Hi!
What you find when you discover an SD card from an old camera. We had one turn up at the bottom of a drawer. It had 163 photos on it. I downloaded it onto my laptop.
The pictures were from a scattered stretch of time seeming to range from about 2004 to about 2010. Taking some pics? Grab a card from the stash. I always had more than one card floating around at a time. So finding one with photos spanning 6 years really isn't all that surprising.
A digital time capsule.
The pics I chose to share here, now, though not all from the prementioned card, are ones of our third daughter. From then til now, in a blink, but also a lifetime.
There were other photos. Nieces, nephews, grandbabies, my Mom, the sisters who no longer walk the planet. There were camping trips, tournaments, family functions, and photos commemorating nothing more than being together. They are memories, all good, some, though, still scrape at the scars of grief.
As the circumstances of the world we currently live in keeps pushing us to recalibrate, as we continue to reevaluate priorities, a surprise glimpse into the past reveals much.
In those moments, those original moments, I know now, I took them for granted.
There would have been no way to fathom the twists and turns life would take.
No way to predict the challenges, the tragedies, the loss, the milestones achieved, the strides taken. As a parent, I can't help but look back and think, if I had only had a crystal ball at pivotal moments, I could have prevented so much pain for my girls. If I had known then, what I know..... well, so many things.
But, this is life.
If we had that crystal ball, if we prevented our kids from experiencing the heartaches, would we be cheating them out of who they were meant to be?
Our life experiences, both good and bad, fundamentally shape who we are. If we are open, and very lucky, they continue to do so until our souls take flight.
In those moments, I know now, I took them for granted.
You get so caught up in doing what you have to do to make life work, it's easy to lose sight of what really makes life work.
I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to be more present. I'm trying to give myself permission to be still more. I'm trying to be in each moment more fully, allowing those moments to soak in.
One minute, your baby is just that, the next, she's 31, with three kidlets of her own.
In those moments, I know now, I took them for granted.
My big sisters.
The begrudged sharing of space, and other things. The teaching of lessons, no matter how accidental. The late-night heart-to-hearts that bared our souls. The protection given, although, sometimes misguided, always came from a loving heart. Always there to do things first, if not clearing, at least revealing different paths, there for the taking. There to catch me when I fell.
The family gatherings, the phone calls, the rides to dialysis, the trivial pursuit marathons, the movie discussions, the heated debates about endless things, the belly laughs, and cleansing tears. We solved the world's problems countless times over, simultaneously lifting and grounding each other like only sisters can.
I miss them every day. Char, gone at 46. Yvonne, weeks before turning 60. Our time here is never guaranteed.
Now, I'm doing my best to be the best I can for my little sister, like only sisters can.
Moving forward, I'm going to practice. Practice sitting in the minute, soaking in the moments. If, by some wisdom of the universe, I have the opportunity, years from now, to find another 'time capsule', I want to be able to sift through those memories, knowing, without doubt, that I didn't take any of it for granted.
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Until next time...
May we hug sincerely, love fully, and do our best to never take our time here for granted.
May we do our best to wade through life's noise, leaving room for what's really important.
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