Hi,
Today, it's with a heavy heart I write.
The world will be a bit duller now, as this bright light leaves.
She leaves behind a loving husband, kids, grandkids, siblings, sibs-in-law, and nieces and nephews who now carry the heaviness of grief.
Her smile was always genuine, her laugh, contagious, and her hugs, explicitly real.
Although I didn't see her often, especially once I left home, she had a profound impact on who I've become.
It isn't something either she nor my uncle would likely remember, as it wasn't anything that was blatantly said or done. I wish I would have thanked her in person, I hope she's hearing me now.
Thirty plus years ago, I was pregnant with our second child, my now husband and I were not yet married and scratching to keep flesh and bone together. Directly and indirectly, intentionally and unintentionally things were strained with my parents. They were hurt and disappointed in me and the choices I was making. It felt like I was looked at differently, treated differently, not cruel or obvious, just 'less than'.
During this time, through my husband's job, we were presented with the impromptu opportunity to stop in and visit this particular Auntie and Uncle. From the second we crossed the threshold, I felt it.
The utter 'sameness.' There it was, the big grin and even bigger hug.
We visited, we ate, we laughed. They had no idea, but that night, through their 'sameness.' they gave me permission to be happy, to be okay with where my life was headed and the profound understanding that none of it made me 'less than.'
Her ever-genuine smile and absolute hugs had the power to heal more than she would ever understand.
Time has healed wounds and relationships, as time tends to do, but the first steps of that healing began with a hug from you.
Thank you, Auntie Carole, for your generous heart, beautiful soul, devilish grin and your tendency toward just enough mischief to keep life interesting.
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I know your hearts are broken, shattered at the thought of containing this loss. I wish I could find the words that could magically lighten the load. Until such a time, just know, if you need, we are here. All of us. Arms open, shoulders ready.
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Until next time...
May you love each other through this murky fog of grief.
May you know we are there for whatever you need, however long, however brief.
May you take the time you need to cry, to swear, to rail against the utterly unfair.
May you understand there are no rules for grieving, no timekeeper, just take care.
May you, on the other side of this, find a way for the healing to begin.
May you do so in loving memory of this Angel with the devilish grin.
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