A Work In Progress...

 

Hi!

Old stone against modern steel and glass. Innovative, creative art, and simple beauty both from nature and human talent. All of these in a walk encompassing one single city block.

Sometimes, really cool things that can bring smiles to a face that doesn't necessarily feel like smiling are only a few short steps beyond the day-to-day. 

Sometimes, in the midst of chaos, it's important to take a minute, walk a bit, and look around. If we don't take a moment every now and again to breathe, to let things go, stuff can pile up, weigh us down, and eventually become so heavy, we become unable to carry the burden. If we ignore the burden too long it can crush us. 

Our bodies tell us when it's time to let stuff go. All we have to do is listen. 

Stress shows itself in a ton of different ways. Headaches, stomach issues, sleeplessness, irritability, anxiety, the list is long, ugly, and different for almost everyone. 

What I am learning, or, I guess, trying to unlearn, is that our capacity to "suck it up," whatever it is, is not always a good thing. There are limits, and reaching those limits is NOT a sign of weakness, it's a sign of humanity. 

Weight.

Soooo, learning to breathe. Learning to actually look after ourselves, and not just do it on the surface, is harder than it seems. We think we are handling everything fine, we keep doing, we keep adding on to the load, because that is what we have always done.

More weight.

No matter what comes down the pike, we pick it up, look at it, receive it, and move on. Adding it to the ever-growing pile of stuff we carry. Even if we manage to solve whatever problem or issue that's in front of us, we then carry the consequence that stems from that, and then hold onto it because now we consider it ours, so everything that happens pertaining to it in the future, also becomes our responsibility. 

More weight.

As we keep going, forging a path through life, making decisions, good and bad, having things thrown at us that are completely outside of our control, using the tools that have both been given to, and created by us, we discover that some of our tools are faulty... even if they worked in the past, they don't work for us anymore. 

Some of those tools were handed down with the best of intentions, some created as a result of trauma, and some, most of them harbouring hidden malfunctions that weren't apparent from the beginning. Not all the tools are bad. They got us this far, after all, but some have been used far beyond their expiration date, and need to be retired. 

This is going to be different for everyone. If your toolbox is filled with things that still work for you in a healthy way, that's awesome. Just be sure to take them out and inspect them now and again to see if they are still providing the results they were meant to. 

Sometimes, some of the tools, simply become part of the load.

Even more weight.

So. Letting go. Breathing. Really taking care. These are the new tools I'm doing my best to learn to use, to keep. 

Lose the weight.

I think the hardest part of letting go, for me, is simply this. If I stop carrying all that needs carrying, if I put any of it down, who will have to pick it up?

A work in progress, to be sure. 

But, then again, aren't we all?

********************************************************

May we all find a way to rid ourselves of the tools that no longer work for us, or maybe never really did.

Happy Gratitude Awareness Day!

 Hi!

Here in Canada, it's Thanksgiving weekend. 

It's a holiday that carries a heavy history, just like the holiday of the same name celebrated by our neighbours to the South. They celebrate a bit later, but it's the same idea. 

I don't really believe that the original idea of "Thanksgiving" is something that should be celebrated. To think we should celebrate this coming together for a bountiful and generous meal.  As if the Indigenous people of Canada had options. We weren't invited to their land. They were invaded and taken advantage of. They were victims of several attempts at genocide both physical and cultural. 

Yeah, so to celebrate the traditional thanksgiving doesn't sit within an open conscience very well.

I still think, on the other hand, that setting aside a day or weekend for gratitude awareness is awesome. So let's do that, shall we? Set this time aside to be grateful.

I, for one, am thankful for the steps taken toward healing and reconciliation, even if there are miles to go. No journey, difficult or otherwise, can have even the smallest of starts without at least a few steps. Hopefully, as we find our stride, much more ground will be covered with much larger and ever more meaningful steps. 

I'm thankful to live where I live. There are so many places around the world living through torturous turmoil. Never knowing from one day to the next if tomorrow will come for them or their loved ones. 

I'm thankful for my four safe walls, a sheltering roof, a warm place to sleep, and three squares a day. 

I'm thankful for my Mom, my brothers and my sister. We aren't able to get together often, but we don't need to to know we are always there if needed. They are goofy, sarcastic, funny, stubborn, and loyal, they are family.

I'm thankful for good friends. The kind who say yes without having to know the reason why. The kind that will tell you the truth if it needs to be heard, embrace your ability to be a bad influence when it's called for, the Monica to your Rachel, the Thelma to your Louise, minus the gross murdery stuff, oh, and the whole driving off a cliff thing.

I'm thankful for my loving husband, four daughters, two sons-in-law, and all of my grandbabies. They are my reason, and always will be. They are the best of everything I am. 

I'm thankful.

So gratitude awareness.

Let's take a minute to remind ourselves not to take who and what we have for granted. 

Big things, little things, tiny things, all of it.

The beautiful turn of the leaves, the crisp air, a hot cup of coffee, an eclectic, satisfying playlist, a good book, a fresh cinnamon bun, a bike ride, a walk, a warm hug, and the ability to enjoy all of it without giving any of it a second thought. 

So, have some turkey, or ham, or chicken, a peanut butter sandwich, or pizza, or whatever gets your taste buds excited, eat a slice of pumpkin pie, or apple, or a chunk of whatever dessert makes you smile. Get together with family and friends, or sit with a book in a tub of bubbly, candle-lit solitude. 

Everyone's situation is different, hell, every day is different. Some days it's easy to find things to be grateful for. On other days, it can feel nearly impossible. It's on the hard days that it matters most. It's easy to be grateful when things are good, when we are flooded with light. It's in the darkness, when we have to search for something to hold on to, that's when we have to dig a bit deeper. Even if it means finding a speck of something so small it can barely hold the weight, place your gratitude there, and watch it grow. 

****************************************************

May you find something to hang your gratitude hat on. It's there, it just might take a bit of digging. 

A Couple Things...

 

Hi!

Over the past little bit, there has been a lot to process in the news.

A couple things...

Okay, sooooooo Putin goes into Ukraine, claims some land, forces people to "vote" in favour of his claims, then just declares, "Now these pieces of your Country are mine"? 

That can't be how it works... right?

I mean, by that logic, carjackings are legal, and armed robberies, muggings, anything... really. 

It's insane.

He's losing the war he started, so he's trying to upend the chess board and declare victory.

Sound familiar?

The Grand Q Cheeto has the same mindset. Sadly for him, the country he lives in is not yet corrupt enough for him to have succeeded in his coup. If he had recruited smarter people, he might have pulled it off. Hell, if he had an IQ higher than a piece of belly button lint, he might have pulled it off. 

Even with his cluster of idiot clowns, he managed to get closer than he ever should have. He and his minions continue to try. 

The only way to stop the trying is to have a complete, utter, and absolute gargantuan blue wave hit the states in November. 

I don't want that Putin wannabe, or any of his asshat henchmen, as the leader of our neighbours to the South. 

I don't understand wanting to drag your country backwards, as the rest of the world embraces the future. I don't understand wanting to pull back on equality. Wanting to deny what the planet is showing us in real time. It makes no sense.

Another thing...

Today, in Canada, it's our National Day for Truth and Reconciliation. It's a day set aside to learn and listen. It's a day to honour the grief forced upon the Indigenous people who were here when our great grandmas and grandpas got here. It's only the second one. Does it fix everything... or anything? I think, over time, as we listen to and honour the stories of the children and families who were and continue to be devastated by our judicial, education, and social systems, healing is possible. 

Truth... the learning of it, the listening to it, the acceptance of it, has to be honestly honoured first. Then, and only then, can the process of Reconciliation, and healing begin? 

We stepped into their world and claimed it. We were Putin, in that scenario. Hopefully, we can learn from our history, as to avoid its repetition. 

One more thing...

Answer me this... If Donald Trump is such a whiz at making money, why does he keep having to ask for handouts from the blue collars who support him? His party looks down their brown noses at any and all that need help, a hand up, monetary help to get them through, yet here he is, begging for spare change over and over and over again.

He has a decades-long reputation of not paying his bills, screwing over anyone and everyone he can. Always punching down because... of course he does. He never met a minority he didn't like to suppress or make fun of. He's gone bankrupt multiple times, never following the rules the rest of us are required to.

I think those days just might be coming to an end. 

It's looking more and more like there will be consequences. Some small, some fairly consequential. Will he get jail time? Who knows? Will he end up penniless, working as a Walmart greeter? One can only hope. Or, maybe just maybe, those who follow him will finally see that this particular Emporer is as naked as the bamboo's ass he is. 

One can only hope...

*******************************************************************

Until next time...

May all in pain from scars, new and old, find a path to healing, a path to peace.

May we wrap our arms around those weathering storms, physical and emotional, bringing ease.

***********************************************************************

All The Leaves Are Brown... And Gold... And Red...

 

Hi!

The start of a new season... and my favourite one at that!

As we fall into Autumn, as we step into the pumpkin spice, apple-picking, corn maze, no bugs, leaf-piling, as we take walks in the crisp air, feeling the need for a bit of a jacket, as we do all of this, let's take notice and be grateful for the privilege it is to be able to enjoy it.

Time slips by so fast, especially when we aren't taking the time to pay attention. 

So many around the world are living through what I'm sure feels like an endless nightmare right now.

The people of Ukraine, the reasonable citizens of Russia, the people of Iran, and the poor immigrants who were trafficked across state lines fuelled by the bad judgment, bigotry, and cold cruelty of a powerful, twisted few. 

There are so many who have been stripped of the privilege of walking amongst the beauty we, too often, take for granted. Let's not. 

I know it's become  cliche, but we really don't know what others are going through. We don't know their struggles, their dreams, what kind, or how deep their scars. So let's be kind to the people at the other end of the cash register. Let's show a little patience, a little compassion to everyone we encounter. 

We're all just doing our best with the tools we have at our disposal. The tools become more plentiful, stronger, more sophisticated, and more powerful as we grow and gain experience, but there isn't a person alive who has a full set that can handle all things, without issue. 

Back to basics. Don't hurt anyone on purpose. That's it. It's not complicated. 

Don't yell at people, don't scream at people, don't stop kids from playing in the park, don't get mad if you have to wait for fast food, don't throw a fit if someone makes a mistake, don't have a cow when you find people parking on a public street, even if it's on the street where you live. Let the kids skateboard, let sidewalk chalk, barbeques, and lemonade stands just happen. In other words, don't be a karen. Karening is a trend that has lived long past its expiry date. It's time for it to go away. 

Instead of trying to provoke the worst from each other, let's try to polish the shine in each other. Let's go back to making each other laugh, making each other smile. 

Let's quit wondering why people in the service industry aren't exactly jumping up and down to take abuse for minimum wage. It's not complicated. 

**************************************************************

Now, you'll have to excuse me, I hear some leaves calling my name...

May we really take in the beauty around us. It passes quickly, which makes it all the more precious. 

Iconic Majesty... For...Against... A Historic Passage...

Hi!

Although I've never really been a big Royal enthusiast, I have had a curiosity.

On one side, the whole idea of a "Royal Family" seems very old-fashioned. Propping up an elite ideal for a purpose that is kind of mystifying. I remain unclear about what they actually do. I know they travel, host dignitaries, participate in a lot of pomp and circumstance, follow a lot of rules that, in this day and age, seem downright archaic, and wave... a lot. 

They define the word "colonizer" very literally, muddying up anything good they may have done since. Although they remain a Sovereign entity in name only, for the most part, they remain revered in many countries. 

A twist on Stockholm syndrome? Or is it simply a way to reconcile with the past and move on? I'm not sure.

On the other side, some have a real distaste for what the Royal family represents, in the past, in the present, and moving forward. They resent this ultra-privileged tiny group of people living a jet-setting life, on the taxpayers' dime. Regular people struggling to make ends meet have to watch their hard-earned money to support a basically ancient concept. 

I think we love the idea of a real-life fairytale. Real kings, queens, princes, and princesses. The grandeur, the fantasy. But in all practicality, all those homes, the castles, the space, the land, would, if put to a different use, could solve a big chunk, if not the entire homelessness problem in England. 

I, for one, am torn. 

I love the fairytale. The writer in me loves the romance of it all. 

The practical wife, Mom and Grandma in me feels it's ridiculous for so few to live in spaces that could so easily house so many vulnerable people who need it so desperately. 

That being said, Queen Elizabeth II, had the weight of the crown thrust upon her head at an age that most kids now, are struggling to find the wherewithal to adjust to adulthood. She didn't ask for it. She had no control over the circumstances of her birth any more than any of us.

We play the cards we are dealt. 

Some get a royal flush, others dealt a complete hand of jokers. Equal but different, it all depends on the game you choose to play. 

We are at the cusp of another change of season. The incredible colours are again prominent, giving us the heads up of what's to come. 

We know what's in store will likely hold a resemblance to the past, but will bring new adventure, as well. 

We all need to carry the weight of whatever crown we are given. We do, though, get to choose what that looks like. Life is going to happen, regardless of our level of worry. I refuse to believe that we are on this earth to take everything seriously. Life is good, life can be hard, life is a series of unplanned adventures, with bits of on purpose in between. We might as well have as much fun as possible along the way. 

******************************************************************************

Until next time...

May the majesty of the season not be lost in the day-to-day.

May we take a minute to appreciate the beauty of what's right in front of us, it's a true display.

May we find a way to live life lighter, not allowing the weight of our crowns to impede our delight.

May we give ourselves permission to let things go, laugh more, play more, flip the dark to light. 

***********************************************************

 

Last Wedding Of The Summer....

 

Hi! 

Well, that's a wrap! (At least for this summer)

We had the honour of providing the music for one last wedding of the summer this Labour Day weekend.

Special moments shared in an incredible, historic venue.

You know, we've been DJing, and putting on karaoke shows for about 23 years now, and weddings remain my favourite event. Two families, shared friends, childhood friends, and brand new friends collide, creating magic.

As we observe from our little corner of the space, the love and support aimed directly at the new couple, the clinking of glasses to prompt a kiss, the first dances, the little ones chasing the lights as they too dance across the floor, the hugs, the laughter, the absolute pure joy, we get to witness humanity in a way that really matters. 

Yes, there can be tension, as everyone wants their wedding to be perfect. Some stress out over this more than others, but it's something that simmers as all the planning, all the preparation, all the decisions about the special day are being made. That stress can sometimes, bleed into the day itself.

The execution of the vision.

As an objective observer of more weddings than I can count over the past 20 some odd years, I've come to understand a few things.

If you'll indulge me, I'd like to share a few of these things in the hopes to relieve some future couples and their parent-type people of a few grey hairs. 

Ready? Here goes.

The music used during your ceremony only needs to mean something to you... the couple getting married. There is no such thing as right or wrong music. Five minutes after the ceremony is over, the odds of your guests remembering what songs were chosen are slim to none. Very few people really care. Your guests are there for you, to watch you exchange vows that are meaningful to you, to bear witness to your commitment. 

When you stress over centerpieces, flowers, and decorations, please keep in mind that your guests will remember how the room made them feel much more than they remember the specific decor. Whether it's a dollar store candle sitting on 50 cents worth of glittery confetti or an elaborate 4 ft vase filled with imported flowers and diamonds, the vibe of the room is what sticks. 

To save yourself a ton of panic, just know that things will not go according to plan. At least not everything. And that's okay. In fact, it's awesome. I've seen some of the most special moments, the most precious moments happen when things go "wrong." Those are the things that create the best memories, the best stories. 

Make sure you are planning the wedding you really want, within the budget you have. Overspending on a wedding does not guarantee a successful marriage. We've all seen it happen. It's not about how much you spend, it's about making sure you and your guests have a great time. A great time doesn't always have to cost an arm and a leg. 

Wedding traditions Shmedding traditions! Throw the bouquet... or don't. Toss the garter... or don't. Have a cake... or don't. Have toasts... or don't. Have a bridal party... or don't. I think you get what I'm getting at. Don't get caught up in what you think is expected. 

Don't send an invitation to anyone who would be surprised to get one. If we get invited to a wedding, and my first thought is, why are they inviting us? We shouldn't have received one. Trim your guest list, accordingly. No law says you have to have a big wedding just for the sake of having a big wedding. 

And finally? Allow yourself to enjoy your day. Be present in it. It passes in a blink. What's going to happen will happen whether you stress about it or not. The people present are there to celebrate you. Let them. 

*********************************************************************

Well, I hate to write and run, But I'm getting ready for a visit with my mom. A few days of spending time with a pretty dang important person. 

See ya next time. 

*******************************************************************

May every newly married couple understand that they have just created an incredible team.

May they see that through life's shit storms, it has to be a given that on each other you can lean.

May you understand that marriage in real life is nothing like in the movies or on tv.

May you understand that your spouse will, and at times, simultaneously, make you smile and make you seethe. 

May you fully understand to have a good partner, you need to be one.

May you find a way, even when it's dark, even when it feels impossible, to have fun.

************************************************************************

Equality For All Oppreses No One...

Hi!

The top image is something that has been making its way around social media. I saw it. I read it. I understood why it is circulating. I know from experience, like pretty much every female on the planet, the importance of it. It also sits on my soul like an infected lesion.

When and where exactly do we live? Why are we still having to walk around like we live in a post-apocalyptic war zone?!

So I fixed it. My remedy, the bottom image. 

I recently had the pleasure of chatting with some back-to-school kids. The subject of clothes, what's allowed and what isn't, came up.

What I quickly discovered, are the lopsided rules when it comes to what female students are, and are not permitted to wear, compared to the free reign the males seem to have by comparison. Still. In 2022!

Please tell me when the females on this planet will cease to be responsible for males' attitudes and actions. 

Please tell me at what point we stop forcing females to curb their behavior and start making males control theirs? 

I mean, it's really not hard. Our demands are simple. There really is only one.

Don't hurt us. 

Predatory behavior needs to be treated like what it is. Poison.

Predatory behavior needs to be called out. Every. Single. Time.

It's not funny. It's not cute. The wink wink nod nod bullshit needs to stop.

We felt the need to teach our daughters to physically defend themselves. And, it's a good thing we did, because every one of them has had to use those skills at least a few times. 

Not just once.

I've had to. 

Every female I know over the age of 13 has had to either physically defend themselves, or use evading tactics to get themselves out of sketchy situations.

The women reading this will know what that means. 

Laughing something off even though it makes your stomach turn.

Being friendly when everything in you wants to be anything but.

Maneuvering around a crowded space, shrinking yourself as small as possible, as to not draw unwanted attention.

Answering 'greetings' from slimy douchebags, as to not trigger said douche into escalating the situation into something that becomes dangerous. 

Having to befriend groups of safe-looking strangers, as not to have to deal with the guy following you. 

Covering up our bodies whether we want to or not, because we are somehow responsible for grown men's lack of self-control. 

I can't even put into words how pissed off I am that my granddaughters and nieces are still having to deal with this crap.

Why have men not evolved past this neanderthal bullshit?

Why? Because they have not been required to do so.

Well, the time is long past due. And it's not the responsibility of women to make it happen. At least not directly.

Mothers... teach your sons. Teach them how to have healthy, partnerships with women. Equal relationships. Teach them boundaries.

Fathers... teach your sons. First, unlearn all of the crap definitions of manhood that have enveloped you your whole life, then teach those lessons. Every time you get the urge to wink wink nod nod, stop it. Be aware of it, and stop it. Read some books, take some classes, talk to women about this, do your homework, and evolve. And then... call out predatory behavior... always.

Mothers... teach your daughters. Teach them to take up space. Teach them to wear what makes them light up. Teach them that is never their job to make themselves smaller or less than to appease a male ego. Teach them to be everything they want to be, never compromising their shine because a boy can't handle it. Teach them to be their brilliant, caring, loud selves.

Fathers... teach your daughters that boundaries are theirs to make, and theirs alone. Teach them what respect looks like. Teach them how to never settle. Teach them that they are the ones who decide if, when, and how they have sex. Teach them that pressure is not foreplay. Be the kind of man you would wish upon your daughters. Be the kind of man you want your son to become. 

Regardless of sex or gender teaching basic human respect for all people is parenting 101.

Do it. 

Teach kindness instead of competition. Teach them that lifting others up does not diminish them. Equality for all oppresses no one. 

I for one am tired, and I simply refuse to accept crap behavior from men for one more day.

I'm done. 

I thank the universe every single day that I found and married one of the good ones. 

***************************************************************

May we finally be allowed to quit looking over our shoulders.

May we finally be able to let down our guard, breathe, be free.

May every predator be put in his place every single time his urges bubble to the surface.

May my granddaughters not have to walk with their keys between their fingers.