, and you are more than allowed to be done with. All. Of. It.

You come from warriors. You are a warrior in your own right. Lift your eyes and walk like one. 

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Until next time...

May you walk through life with purpose, with pride, knowing you are worth all things.

May you know the blood of the warriors who came before you runs through you and will allow your soul to sing. 

May you truly understand you are not less than, you are a force, you have every right to feel safe.

May you link arms with your sisters, together, our voices drown out the whimpers of outdated ways.

May the men of the world invite equality and everything it entails, for it will only make things better.

May the men teach the boys by example, to make a better world for their daughters, now and forever.

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For the story of a kick-ass warrior check out "Once Broken" Available on Kindle and Kobo.