Fifty Shades Of... What?

 Hi!

As an interested observer of human nature, what makes people tick fascinates me. Not just what people do, but why do they do it?

For example, how can people who grew up in the same household, born within a few short years of each other, with the same parents, with a consistent value/belief system, end up viewing the world in such incredibly different ways?

Does the way we are parented have less impact than we think? I mean, you hear it all the time about "how people are raised", "who raised you?", "I didn't raise you to act that way!"

Is who we eventually become influenced more by what happens after we leave the nest? The life experiences we choose, fall into, happen beyond our control. Do these things leave a deeper mark on who we become than how we were disciplined, if or where we worshipped, what kind of school we went to, where we lived, how poor we were, etc?

How heavily does the way we leave the nest impact what follows? Not all virgin flights are amiable. Not even close.

It's interesting.

Personally, I grew up in a household where things were pretty black and white. Things were either good or bad. Right or wrong. There was precious little space for any grey.

So? Fifty shades of... what?

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that not only were there a millions shades of grey, but also of red, green, purple, blue, orange and every other colour of the rainbow. 

Imagine my delight in finding out that not everything I had been led to believe was fact. 

Things like the fact that morality and religion actually have very little to do with each other. That good people come in all shapes, sizes, colours, genders and orientations. That horrible people can be charming and pretty, and come from "good" families. That those who revel in wielding the proverbial gavel are usually the least qualified to do so. 

Things, like there are people who soak in ignorance on purpose because they are driven by fear. They find it easier to hate than learn. They seem proud of their lack of empathy and compassion for anyone who lives outside of their neat little black-and-white boxes. 

So, what makes us... us? 

We are the sum of our experiences, good and bad. Trauma and triumph. Hurts heal, but scars tend to linger. It's how we manage those scars that either builds our character, or grinds and distorts it into something we don't like to see reflected in the mirror. 

The older I have had the privilege of becoming, the more clear the picture. 

Gavel wielders are going to wield the gavels no matter what you do, so do you. 

The only opinion of you that truly matters is your own, but you need to be objective. Step back, take stock, doing an autopsy of how you choose to walk the earth, your expectations of yourself, and how you treat others. Study yourself and make adjustments where needed. Accept that you are flawed, but that's not all of who you are. Perfection is fiction. The goal is to simply be better than we were yesterday. 

Kindness is everything.

Tolerance and acceptance are not the same thing.

If you are obsessed with your religion, carrying even only a slight feeling of superiority because of it, you're absolutely missing the point. 

Forgiveness isn't for those who have hurt you, it's freedom you give to yourself. The weight of past transgressions will only hold you back.

Life is hard enough without adding to it on purpose.

Joy is NOT a privilege. Seek it, create it, bathe in it, embrace it, spread it. 

What makes us...us? We are fifty million shades of a trillion hues of every colour seen by the naked eye. 

We carry with us pieces of our upbringing, we add experiences, we grow, we change, we adapt. We walk the earth on a path that's uniquely ours, each at our own pace, chasing the odd butterfly, surviving some storms, finding shelter in the arms of those who care. 

Ultimately, we are whoever we choose to be. Choose well.

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May we allow ourselves to absorb joy. That's its purpose. 

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