Hi!
Before I even start, I think I need to reiterate the fact that I am not a doctor, or therapist, or have any letters at all that follow my name.
All I have is life experience and a keen sense of observation. I can't count how many times, throughout my life, I've been told "You don't miss much do you?" That, my friends is not a flex or a brag, it's not always an advantage, but it is what it is.
So, knowing this, and, as always, please accept or reject the following as you see fit.
Some recent conversations with various people that come from very different walks of life, are in different age groups, and different cultures, have led me to believe that there are still way too many people out there allowing fear to make their decisions, or at least, some of them.
It's being given the power to rob people of joy, adventure, new foods, new experiences, all kinds of fabulous things. Some have come to the sad conclusion that if something makes you feel at all uncomfortable, nervous, or anxious in any way that you shouldn't do it.
Think about that.
If humankind had never pushed beyond discomfort we wouldn't have cures for pretty much anything, we wouldn't have electricity, cars, planes, or any part of the small understanding we currently have of the universe.
Everything worth achieving, creating, discovering, is forged in discomfort.
Anything you have done in your life that helped you grow as a person, helped you achieve professionally, academically, helped you discover what lights you up, any of it, all of it, couldn't have happened if you had simply quit when you ran into discomfort.
Discomfort is the word we use when fear makes us feel weak. Fear breeds discomfort, nervousness, and anxiety. I think this simply give names to the different levels of fear.
Don't get me wrong, fear isn't always bad.
To me, there are two kinds of fear.
Good fear: This, and again, this is only my take on it, is what can keep us out of dangerous situations. It's rational, and driven by our unconscious survival instincts. It's reflexive, it keeps us safe.
Through life, childhood trauma, negative experiences, bad relationships, we get bumped around. We get hurt, we have scars put upon us. Over time, that trauma, those scars, begin to skew the lens we look through. Not always a lot, but it's there.
This skewed view can also be hereditary, if we aren't careful. We need to be careful.
Good fear, that natural instinct that tries to keep us out of harm's way, can become twisted, distorted, causing more harm than benefit. It can, if we let it, keep us from discovering joy.
If left unchecked, the slight discomfort becomes tough to take and graduates into nervousness, which can take us to crippling anxiety. Anxiety is what discomfort becomes if you feed it well, and give it wings.
So, good fear. It's rational, it's reflexive, it keeps us safe. Unchecked it becomes bad fear.
Bad fear:
This is the fear that keeps us trapped in the prison of our comfort zones. It prevents us from living our lives filled to the brim with the joy of what truly lights us up.
Bad fear serves no good purpose. It twists our "why nots" into "what ifs."
The 'what ifs':
What if they don't like me?
What if I don't get into that school?
What if I screw up the interview?
What if I don't get the response I'm looking for?
What if they reject me?
What if I don't make the team?
Then these turn into rearview mirror what ifs.
What if I had? What if it would have worked? What it they had said yes?
Joy-sucking poison.
Soooo.... Why not?
Why not will serve you much better than the what ifs.
Why not try? Play that what if game through to the end. Unless it leads to absolute, complete and certain devastation, then, again.... why not?
I truly believe that at the end of our lives we will absolutely regret all the things we didn't do, much more than the things we did.
Not everything we do will turn to gold. But, let's be honest, those are the lessons that make the best stories.
When you find yourself hesitating in making a decision, big or small, before you walk away, ask yourself which kind of fear is driving that decision. Do yourself the favour of telling yourself the actual truth.
So do the things. Sing in front of a crowd, try out for that team, apply for that job, apply to that school, write the book, audition for the part, ride the bike, bake the cake...
Do the things that will break you out of prison. Why not?
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May you break the barbed ribbons that tether you to your fear,
May your scars heal at least enough to allow you to let go.
May your vision, as you begin to embrace your new freedom, become completely bright and very clear.
May you, as you discover, help keep the tethers away from the littles that emulate you as you go.
Why not?
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