2024... A Hopeful Year Of Healing...

                                                                     (Not sure who to credit)
 

Hi!

As 2023 becomes a memory, it's only natural to wonder what 2024 will bring. 

I consider myself a perpetually hopeful, cautiously optimistic, realist. 

What does that mean? 

Well, to me, it means that I am more than absolutely hopeful that 2024 is going to be a healing year. A year for reconnection, a year for prickly beds constructed by self-serving/self-destructive people to be filled, and understanding it will take most of the year to see it all come to fruition. 

It also means that I am cautiously optimistic that once the shit has all run downhill, the manure pile will be spread fairly amongst all who deserve a taste. 

The realist in me knows that none of it will go without a hurdle or two or twelve, getting in the way.

I'm hopeful that in 2024, the places in the world where peace feels like a fantasy, experience such an overabundance of tranquility, that it becomes so plentiful it tickles being taken for granted. 

I'm cautiously optimistic that at some point, people with a bit more foresight than a toddler will develop some modicum of understanding that the devastation driven by egos stoked by greed always far outweighs the imaginary benefits of these conflicts. 

Realistically, I know that ego and greed aren't going anywhere. Along with the power that usually goes with it, you have the oppression trifecta that fuels the neverending "I'm better than you," Olympics. 

I'm hopeful that, as humans, we get better at acceptance. Not tolerance. Acceptance. I'm hopeful that those who struggle with understanding that every human deserves the same rights they do, become more open, more compassionate, more empathetic, more willing to change their perceptions. 

I'm cautiously optimistic that this will happen. The newer generations have had fewer teachers of poisonous content, so that, in and of itself breeds more open-mindedness. The progress is slow, and not without backslides, but it is progress. 

Realistically, I don't know if I will live to see the day when people will stop marginalizing others. Maybe my grandbabies will. Hell, I hope they are a big part of making it happen. 

So, as we step into the new year, let's all just try to be better. 

When you know better, you are, as a decent human, obligated to do better.

Using willful ignorance as an excuse for bigotry and prejudice is ridiculous. 

Holding on to antiquated ignorance as an excuse not to change or grow is sad. It shrouds you in a life of black and white.

Besides, you're missing out on all the joy, all the brilliance, all the flavour that comes with embracing the rainbow. 

So here's to 2024! A healing year, full of hope, accountability, peace, and acceptance.

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May you bring in the new year with a glass of something bubbly and a kiss.

May you embrace each new day with gusto, with hope, with joy, you deserve all of this.

May the new year be kind to you, allowing you to heal from any hardships, any loss.

May you remind yourself daily, that you are the star of your own movie, not the side-kick, the boss.

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It's The Little Things...

 

                                           

Hi!

Well, we are smack in the middle of the holiday season! Depending on what and how you celebrate, you either are winding down, just getting started, or somewhere in between!

So, here's to whatever stage of whichever holidays you celebrate!

With all of the hoopla, all of the advertising dollars spent to compete for however much you are willing to part with, with all of the photos and videos making their rounds on social media showing nothing short of showstopping lights and decor, it seems to me that the real memories have very little to do with any of those things. 

It's the little things.

A favorite homemade treat, the grand (insert game name here) tournament(s), the inside jokes and the giggles they get every single time, the simple joy of being together. Those are the lasting things that stick to the memory core.

New faces, newly-missing faces, even faces that have been gone a while, all have seats at the table. There is room for all of them. It's incredible to have the opportunity to welcome new people into your circle, some coming through romance or friendship, others, born into it.  Some of what we miss most of those no longer here have a way of showing up in the eyes, laughter, or maybe an eyebrow raise of those born into it. Those sweet reminders can bring to the surface a fresh hit of grief, but it passes, leaving behind the memories the precious reminders carry. 

I see pieces of my Dad and my sisters in my own kids, grandkids, my nieces and nephews, and their children as well. The gene pool is deep and wide and full of sarcastic wit, warmth, and quirks. They may be gone, but the ripples of who they were remain. 

So, if you are struggling to keep up with the Jones's, if you weren't able to buy all the things, if your home isn't "perfect," it simply doesn't matter. If you fill it with laughter, love, and precious memories, you've won. 

Memories are not built from "things." Things become an anecdote, a trigger that sparks a memory. The best road trips are never about the car. 

Well folks, tomorrow I have the privilege of having all of those I hold closest to my heart under my roof. It's a single day, but I'll gladly take it. There will be way too much food, laughter, of which there can never be too much, and enough joy to fill me for a good long while.

So, with a few more little things to look after, I wish you everything fabulous. 

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May wonderous eyes remind you of what is most precious. 

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Finding The Funny...

 Hi!

You know sometimes, and I do mean sometimes, in life, we get to sit pretty. We feel solid with where and who we are. Sometimes, things go smoothly, kids are good, job is good, ducks are standing at attention, perfectly in a row. 

Sadly, I don't know of many people, me included, who feel that way the majority of the time. 

Most of the time, a lot of us feel like we are hanging on by our fingernails. 

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. It's probably more like about a third of the time we feel solid, a third, hanging by our fingernails, and the final third somewhere in between. Something that remains imperative regardless of which third you're passing through, is a sense of humour. 

So, for those who are in the sitting pretty third... Congratulations on winning at life, even if it's not permanent. Soak up the easy. Bask in the glow of things going well. Glide along this smooth stretch unfettered. Dance through the melodic lilt of this "Ducks in a Row" symphony. Grab that brass ring, and hold on tight, either because, or in spite of the fact, that it has an illegible expiration date. Treasure the easy times, laughing because it's impossible not to. 

For those currently in the midst of a horrible fingernail hanging... just remember, tomorrow is another day, and if that turns out to be a shitty day too, there's the next day, and the next. Here is where I could throw a bunch of cliches at you. You know, it's always darkest before the dawn... yadda, yadda, yadda. I mean, cliches become cliches because they hold some truth, but when you are truly in the middle of a category 5 shitstorm, those heartfelt sayings can feel like the empty promises of the recently mugged Nigerian prince you met online and is in devastating need of some cash... quick! It's in these kind of times that your sense of humour can actually save you. Humour can be mined from almost any situation. It might be dark, it might be considered highly inappropriate, it might be completely shocking, but someone who is in the same storm, or one just like it, will get it. They will laugh as others clutch their pearls, and as you lock eyes, you'll know that you both will make it back to the sunlight. 

Last, but not least, for those bumping along in the middle. The ones with both good and bad coming at you in equal measure... you either have the best or worst of both worlds, depending on how you look at it. For neither the brass ring grabber nor the fingernail hanger are thee. You are existing in a world resembling a game of full-contact whack-a-mole. It's exciting, it's rewarding, it's pretty easy, until the giant gopher comes out from behind the curtain with a mallet of his own. Optimism dipped in caution is your friend. Find the funny in the light, and mine it from the shadows. 

So, here's to laughing until our stomachs hurt, locking eyes with those who share our penchant for plot twists, and finding the funny, no matter how deeply it may be buried. 

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May we all find the giggle, the laugh, the chortle, the guffaw, the titter, the snort. 

May we mine them if they're buried, for that's when they are needed the most.

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One Person's Complaint Is Another Person's Fantasy...

 

Hi!

There's something to be said for sitting in the glowing grip of cozy, watching comfort tv from your childhood. It's not fancy, it requires nothing more than a few old Christmas lights, a tv, some slippers and a favourite blanket. 

It's peaceful. It's quiet. And, it gives you a moment to think about just how lucky you are. How many of us stress about getting the 'right' gifts for people? Anxious about making sure all the favourite treats are plentiful and baked just so, for family and friends when they come to visit? How many of us are fretting about what to wear to all the different, glittery functions we get to attend? 

The truth is, we probably do it way too much. Of course, we want our celebrations to be magical, to be fun, to be sweet. We want to create a space where precious memories can be indelibly etched on the hearts of those we care for most. And, we should!

We have finite trips around the sun, limited holidays to make the most of, so it stands to reason that we care as much as we do. This will be my 58th Christmas on this earth. If I'm very lucky, maybe I'll get to embrace about 30 more. I refuse to waste any of them. 

Though, for way too many, what gift to give isn't a problem, but a fantasy. There are way too many without four walls, a roof, heat, and the security of a next meal. They don't have the capacity, nor the privilege of worrying about which creature comfort to complain about. 

I'm not saying we need to sacrifice our celebrations out of guilt, but maybe, just maybe, we could go through a closet or two and donate that winter coat we no longer wear, or those boots, or that scarf, or those blankets that no longer live on the "favourites" pile. 

Too many of us complain about what others can only wish for.

 If you have some to spare, please give what you can. 

If you, like me, are one of the lucky ones, don't waste it. Play the board games, drink the hot chocolate, cuddle up and watch the sappy movies, eat the treats, sing the songs, laugh until it hurts. 

We are here for but a whisper in time, make the most of all of it. 

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May those who can only dream of a warm, safe place to lay their heads be granted what should be given as a basic human right. 

May those with their hands on our purse strings do what's right, what's humane, what's decent, instead of shoving those in most need simply out of sight. 

May we find a way, as others have done, to house and feed our most at risk, our most vulnerable.

May we find a way, as we do for other things, like loopholes for dollar-signed execs, those who should be culpable.

May we find room in our revelry for more than thoughts and our prayers.

May we take a moment to share a bit of our abundance, placing dreams where there once were nightmares. 

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Where The Real Magic Lives...

 

Hi!

So, the month of December is saturated in occasions and holidays of all kinds, touching a plethora of cultures and religions. 

Everyone prepares in different ways, celebrating a multitude of traditions. For some, the traditions lie in not having traditions at all, but doing something unique every time, some follow rituals that have been passed down for generations, some, fall somewhere in between. 

We tend to, I guess, fall in the in between. Some things happen the same way, year after year, while other things evolve, never repeating twice. 

However, and whatever you choose to prep for and celebrate, I hope it's everything you wish it to be.

Some will invest hundreds if not thousands of dollars in decorations, gifts and food while others will be doing mathematical gymnastics trying to create magic from pennies. 

The real magic lives beyond the dollar signs.

It's reflected in the eyes of the littles as you drive through the neighbourhoods with the "best" lights. It hangs out in the kind deeds that tend to multiply this time of year. The real magic is found in the shy little one discovering their most awesome voice and/or dance moves during their holiday concert matinee performance. We feel it every time we are able to add something a little extra to the food bank donation bin. 

The real magic is in the moments of laughter during board games, the inside jokes shared over meals, the specifically special treats that only happen at this time of year. The real magic is in sharing what we have, no matter how much or how little. It's in reaching out to those who may be struggling, and lifting them up in whatever way we can. 

It can be as simple as being patient in the checkout line, as smiling and being cordial regardless of the chaos. As simple as holding a door, buying someone a coffee, donating old winter gear to the unhoused. As simple as simply connecting. 

I think, one side-effect of the pandemic has been a lingering disconnect. We became little more than morbity statistics to each other for a while, and we are struggling a bit to get beyond that. I suppose it's normal, whatever that is. But I think that the effects of globally going through what we did will have a fingerprint on humanity for a while yet. 

There are still some who refuse to accept the reality of what happened and continues to happen. They choose to live in a cocoon of misinformation and conspiracies. Unfortunately, there is little or nothing that we can do about that. If the actual events that took place in front of the eyes of the world aren't proof enough, than nothing we can say will be. 

So let's do our best to reconnect, to be kind, to reintroduce ourselves to what humanity can be instead of what we have allowed it to become. 

We have never been perfect, but we have been better than what we are. Let's do our best to be better again. 

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May the rest of this year make your every wish come true.

May you be bathed in joy and laughter, feeling loved through and through.

May you spread any light you can muster to everyone around.

May you find magic in every sight and every sound.

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Never Mistake Kindness For Weakness...

 Hi!

Using this medium, within these ramblings, I share my perceptions. I do so without expectation.

This being my 700th entry, I have covered a pretty wide variety of topics, which, gauging from feedback over the years, has provoked an almost equal variety of emotions.

I never begin writing with an intention to anger, or offend, but sometimes it happens, and that's ok. I live in the real world where people can disagree and have vastly different opinions about everything. I don't block people unless their comments become racist, homophobic, or threatening. I generally don't respond to negativity as I find it's a complete waste of time and energy. Generally.

There have been times when my personal heartspace hasn't been strong enough to hold back completely. There have been times when the rabbit hole-dwelling willful ignorance has gotten under my skin. 

I'm human. I'm fine with them insulting me, but when their attacks go after the most vulnerable among us, I find it next to impossible to keep my mouth shut, and keyboard quiet. 

The most hateful comments come as private messages. I'm not sure if they are maybe not as proud of their points of view as they would like to espouse, or if they are simply afraid of being humiliated in public if I so choose to engage.

Either way, if they cross lines, if my patience for their various discriminations is running low, and/or if I can't squelch my spicy that day, they inevitably regret their decision to engage.

If you've been reading these ramblings for any length of time, you know that I'm an advocate for kindness, acceptance, and inclusion. But that does not mean I will blindly accept disrespect and hatred. Like I said, if I'm the target of the insults, I really don't care. I can take it, I ran out of fucks to give a long time ago. But if you come after those who are having to fight for basic equality, for space to simply peacefully exist in this world, I can't allow that to stand. In those cases, silence feels like acquiescence, like I'm okay with whatever garbage they are spewing. I can't do that. 

Never mistake kindness for weakness. 

On the flipside, I have been on the receiving end of countless messages that are inspiring, encouraging, and touch my heart to the core. It's incredibly humbling to hear from people who have found some sort of encouragement, or light to hold on to that has helped them through trying times. I feel incredibly honoured that you feel I am a safe space to share your stories. I will never promise to have all the right answers, but I will always promise to listen. 

The positivity in this world well outweighs the negative. There are so many more decent people out there than there are those who can't seem to muster what they need to be one. 

Kindness should always be our default setting... unless or until the situation requires otherwise. Choose your battles wisely and only when necessary, but when the choice becomes clear... win. 

The privilege of being 700 entries and about 13 years in with these ramblings couldn't happen without you. I would like to thank you all again for taking the time, and expending the energy it takes to read these writings each week. It blows my mind constantly to find that you come from so many different parts of the world. From Burma to Bangladesh. From Sri Lanka to Sweden. From Colombia to Cambodia. From places I need to look up, to the place I call home, and everywhere in between. Thank you all for your continued support. 

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May we all find what we need to live in peace, placing boundaries where they need to be.

May we get to a time and space where equality is complete and real for all of humanity. 

May we replace tolerance with acceptance, as tolerance carries an air of superiority, of condescension.

May we instead speak of inclusion and empathy, making kindness our first and only intention.

May we come to understand that life is not a competition, just trips around the sun we take together.

May we do our best not to create intentional regrets, as we create enough accidentally to last forever. 

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And Let The Seasonal Games Begin...

 

Hi!

Okay, it's only the middle of November and I've already seen multiple posts on social media about saying Merry Christmas, and how if you say Happy Holidays instead it is somehow insulting to those of the Christian faith. 

I mean, there are at least 11 different religious and cultural holidays between now and the end of December, so when you are greeting someone you don't know, and you have absolutely no knowledge if, or what holidays they might celebrate, isn't it simply more polite to not assume the holiday they celebrate is Christmas? 

I've never understood why people get their backs up! After all, isn't this supposed to be the season of peace and joy? That should include everybody, right, not just the people who believe in Jesus? I can't help but wonder when Christians will embrace the understanding that their beliefs don't trump everyone else's. They aren't more important, they aren't more correct, they aren't more superior, they aren't more anything. 

Just the same. That's it. 

So say Merry Christmas if you wish. Say Happy Holidays if Christmas isn't the holiday you celebrate. Say both if you want to. It really doesn't matter. Really.

The only thing that matters is to remember to be kind, be generous of spirit, be inclusive.

After all, you can't really belittle the beliefs of others and claim it's "Christmas" spirit without realizing what massive hypocrisy that represents, can you? Can you?

You can't hold Jesus up with one hand and completely obliterate his teachings with the other and have that make sense, right?

I just kind of feel it defeats the whole concept of Christmas to get so bitter about it that you find the need to create some imaginary war. 

Can we all agree that the world has enough war, enough hate, enough bitterness? Why make up things to add to the foray? 

Let's quit pretending that the "war on Christmas" is real. Okay? Can we do that? Let's just wish each other well, using whatever words make you comfortable, and call it a day. 

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May we all come to understand that this nonsense war of phrase serves absolutely no purpose.

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Another Gentle Good-Bye...

 

Hi!

When you come from a family the size of mine, it's the source of a lot of joyful occasions. There are tons of baby announcements, weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries, not to mention all of the other milestones along the way. We have reunions,  graduations, achievements in sports, academics, and the arts. We are an eclectic group, so there is an incredible variety of things to celebrate. 

Unfortunately, the flip side of the joy is the fact that we are forced to say goodbye to parts of our hearts more frequently than most families. This week we lost another special Auntie.

This is Auntie Josine. A daughter, wife, mother, auntie, nurse, yoga master, and all-around resourceful,  smart, beautiful lady. This particular aunt lived pretty far away, so I wasn't able to spend the kind of time with her that it takes to forge a close relationship, but this is what I've come to understand. 

Born in 1938, the fourth in a line that would become 14, her childhood, like a lot of kids in rural Saskatchewan at that time, was filled with too much responsibility, and hard work, mixed with a healthy dose of mischief and laughter. 

This incredibly strong woman survived cancer once, only to have it take her from us in the end. She will be greatly missed by many. 

Life comes with no guarantees. We tend to put things off, the important conversations, the visits, simply spending time. 

We tend to do this for a variety of reasons. We are busy. We're not sure how to approach a particular conversation. We have unhealed wounds we aren't prepared to address. We're holding a grudge.

Whatever the reason, we need to learn that it's worth it. Even if whatever it is doesn't end in rainbows and sunshine, it can provide resolution... closure.

So have the conversation, make the trip for the visit, make use of that phone in your hand. Time is not ours to keep. 

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May your soul take flight, soon to be reunited with those you've missed most.

May you understand that you've left behind the best of you, holding your memory close. 

May all who need to learn to walk this world without you, find comfort, for your pain is now gone.

May they find a way to once again revel in sunsets, knowing the darkness will give way to the dawn. 

May you find peace, and rest, for you deserve a gentle sleep.

May we find peace, and once again find joy, but for now, we'll sadly, gently weep. 

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In Remembrance...

 Hi!

This weekend, in Canada, we take a beat to honour those who have sacrificed to afford us the fabulous freedoms we have. 

Freedom, as we know, is never free. It requires our armed forces' generosity of spirit, skill, and willingness to put themselves in harm's way. It requires their families and friends to give up time with those they love. It depends on those who put at risk their bodies, mental health, and souls. 

Our freedoms were, and continue to be, hard fought for. They are not something we should ever take for granted. You needn't look far to see that there are those, often under the guise of religion, or conservatism, who are trying to pull back certain freedoms. We have those who have consumed the Kool-Aid about stripping back the rights of women to determine what happens to their own bodies. There are those who are actively trying to re-entangle church and state, forgetting completely that freedom of religion, means just that. It means that any person can choose to worship in whatever capacity they see fit, or not at all, if that's what they so choose. The point is the government has no business dictating law based on any kind of religious doctrine. None. 

To do so is an insult to those who have fought to secure these freedoms. 

Some are trying to claw back LBGTQ+ rights. Trying to cause fear so it can feed division. I mean it doesn't take much to look up stats. More people should. Statistically, your child is much safer hanging out with drag queens than they are with men of the clergy. Facts. Here's one more. The likelihood of a trans person being attacked in a bathroom is a ton higher than the likelihood of them being the actual attacker. 

The queer community represents a very small percentage of our population as a whole, yet represents the highest percentage of people getting attacked. 

The world gets in trouble when entire swaths of society are pushed to fear and hate another. 

It's the foundation of all prejudice. Use fear to create hate, then throw it at a slice of humanity that is already vulnerable. Then comes the arrogance of believing in some type of superiority over said groups. This superiority delusion is usually propped up by false beliefs of moral, cultural, religious, classist, racist bull crap that have no basis in fact to exist. 

I wish those who believe any one human can be more valuable than another could bring themselves to understand...

Morality has nothing to do with religion.

Cultural diversity is incredibly fantastic.

Equity in rights takes nothing from those who already enjoy them.

How someone wants to dress, present themselves to the world, what they like to do for fun, who they marry, if they become parents, how they like to be addressed.... makes no difference in your life... just say a cheers to the joy and move on. It's none of your business. 

So, to those who have, and continue to sacrifice for our freedoms... thank you. A phrase over-used, yet small, piddly, really, as it isn't big enough to carry the gratitude you deserve. 

The best way I can think of to show proper gratitude is to celebrate those freedoms in the best possible way. Sharing them with every human. Period.

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May we all celebrate the freedoms we enjoy, and share them with all of humanity.

May we bring to an end the fear and crazy hatred, and instead strive toward love and sanity. 

 

The Warrior, The Hero, And The Hypocrite...

 

Hi!

What defines a warrior? What makes a hero a hero? What constitutes a hypocrite?

From what I can glean from the experiences I've lived through both alone and with others, here it goes.

 Just please know that I never expect everyone to agree with my take on things, nor do I believe in any way that I have all the answers. The most I ever hope for is that maybe one person can relate, maybe someone who might be struggling to fight their way out of the shadows will find something in these ramblings to hold on to until the light finds them once again. 

To me, a warrior finds a way to put one foot in front of the other, no matter what life throws at them. Does that mean they march through without damage, without tears, without scars, without pain, without rest? No. It simply means they don't stay down when knocked to the ground. They may lay there for a while, catch their breath, get help to get back on their feet, but they don't stay down. 

A warrior has strength that runs so deep, it can go undetected until it's needed. When you think you have nothing left, when it feels like you're on the receiving end of an emotionally fatal blow, when your soul feels shattered, and everything seems dark, it shows you who you are. In these moments a warrior's strength will surge to the surface, ready to be tapped into. Ready to help put that one foot in front of the other. 

A warrior knows when to rest, when to ask for help, knowing these are anything but signs of weakness.  None of us are an island. None of us were meant to face life alone. A warrior will let people in, have the courage to be vulnerable, know how to be a friend, and receive friendship. 

A hero saves. A hero knows when to help, and when to stand by. A hero needs no accolades. A hero helps because it's the right thing, even when it's hard. Heroes don't create chaos, they don't escalate, They anticipate need and fulfill it. It's not all pulling people out of burning buildings, or saving damsels in distress. Mostly, it's noticing when someone is struggling, and offering a hand up. Mostly, it's expressing compassion when and where it's needed regardless of social fashionability. 

Heroes save their applause for those they help to thrive. 

So, last but not least... hypoctrites.

Or, may they are least.

To me, a hypocrite is someone who loves to be congratulated for their fundraising efforts for charity, but shows no charity in their daily lives. 

To me, a hypocrite is someone who professes to protect children, but then, can't even be bothered to ensure they all get to eat every single day, their most basic need.  The ones who profess protection the loudest don't seem to have the slightest clue what children need protection from. 

They think drag queens in colourful, cheerful costumes reading children's stories to kids is something they need protection from.

Yet, they don't think our kids need protection from guns.

They think that queer children should be outed without their consent... for their 'protection.' It's absolutely dangerous, cruel, and stomps all over their rights to privacy. All this protects is their phobic ideology, making it easier to spread the hate and fear they like to vomit all over everyone.

To me, a hypocrite is someone who spouses anti-abortion garbage, but has no interest in helping support the children they are forcing people to birth. 

To me, a hypocrite is someone who weaponizes religion to wield hate of every colour under the rainbow. 

I think there is a bit of each in all of us... feed the ones you wish to grow. 

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May we all feed our warrior, nurture our hero, and starve our hypocrite. 

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Happy Halloween!!!!!!

 

Hi! 

Happy Halloween!

So, for those of us who really enjoy Halloween, it's an excuse to let our inner little kid play dress-up and have a blast.

For those who don't, I get it. You hate fun. 

Okay, before the trolls come at me full force with your completely legit reasons you don't celebrate, relax.... I'm kidding.

If Halloween isn't for you, that's absolutely fine. Simply don't participate.

All I suggest is, if you are one of the people that doesn't enjoy, please don't try to suck the fun out of it for the rest of us.

If you choose not to pass out candy, that's your choice. But, if you do decide to hand out candy, please don't complain about it. Don't complain that the kids aren't as enthusiastic as you think they should be. Don't complain that some didn't say "trick or treat." Don't complain that there are 'big' kids coming around.

Not every child is great with speaking up to strangers. You have no idea what the rest of their day looked like. 'Big' kids are still kids. This is a fun way for them to spend an evening, where they can do things they enjoyed as a little kid without threat of being deemed 'uncool', as long as you don't act too excited. Some "big" kids are differently abled, and may not be incredibly verbal, and although they want to do this, it may not be easy for them. 

I guess it boils down to this. 

If you choose to participate, do it without conditions. If they are willing to put in the effort, just hand over the candy... with a smile... with enthusiasm... make their interaction with you the best one they have all night. 

This, after all, is supposed to be fun.

So, get dressed up.... or not.

Decorate with your most ghoulish touch... or not.

Hand out candy... or not.

If you do, go all in... it makes it that much more fun.

If you don't, although I don't know why anyone passes up on such a good time, you do you! It's all good!

Now, I gotta run, I have some last-minute adjustments to make on one of my costumes.... yeah you heard me... ONE of my costumes! 

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May the costumed candy crusaders that come to your door fill you with that warm feeling you get from adding joy to a child's bucket. 

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How Easy It Is To Create A Rabbit Hole...

 

Hi!

I'm sure I'm far from the only one in this.

I'm struggling.

There are people I know well and love dearly who have fallen into such a deep rabbit hole of conspiracy nonsense that I'm genuinely worried for them.

At first, it was kind of at least, humourous. I kind of thought, or maybe it was just wishful thinking, that this one person in particular, was just kind of doing it to be the "anti" person. You know, kind of just being contrary, as that's how they are wired. 

I've avoided certain topics of conversation for that reason. I didn't want to get sucked into the ridiculous debate of fact versus fiction. It's so frustrating because in conspiracy land, facts are, at best, moving targets, and at their worst, they are nothing but vapour.

Anything that doesn't fit into the ever-changing narrative is perceived as part of the conspiracy. So actual facts, historic, contemporary, plain as the nose on your face kind of facts simply don't exist for them. 

Part of this particular one is that the ultra-rich people are trying to off the rest of us to start over. When pressed to explain, the answers get very thin, grounded in nothing. I couldn't get a straight answer as to the reasons why, or how it makes any sense. 

To believe this stuff with so much conviction, you have to fully commit to some incredible serendipity, magical coincidences, and a lot of complete, worldwide cooperation. I mean, I'm not sure how rich you have to be to be in this exclusive group. I don't know what the qualifications are. Is being rich enough? Do you need other skills? 

If you off all the people that toil to make you money, you'll eventually run out of money. Part of the theory is that AI will take over all the labour on the planet. It will eliminate the need for mere humans. I know AI is getting pretty sophisticated and all, but we are a long way from humans not needing to do any of the work necessary to have our planet function. 

From what I've observed, ultra-rich people don't tend to agree on much of anything, in fact they spend most of their time competing in imaginary toy accumulation competitions. It's hard to picture them coming to a consensus on where to even conduct these let's control the world meetings, let alone what the agenda would look like. 

Hell, if this level of cooperation was achievable, most, if not all of the world's problems would be solved!  

Is there evil in the world? Of course, there is, we see factual proof of it every day in school shootings, hate crimes, suppression of cultures, violent attacks, how we treat the most vulnerable of us... the list is endless, sadly.

But.....

Is there good in the world? Absolutely!!! We see factual proof of that too, in our everyday lives! The sad thing is, that kindness, compassion, and generosity rarely make the headlines, they are usually the feel-good anecdote at the end of a news program, usually about once a week. 

So how do you help someone who has devoted themselves to living fully down a rabbit hole?

Solutions to this seem to differ depending on the type of conspiracy, and depth of the hole itself, how the person involved is wired, and if they are willing, even in the most minute way, to climb out. 

To believe all of this nonsense, some fundamental things have to be going on under the surface. Looking for a way to make sense, to have some sense of control over things you don't fully understand, you latch on to things that provide simplified answers. 

If there isn't an actual boogeyman, make one up and blame him for all the chaos. Then make your "facts" fit the story. Then, put it all out there in such a way that vulnerable people who maybe have issues with impulse control, are a bit contrary, maybe had dipped their toes in other conspiracies like flat earthers, moon landing disbelievers, and 9/11 tall talers, will slip into the depths. 

I've been sent links to videos and articles, and have earnestly checked them out. When you spend a bit of time doing so, it generally doesn't take very long at all to find out the history of some of these 'experts.' Sometimes it can be as simple as taking a screenshot, zooming in, and researching the certificates so proudly displayed in the background. On one of them, that's literally all it took. 

With others, it can take more digging and more time. I've even found myself rooting for some tidbit of factual truth. But, inevitably,100% of the time, the trail leads to fiction. 

As a writer I can almost respect the dedication to the story, or stories, depending. But fiction is fiction. Just because you can make people believe it, doesn't make it true. You have to follow it all to its end to find out. 

Some of these conspiracies have been around for a long time, like the one my loved one believes so desperately. It actually started in 1966, and facts have been contorted to fit the narrative through multiple generations. None of what they claim has come to fruition, but that doesn't seem to matter.

Twisting current events to fit this nonsense like the tragedy that is going on in Israel right now is apparently a thing. The fact that conflict in that region is centuries old, you know, a fact, doesn't seem to factor in... go figure. 

I give you "The War of The Worlds" The 1938 Orson Welles narrated adaptation of the H.G. Welles novel. Innocently read for purposes no other than pure entertainment, resulted in causing panic in the eastern United States because those people mistakenly thought it was an actual news broadcast. 

And that, my friends, is how easy it is to create a rabbit hole.

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May you find your way back to what's real, what's true.

May you see the world as the imperfect beautiful place it is.

May you discover the joy that can be had when you let go of the dark.

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It's So Easy To Feel Helpless...

 

Hi!

I won't pretend to understand the complicated, deep history of the Middle East. There is so much more to all of it than what is presented to us in the news. 

But I do know what hate looks like. Hate is visceral, hate is pungent, hate is simple and manifests through cruelty to the nth degree. 

As long as the evil-doers of the world have cheerleaders with money, who clutch their pearls at the sight of blood, but are more than happy to spill it for profit, there is no incentive to stop. Evil will continue to do as evil does, without restraint.

The antidote to evil is not revenge. It's compassion.

The counter to the screams of hatred is the playing of joyful music, accompanied by lyrics filled with love.

I am not naive enough to think it's that simple. That singing rousing choruses of kumbaya will heal all things.

All I know, is it can't hurt.

Maybe if those, whose only goal in life is to dominate and inflict pain, figure out that those they doing their best to destroy have unwavering support and compassion from the entirety of the rest of us, they won't have a choice but to crawl back into the putrid hole from which they came. 

Underneath the guns, there lives nothing but a bully. Which is what dictators and their want-to-be counterparts are. For a bully to back down, they have to gain a true understanding that they have no path to victory. They need to be overwhelmed by the support their victims receive. 

It's a tale as old as time. The bully CAN NOT become victorious. 

The only way they win is if we quit, become weary of the fight, or decide we simply no longer care. 

It's so easy to feel helpless. But we're not.

Social media has made the world a virtually small space. We can show support, throwing our voices behind those who have the actual power to do tangible things. 

Good people, when we collectively do good things, can move mountains, hell, entire mountain ranges, if that's what's needed. 

Centuries of pain are not healed overnight, but for the healing to begin, the infliction of the pain must stop. 

My heart breaks for the senselessness of it all. 

The insatiable appetite for power, driven by greed, and delusional assumptions of superiority, willing to filter the blood of children through the gloves of their henchmen to fill their golden chalises. 

Dictators are the antithesis of freedom. There is no upside. How they are able to get some to do their bidding will forever baffle me.  It's so twisted. 

Anywhere there are efforts to restrict voting, put shackles on an unbiased education,  ban books, interfere with bodily autonomy, or marginalize already marginalized swaths of humanity, lives a very real danger to democracy. 

They fearmonger, telling us scary stories of "others". 

They want us to be afraid of immigrants.

They want us afraid of the LGBTQ+ community.

They want us afraid of anyone who doesn't look like us.

They want us afraid of those who worship differently, or choose not to worship at all.

They make things up, then want us to fear "others" like proverbial boogeymen. I mean there are still people out there who think antifa is an actual thing! It's short for anti-fascism. That's it. 

They want us afraid of each other. I mean, they have a lot of not-so-critical thinkers twisted in knots, jumping out of their skin at non-existent shadows. Scared people comply. Any of us who grew up with corporal punishment understand this all too well. 

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May we all reject the fear, and build trust in its stead.

Graditude....

 

Hi!

As far as the world goes, precious few countries celebrate a holiday called Thanksgiving.

As a kid, all it meant was turkey, company for supper and a vague story about how the holiday came to be. 

As an adult, I've come to understand the reason for keeping it vague. What really was happening when the original feast took place isn't pretty, not something that those of a tender age should have to try to wrap their heads around. 

We whitewash what our ancestral colonizers did with platitudes of gratitude. Under this guise, we rewrite the facts to better soothe our egos. God forbid we should take the time to understand the truth,  accept the reality, learn from it, and strive to do better.

Some argue that scraping the sugarcoating off of history only serves the purpose of making white people feel bad. That's nonsense. 

All the truth can do is teach empathy, create understanding, and help take steps toward healing. If we can embrace truth without blinders, maybe, just maybe, we can begin to create new systems. Ones that carry actual equality. Ones that take care of our most vulnerable citizens. 

We should be thankful. We should be thankful that those who were here when we got here were peaceful and generous. They shared what they had and taught us what we needed to know to survive within this challenging landscape.

They had the option of treating us the way we treated them. But, they didn't. 

So, as I sit here today, I am so very grateful. 

I live in a fabulous country that has come far, but still has a long way to go.

I have four walls, a roof, heat, clean water, a bed, a pillow, and I get to eat every single day.

I have access to medical care that will take care of me no matter my financial situation. 

I have the freedom to love who I love, raise our kids as we see fit, and encourage our grandkids to be exactly who they are.

I am grateful that at 57, I can still call my mom and have a laugh. 

I am able to write on this platform with little restriction. Yes, trolls will troll, but, mostly, the feedback is positive, touching my heart with personal stories and conversations that I treasure.

I am extremely grateful for all of you who take precious time out of your lives to read these ramblings. When I see readers from Singapore to Sweden, from Ecuador to Ireland, and everywhere in between, it continues to thrill and perplex me to no end. 

Are there things that we still need to fight for? Absolutely.

Yes, homelessness should be illegal... it should be illegal for a country as rich as ours to allow it to happen. 

Should more things be covered by our universal health care. Absolutely. Ambulances, therapists, all dentistry, eye care, and prescriptions, just to name a few, should all be covered for all ages. There is no reason why it can't. Other countries have figured it out. We're smart, we can make it happen here too. 

Should there EVER be a circumstance, in a country such as ours, where someone should have to raise money to cover the cost of someone's death? THAT should NOT be a thing. 

Yes, there are lots of things we could be doing better. Likely, there always should be, as Utopia is still simply a fantastical place. 

We can make things better. We just have to want to bad enough to sacrifice the avoidance of hard conversations to make it happen. 

We just have to want to.

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May you find yourself among those who make your soul sing.

May you soak in the laughter, creating memories, giving your happiness wings. 

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The Dark And The Light...

 

Hi!

There are so many platitudes and cliches about light and dark. Practical, existential, figurative, and literal. 

There are poems, plays, movies, and books that have this very concept as a central theme. Through the ages, this particular well of inspiration has been tapped countless times. Everyone from Shakespeare to Tarantino has drawn from it.

Why? One reason, I think, is as a simple reminder.

A reminder that no matter what you are going through, everything is temporary. A reminder that life is a series of ebbs and flows, and that is one of the rare constants in life. A reminder that we all have sunshine and storms. A reminder that although we all weather storms, our shelters vary greatly. 

Some sit in brick and mortar, solid, unyielding, basking in the benefit of generations of upkeep and care. They walk with a confidence they don't even know was a gift from where their family tree took root. 

Others scramble into doorways, do their best to shield themselves in unanchored, leaky tents, the product of damaged and traumatized generations made unable to lay the simplest of foundations, leaving those who need it most, vulnerable to every element. 

As I write this, on this 30th day of September, it is, in Canada, our National Day for Truth and Reconciliation. 

Every Indigenous person in our Country is either a residential school survivor, the child of a survivor, or the grandchild of one. This remains, in my mind, the most shameful part of our history as a nation. The incredible cruelty, the abuse, the murder, the evil that drove the whole concept, all of it.

I wish I could sit here and say that yes, it was horrible, but it's all better now. I wish I could, but that's not even remotely close to the truth. Our systems, our governments, are still slanted to heavily favour nonindigenous peoples. If you look at the way our education systems, our judicial systems, our welfare, our foster care, all the systems, if not completely broken are twisted, stretched and distorted to the point that they don't come close to providing the safety nets they were designed for. 

Their designs, from the beginning, were put in place to control, contain, and make sure colonists could monitor, and maintain authority over a people who didn't ask for it, need it, or want anything to do with it. 

The narrative has been rewritten over the generations, trying desperately to make it seem like charitable kindness, like, somehow indigenous people in our country get a free ride, when we all know the truth is that we are just trying to ease our own guilt, putting bandaids on the bullet holes we inflicted. 

We need to do better. We need to rethink, revamp, and restructure our systems so that they can work for everyone. We need all people to be at the table where decisions are made with equal representation. 

This is our Country, Canada. This is our mess. We made it. 

We not only showed up uninvited and claimed land that was not ours even a little bit,we then decided that taking land wasn't enough, no, we then felt compelledto force the people we pushed from their homes into permanent interment camps we so fondly named "reservations", like they should be honoured, in some twisted way. Then that wasn't enough either, we had to rip their kids from their arms in the name of the Church and government, saving children that only needed saving from us. They were fine before we came along.

Before we got here, they were fine. They had struggles, of course, but every tribe had their own way of thriving. They had been doing it for centuries without any interference from us. But somehow, we, wearing our superiority complex like a badge of honour, thought we knew better, that we were better... yeah, that was a load of crap.

So, that was truth, but what does reconciliation even look like?

rec·on·cil·i·a·tion

/ˌrekənˌsilēˈāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. 1.

   the restoration of friendly relations.
2. 
   
3. 
   

That's the official definition.

1. 
   

You can't unring a bell, especially one dripping, drenched in blood and trauma

Where do we even begin to repair all of the damage we have done? 

We have proven ourselves over and over again to be completely untrustworthy. We have renigged on virtually every "deal" we've ever made. 

How do you rebuild a foundation from the bloody bones of stolen children?

Trust. Through consistent actions that prove we are worthy of that trust. Not words. Actions.

I think it's the only way, and it's going to take at least as long as it took to do the damage. People don't just "get over" generational, horrific trauma. They can't, they shouldn't. We should be held accountable for all of it. It's up to us to prove ourselves. 

Everyone needs to be at the table.

The thing is, it's their table, we took it, burned it, built another from their bones, and now want to make them beg for a seat. 

The dark and the light. Without the dark, the light seems not to shine as brightly.

With a lot of work, and I do mean a LOT, maybe, just maybe, we can all walk side by side in the sun, leaving shadows of the past in the distance. 

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May we all recognize how we came to be here.

Fifty Shades Of... What?

 Hi!

As an interested observer of human nature, what makes people tick fascinates me. Not just what people do, but why do they do it?

For example, how can people who grew up in the same household, born within a few short years of each other, with the same parents, with a consistent value/belief system, end up viewing the world in such incredibly different ways?

Does the way we are parented have less impact than we think? I mean, you hear it all the time about "how people are raised", "who raised you?", "I didn't raise you to act that way!"

Is who we eventually become influenced more by what happens after we leave the nest? The life experiences we choose, fall into, happen beyond our control. Do these things leave a deeper mark on who we become than how we were disciplined, if or where we worshipped, what kind of school we went to, where we lived, how poor we were, etc?

How heavily does the way we leave the nest impact what follows? Not all virgin flights are amiable. Not even close.

It's interesting.

Personally, I grew up in a household where things were pretty black and white. Things were either good or bad. Right or wrong. There was precious little space for any grey.

So? Fifty shades of... what?

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that not only were there a millions shades of grey, but also of red, green, purple, blue, orange and every other colour of the rainbow. 

Imagine my delight in finding out that not everything I had been led to believe was fact. 

Things like the fact that morality and religion actually have very little to do with each other. That good people come in all shapes, sizes, colours, genders and orientations. That horrible people can be charming and pretty, and come from "good" families. That those who revel in wielding the proverbial gavel are usually the least qualified to do so. 

Things, like there are people who soak in ignorance on purpose because they are driven by fear. They find it easier to hate than learn. They seem proud of their lack of empathy and compassion for anyone who lives outside of their neat little black-and-white boxes. 

So, what makes us... us? 

We are the sum of our experiences, good and bad. Trauma and triumph. Hurts heal, but scars tend to linger. It's how we manage those scars that either builds our character, or grinds and distorts it into something we don't like to see reflected in the mirror. 

The older I have had the privilege of becoming, the more clear the picture. 

Gavel wielders are going to wield the gavels no matter what you do, so do you. 

The only opinion of you that truly matters is your own, but you need to be objective. Step back, take stock, doing an autopsy of how you choose to walk the earth, your expectations of yourself, and how you treat others. Study yourself and make adjustments where needed. Accept that you are flawed, but that's not all of who you are. Perfection is fiction. The goal is to simply be better than we were yesterday. 

Kindness is everything.

Tolerance and acceptance are not the same thing.

If you are obsessed with your religion, carrying even only a slight feeling of superiority because of it, you're absolutely missing the point. 

Forgiveness isn't for those who have hurt you, it's freedom you give to yourself. The weight of past transgressions will only hold you back.

Life is hard enough without adding to it on purpose.

Joy is NOT a privilege. Seek it, create it, bathe in it, embrace it, spread it. 

What makes us...us? We are fifty million shades of a trillion hues of every colour seen by the naked eye. 

We carry with us pieces of our upbringing, we add experiences, we grow, we change, we adapt. We walk the earth on a path that's uniquely ours, each at our own pace, chasing the odd butterfly, surviving some storms, finding shelter in the arms of those who care. 

Ultimately, we are whoever we choose to be. Choose well.

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May we allow ourselves to absorb joy. That's its purpose. 

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