It's Complicated... But Simple... Really

 Hi,

Women's bodies and who has the authority to dictate what is and is not allowed to take place within them somehow always seems to become part of the political fabric. 

Why? I have no idea where it began, but I can tell you without any hesitation that the trajectory it is on is nothing short of terrifying. 

Somewhere along the timeline the distortion of power, the hunger for it, and because they could physically do so, the males of our species began to revel in that power, and deciding that they couldn't take the chance of losing it, began to chip away at the power of women.

They designated themselves our protectors. But, what are you supposedly protecting us from? The truth is.... other men. 

They label us as too emotional, too needy, too soft, lacking reason. If those don't fit, we get bossy, conceited, cold, stuck-up, and bitchy. 

They want to be the ones who give us permission.

We needed their permission to vote.

We needed their permission to own property.

We needed their permission to get a credit card in our own name.

We needed their permission to enter the workforce.

We needed their permission to take charge of our own bodies.

Now there is a resurgence and appetite to strip us of these hard-earned rights. Why?

It's complicated... but simple... really.

They are threatened by the groundswell of support women are giving each other. We are finding our feet, and with each generation, our young women are stepping into an independence never known before. They are discovering, quite handily, that they don't need men. They may choose to share their lives with them, seek a partner in them, but they don't NEED them.

Although pay equity is still a far cry from actually being equal, it sits at a level where financial independence is more possible than ever before. As women chip away at the misogyny that has been ingrained in us since birth, we are becoming more supportive of each other. We no longer look at each other as competition... we are each other's support. 

In heterosexual relationships, women still carry more than our share of the mental load. Not only are we now expected to bring in a good portion of the bacon, but we are still expected to be the CEO of the household. We are the ones tracking all the things. Groceries, scheduling, social life, doctor's appointments, household chores, kids, if we have them, bills, and knowing where everything that everybody needs is at all times. Oh, and still be youthful and sexy. 

You still see it. You still hear it.

Someone sees a dad at the park, shopping (insert activity here) with the kids and he's 'such a good dad.'

The male partner 'helps' with household chores.

Mom goes out, dad is 'babysitting.'

Why is it up to the woman to always know what needs to be done? 

If we are so weak, emotional, soft, and unreasonable, how have we managed to manage all of this crap and hold down jobs, besides? 

And I haven't even touched on the emotional strength it takes to be female.

Just as we are entering the turmoil of puberty, we get hit with what has been described as our monthly visitor, our rag, our curse, visit from aunt fanny, a ride on the cotton pony, crime scene down under, you know... our period. Some have horrible cramps every single time, some live on the edge of hemorrhaging every time, some pass out, some become iron deficient, a lucky few, barely notice them.

And that's just the bleeding.

So many suffer with different severities of PMS, ranging from mildly emotional to barely contained rage.

Then, after all of this bullshit, we have to deal with menopause and the hellish nightmare fuel that brings, but that's for another day...

But, we carry on. We go to school, write exams, go to work, still do all the things that are expected of us, all the while being told maybe we should smile more. 

It's about this time, as puberty begins, and sickeningly, sometimes even before, that we begin to garner the attention of males. Some of that attention comes from our peers, who are also trying to get through puberty but sadly, so many are doing so under the influence of those with poison perceptions. Some of  this attention, a lot of this attention, comes from older males, some old enough to be our dads and grandpas. 

These are the men who somehow think they have a right to an opinion of us, and can't seem to suppress the urge to vocalize these opinions. They have opinions on what we are wearing, how we should respond to their unwanted attention, the expression we should show on our faces, how we should walk, where we should walk, what we should be doing, how we should be doing it, what they would like to do to us, and how we should like whatever that is. 

These are the men who think they have a right to touch us. A brush, an 'accidental' slip of the hand, blocking our movements, grabbing, groping... most of us have experienced at least this... some of us... much worse. 

Our heads can only ever be on a permanent swivel when we are in public. I can tell you, it's not other women we are watching for. 

What is complicated are the health issues that stem from the female reproductive system. More women have miscarriages that gets talked about in the open, and there are real health risks involved. Not only have you suffered the emotional anguish of it, but there is a definite danger of infection, becoming septic, if the right care isn't provided. This care is being banned in some places very close to home. There are those, where I call home, who would like to take us down that same road if given the chance. They echo the sentiments of this backward thinking.  Terrifying. 

What is complicated is the physical and mental health of rape and incest victims who are forced to carry to term a forced pregnancy and forced birth, regardless of age or circumstance. Chronic trauma can only break a soul, then wonder why she is scarred. Then wonder why she can't trust. 

But it's simple.

We are capable. We are capable of deciding what to wear, where to walk, what expression we have on our face, what we eat, what we drink, whether we want to be touched, if, when, where, and with whom we will have sex, and, if we want to give birth.

None of these decisions need permission from anyone. 

We are more than capable. We continue to prove it multiple times every single day. 

It's complicated only because men want it that way. Not all men, but they don't wear nametags, so how do we know? 

Not all men, but obviously enough of them that we are having to have this conversation.... again. 

It's simple... if we vote that way. We hold the power to make the changes we need to see. All we have to do is use it. 

Men are not required to have governmental permission for absolutely anything regarding their bodily autonomy, why should we?

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May my granddaughters live in a time where they can walk at night without fear.

May they live in a time when they are never seen as prey, only loved, held dear.

May my grandsons live in a time when there is no pressure to conquer, to hunt, to 'score.'

May they live in the understanding of real partnership, to share the mental load, be more.