My House May Not Be Fancy...But

 Hi!

Home.

It's so incredibly different for everyone. None are the same.

Oh, they might look similar, decor coming from the same factories, designs mass produced to appease the masses. Some look like they could be featured in magazines without a bit of notice, while others would need a minute to toss their lives into closets to make things "presentable."

Mine lingers in a purgatory of sorts. It definitely is always magazine-ready... it would simply depend on the day and the type of magazine. Think of it as a combination photo shoot... Good Housekeeping with a healthy dose of DIY Gone Not Quite Right and a sprinkle of This Is The Chaos Of The Week. Okay, I know that not all of those are real magazines, but maybe they should be. 

No, my house may not be fancy. Far from it, but it will always be welcoming, warm, safe for all, full of love, acceptance, and hugs that will hold until you're ready to break them. Within its walls are always shoulders wide and strong enough to cry on and carry the weight of your every truth, and laughter, enough laughter to lift the heaviest of clouds, even if only for a while. 

No, my house may not be fancy, but there will always be something homemade to snack on, a ton of fridge-worthy art to appreciate, and home decor made by small, inexperienced fingers. 

Home should never be taken for granted.

Too many have been forced out of theirs by storms, fire, war, rejection, and abuse to assume that all of us have choices as to where we lay our head.

So many are simply doing their best with the circumstances they are given. When decisions have to be made between paying an electric bill and groceries, when you have to say no for the millionth time to your kids for no other reason than the money is just not there, when the very basics to live are unattainable all at the same time, a lamp from Pier 1, because it's the new 'it' thing, doesn't even register on the radar of needs.

So, if you are invited into someone's home, into their personal sanctuary, suspend judgment. They are making themselves vulnerable, they know perfectly well what their house looks like, they don't need you to take mental notes, or mention one single thing you find wrong or out of place, they know. For your own sake, just allow yourself to be in their space, appreciating the fact that they allowed to enter. 

Our society seems to have been overtaken with celebrity. The lifestyles, the 'stuff', the designer this and that. These things have always been considered status symbols of sorts, why, has always personally baffled me, but it is what it is. 

It does seem, though, that with the influence,and influencers of social media, with the filtres, and staged photos, it has become a lot more prevalent. It seems self-worth is becoming hinged more and more on what you own and what you can buy instead of the kind of person you are. Good deeds only count if they are on camera. It's like if you don't get the 'likes', 'follows', and 'subs' you don't count. 

Home is not a competition. It's not like whoever has the fanciest house when they die wins. Whoever has accumulated the most stuff, the most expensive stuff...

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about enjoying life. If you can afford to have the things, take the trips, by all means, you should absolutely do all of it! Do it up! All I ask is that you don't give it more import than it deserves. 

It doesn't mean you are better, smarter, more responsible, work harder, or have done everything right... it just doesn't. Some of the hardest-working, most incredible people I know call it a great day if they can pay all of their bills for the month... and have groceries. It's an even bigger deal if they have a few pennies left over to do something just for fun, that isn't absolutely necessary. 

There is a huge swath of humans who work until their bodies want to break for whom the phrase "disposable income" is a myth, a fairytale, some magical thing they can't even imagine. 

As humans, our self-worth is not attached to stuff we can buy. We are worthy because we exist. We are worthy of dignity, love, compassion and understanding. We are worthy of being warm, fed, and cared for. We are worthy of dreaming, laughing, and having fun. 

It says so much more about how our society is set up than it ever will about the majority of people for some to have the opinion that it is somehow the fault of the poor/working poor that they are poor. That somehow, they just aren't working hard enough, long enough, that that would make the difference. 

Should people have to work 70+ hours a week to cover basic needs? We are supposed to have to work to support our lives, work should never have to become our whole lives just to survive. 

Somewhere along the way, priorities became twisted. Working to live became attached to being lazy. Living to work became the sad norm. The hustle economy/mentality should be an option, not a necessity. 

If you spend every waking hour surviving, it leaves no room for dreaming, let alone space to chase those dreams. 

How did we let this happen?

Let's fix it. Our grandbabies need us to. 

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May we fix this.

The Shaky House Of Cards...

 

Hi!

You know, there are people all over the world who are, right now, in real-time, suffering atrocities that they did absolutely nothing to bring upon themselves.

There are victims of war, famine, displacement, poverty, abuse, hate speech, racism, discrimination for being part of the queer community, and all kinds of violence. All of these people have zero culpability in the how and why these horrible things are happening to them. 

They are simply existing in the world.

Then, there are those who love to claim victimhood when they are the ones who singlehandedly orchestrated their own demise. And, the demise they have created for themselves really only consists of going broke and going to prison. Not starvation, not torture, no beatings, no rape, no fear of death, no punishment for merely existing, no forced pregnancies, none of the really egregious things that happen to millions of other people all the time. 

No, the only thing that is going to happen is lawful accountability.

Now, one of the self-proclaimed richest guys in the United States is selling shoes and begging people who live below the poverty line to bail him out of the mess he completely created on his own. If he had simply stayed living in the realm of the almost famous, he likely would have gotten away with all of his underhanded, smarmy, creepy crap like he had been for decades. But, he insisted on thrusting himself into the limelight, inviting scrutiny. Then, in his inept attempts to cover his clumsy criming, and inability to admit defeat, he committed more crimes, worse crimes, crimes that before now, no one thought a guy in the position he was given the honour to hold could possibly be capable of. 

There were those of us who knew. Who felt it every time we saw him on screen. Never having been in the same country, let alone the same room, knew. The hairs on the back of the neck would stand at attention, spidey senses pinging like the radar in the traffic control tower of the world's busiest airport. 

Karma can feel slow and lazy at times, but she never fails to come around and flex her inevitable strength. Eventually, the universe balances herself out, and those who perpetuate, participate, and continue to put toxic things into the world get the outcome they need. 

What is that old saying? If you don't want to do the time, don't do the crime. Or, don't do all of the multiple crimes, in certain instances. 

If he is such a terrific businessman,  such an incredible genius, why has he gone bankrupt multiple times? Why would he not know that doing all of these stupidly horrible things would catch up with him? If he's so rich, why is he out begging for money? If he's so brilliant, why doesn't he flex enough intelligence to know when to keep his mouth shut, and not cost himself even more money. 

Even a baby knows if you touch a hot stove it hurts and they don't do it again. They have the ability to learn, to adapt their behavior in such a way as to not hurt themselves further. A baby knows better. 

As the rest of this shaky house of cards falls, and the last of the emperor's clothes hit the prison floor, my greatest wish is that this will finally be the epiphany that the last of his followers need to finally see the truth about him. 

I'm sure there will still be the delusional few who will cling to the belief that he was somehow horribly mistreated, but I think they might still be hanging out on the grassy knoll waiting for JFK and Elvis to show up for the flat-earther picnic.

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The Shortest Month...

 Hi!

I know that February has the fewest days of all of them. Logically, we all know this. Why, then, does it tend to feel like the longest? 

I have a theory...

February feels longer than it has a right to for, I think, a few different reasons.

For one, January, let's face it, is the Holiday hangover month. We are recovering, getting our bearings after weird work schedules, more socializing than we have become accustomed to through the last few years, and just a stitch more partying than we experience in our usual, day-to-day lives. For two, let's face it, where I call home, January is generally the month where both the likelihood of it being so cold it hurts to breathe, and enduring the experience of having every single fluid that CAN escape from ALL the orifices of your face freezing to, and in whatever they touch, is incredibly high. The January we most recently got rid of took that to heart with a vengeance. We reached temperatures that were colder than Mars. Ridiculous. For three, January is stupid dark... a lot. So let's recap, we are recovering from a holiday hangover, it's cold, it's dark, we are getting our feet under us after admitting to ourselves that half of our New Year's resolutions have already been ditched. It passes. not quickly, but it passes.

March, carries with it a hint, a promise, of Spring. It's covered in mucky snow, the snowmen residing on front lawns start resembling something from The Walking Dead. Kids playing in school playgrounds find that there is no way to know if you should be wearing snow pants, splash pants, winter, or rubber boots. Chances are, whatever you think will work that day.... won't. We start to feel some warmth in the sun that is beginning to stay longer. Yeah, we start trusting the telltale signs that winter is coming to an end. 

Sooooo, February. Yes, it has the fewest days, but the fog of the holidays has cleared, our resolutions are but a distant memory, we have completed the self-berating for that and have moved on. Our nights still eat up more than half the clock. It can still get cold enough to make your eyeballs freeze shut, but it can also melt enough to create the best icicle machetes. I think the reason February feels so long is that, at this point, unless you are a skier, a snowshoer, or a hockey fan, you're just kind of sick of winter being winter. I, for one, am ready for more daylight, no snow, and not having to check the forecast before leaving the house. 

So, if I haven't been clear,  I'm officially tired of winter. 

Looking forward...

Spring breezes caressing the delicate blossoms of wildflowers, their gentle sway creating complex choreography for the bees and hummingbirds.

Long walks in new places wherein the only purpose is to capture nature's impossible beauty within the frame of an unnatural lens. 

Open windows, allowing the perfumes of the awakening world to envelope every room.

Riding bike until everything feels uphill.

Creating fresh memories in the fresh air with the fresh faces that look forward to our little adventures. 

That glorious, and all too short span of time that graces us between snowbanks and mosquitoes. 

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Happy Valentine's/Love Day!

                                                                        credit for this photo is unknown
 

Hi!

So, we are but days away from International Love Day! 

Yes, traditionally, Valentine's Day has been a day to celebrate romantic love. But the fact that over the past few years especially, the inclusion of all kinds of love have made it an even better holiday. For when you are talking about love, everyone is deserving, and should absolutely be part of the celebration, period. 

This is the day to say all the gushy things, give the hugs, to make gifts of goofy trinkets that best represent the relationship, and take the opportunity to show love and be kind to ourselves. 

I realize that some take this holiday very seriously and are offended if not given expensive things. Hey, if that is how you like to celebrate, all the power to you. Personally, it's not about what you get, but a time to reflect on all the relationships I hold dear.

Am I holding up my end? Am I being the partner my hubby needs? Am I being the Mom, Daughter, Sister and Friend that meets the moments where they need to be met? Am I dropping the ball anywhere I'm not aware of? 

The saying is "Happily Ever After." It's the ending to countless fairytales, leading the reader to believe that the rest of the characters’ lives are filled with nothing but ranbows and unicorns, where the weather is always perfect and nothing bad ever happens. 

We all know what a load of crap that is, yet we tend to hold our relationships to these unrealistic standards. Like they are plucked from rom com movie scripts, where the plot twists are pretty predictable, and beautiful soliloquies solve every problem. 

The real ending to these tales should read "Happily Never Always." I mean, it might not be as romantic, but it makes a lot more sense. 

No matter the type of relationship you are talking about, it's just not possible for it to be perfectly filled with sweetness and light every single day. 

When you are in a romantic relationship, you need to be ready for when reality kicks in. It requires a vulnerability that could crush you, trust beyond what's reasonable, forgiveness, compromise, and patience. You have to be ready to roll together, giving each other the strength to plow through life's hurdles. You have to be ready to polish each other's shine, growing and evolving as you go. 

Nobody married 30 years in, is the same person they were on their wedding day. At least you shouldn't be. Life, at this point should have taught you some things, changed your perspectives, expanded your world views. There will be times when you will hurt each other, all we can do is our best not to do it on purpose. Fogiveness is hard, and not everything deserves it. Abuse is unforgivable and should never be given a second chance, other than that, where you draw your line is up to you. Forgiveness should never be mistaken for forgetfulness. Once a deep trust is shattered, I'm not sure it can ever be truly and fully restored. 

If you never fight, is it because you actually agree on everything or that you don't trust that your relationship could handle it? If you are in it and don't feel like you can speak with complete honesty, if you don’t feel safe showing all of who you are, take a  beat and ask yourself why that might be. 

No, real romantic love is not like in the movies. It's messy, it's comforting, it's hard, it's inside jokes, it's someone who holds you up when you need it, but allows you to hold them right back. It's playing to each other's strengths without exploiting weaknesses, not even in a fight. It's fighting with a purpose, striving for a solution, and not just for the sake of fighting. Arguing in circles is pointless. It's an adventure filled with, if you are very lucky, a lot more joy than sorrow, much more laughter than tears, and a love that grows bigger and deeper with every passing year.

Happily Never Always... I wouldn't have it any other way. 

If you are celebrating romantic love, whatever that looks like for you, enjoy!

If you are celebrating friendship love, do it up!

If you are celebrating love of Family, soak it in.

So let's celebrate love. Make it gushy. Make it cheesy. Make it joyous. Make it fun. Make it weird.

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May you celebrate any and all love you have the privilege of having in your life.

May you take a beat to appreciate all of it, whether from a child, friend, husband, or wife.

May you receive true and trustworthy love. You are precious. You are lovable. You are worthy of all things good. 

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Who Does That?!........Warriors... That's Who...

 

Hi!

There are a lot of things going on in the world, like there has always been.

We all look at it through unique lenses and perspectives. Where I live, who I am, how, where and when  I grew up, my adult life experiences, and how I am wired, all play a part, all add to the filter through which I walk through life. I think it's safe to say that is something absolutely every human on the planet shares. 

Most of us, I believe, do our best to be decent, kind, caring and compassionate. At the very least, strive to do no harm. Then, there are those who seem to not only go out of their way to inflict pain upon others but revel in doing so. 

They want to call it other things. They want to disguise cruelty as standing up for their beliefs. They choose to throw a poisonous blanket of 'values' over their incessant need to validate their feelings of superiority. They want to destroy joyful things because they perceive them as threats to their power. They don't care if what they are doing hurts others.

Who does that?

Who thinks that it's humane to line the floor of the Rio Grande with saw blades and razor wire to shred the legs and feet of human beings who are merely trying to survive a circumstance that, through no fault of their own, has put them in harm's way. What I don't get, is the people that think this is okay, wouldn't treat a stray dog with the same distain. These are human beings, in desperate need, leaving everything they know, everyone they love, to find a place where they can live safely, and in peace. Yet, they are treated with less kindness than a stray dog. Who does that?

Who makes policies that put children who are already at risk, at MORE risk? People who like to wear the badge of Christianity as some sort of warped status symbol, love to use pieces of religion to justify discrimination. Not all kids are safe at home, for a plethora of reasons. For some of them, school is their only safe space. I'm sorry, conservative, Christian, closeminded, people, you can try to label it as anything you want to, it won't change the fact that what it comes down to, is that you are putting kids who already are at risk in real danger. Let me guess, after they get, at the very least, rejected and kicked out by their parents, are you going to feed, clothe, and support them, so they can grow and thrive, like I'm sure you want all the straight kids to do? Or, and this is more likely, will you blame them for ending up broken, surviving however they can, now, filled with the self-hate that you so adamantly drilled into their psyche? Who does that?

Who is threatened by someone else's happiness and success? I find it fascinating, comical, really, just how threatened by Taylor Swift supposedly grown men are. They seem to think that her simply showing up at a football game, and having fun with her boyfriend's family as they watch, is something to be deathly afraid of. It's just so stupid. The fact that the people who televise the game show that she's there throws them into a tailspin. She receives death threats from these insecure idiots. Why? Because she has created an incredible life for herself and her family? Because she has reached a level of success that most of them can't even imagine all by the age of 34? Does it bother them that she is tall, AND beautiful, AND smart, AND talented, AND kind, AND generous, AND funny, AND is happy? She has completely implanted herself under the skin, is living rent free, and is apparently threatening the masculinity of men everywhere by simply living her life. They are obsessed. Who does that?

Who stands up and faces their monsters on a regular basis, who brings them to their knees by simply telling, and standing by their truth? Who looks their oppressors in the eyes, and says I will not only survive, but thrive, not because of you, but in spite of you? Those who stare down these self-righteous hypocrites, those who take them to court and win $83.3 million dollars, those who proudly let their queer flags fly because they have found that the family that you need doesn't always come through blood, those who wade through treacherous waters cutting their legs and feet on the hate of those who should be embracing them with compassion, in a desperate effort to save those they love. Who does that?

Warriors... that's who. 

There is enough land, enough space, there is enough for all of us. Someone else's success, happiness, existence, or ability to live in peace can not diminish our own.

If you think it does, that delusion lands squarely on your shoulders. Time to start figuring out why you feel that way instead of blaming other people for the insecurities you feel. They aren't MAKING you feel that way. They are just living. The rest is on you. 

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Self Care...Different Things For Different People

                                                                                       

                                                                                 

                                                

                                                                                                                                     

                             

Hi!

One of the most popular phrases of our time is "self-care," it sounds awesome and essential, but what does it actually mean?

As part of the "Let's Talk" conversation, I think it's worth thinking about.

As I can only talk about life through my own filter, my own traumas, my own lens, I can really only define self-care as I feel it.

For me, and I'm sure I'm not alone, self-care comes in a variety of flavours. Sometimes, a long soak and a good book is what I need, sometimes, it's goofing off with grandbabies, sometimes, it's long walks in the fresh air, sometimes it's curling up on the couch with my honey watching movies, sometimes it's cranking the music and dancing like I'm a contender for the gold. 

I don't think I'm assuming too much by thinking that everyone has more than one version of self-care in their arsenal of tools.

If we aren't sure, there are many videos and articles with suggestions that might spark an idea that works for us. 

But, what I find, is having the tools isn't enough. Knowing we need to look after ourselves and actually doing so, are two very different things. 

How many of us wait too long before using what's in our toolboxes?

Why do we tend to wait until we are hanging on by our fingernails before we take that breath?

Why do we wait until we are overwhelmed before we ask for help?

We need to do better for ourselves. We need to check in with ourselves more often, reaching into that toolbox for small tune-ups instead of waiting until the dashboard is lit up like an overloaded Christmas tree. 

So, maybe it's a good idea to take stock of our toolboxes now and again to make sure that there are a variety of things in there, and that none of them do more harm than good in the long run. Sometimes what seems like a tool, can easily become a weapon. 

Like booze, like drugs, like too much junk food. What seems to be a positive type tool in the minute, can turn into a weapon we then wield upon ourselves pretty quickly, if we aren't paying close enough attention. 

Sometimes, it takes a deep study of ourselves to figure out what actually overwhelms us, stresses us, causes anxiety. Is it what seems obvious? Job, kids, money, surface things? Or, is it deeper than that? What is it about the job, exactly? What is it about the kids? Is money the real issue, or something it represents? 

Maybe, if a person digs a bit, and gets to the roots, we'd be able to rid ourselves of at least some of the weeds. 

We all have reasons we do the things we do. Reasons why we react the way we do. Reasons we perceive things the way we do.

We each look at, and walk through life carrying our very own unique and incredibly personal baggage. We carry our traumas and scars, most of which we bury far beneath the surface as to make sure no one sees them, or knows of their existence. We too, carry the skills, lessons, and tools we have gathered along the way. 

As we grow, we discover that some of the things we have held on to, fully thinking they were tools are actually weights we have been carrying that don't even belong to us. 

One example.

Being fiercely independent = We associate asking for help as weakness.

This is one of the things I struggle with. A tool that turns into a weapon I deploy upon myself on a pretty regular basis. 

Everybody has their stuff. We can have empathy and compassion but we can never truly walk in someone else's shoes, no matter how hard we try. But, kindness can go a long way. We don't need to fully understand in order to love someone through a hard time. 

So, my friends, please take care of yourselves, whatever that looks like for you.

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May we drop the weights from the baggage we carry, as they don't belong to us.

May we leave them behind, without guilt, there need not be fanfare, nor fuss.

May we take a beat to check in each day, and not wait for the alarms to ring.

May truly caring for ourselves become the norm, not just a trending thing.

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Let's Talk...Again...And Again

 

Hi! 

It's that time of year. 

In Canada, we have a mental health awareness movement called "Let's Talk" which has the day of focus falling this year, on Wednesday, Jan 24th. 

That's the day the spotlight shines brightest, but that light should not be allowed to dim throughout the rest of the year. Every day should have a focused on mental health. 

I don't think that means it becomes the only thing we focus on, it doesn't define us, and mental health is not about only those who suffer diagnoses. Mental health is for everyone to be aware of, be mindful of, take care of. 

Just like we should get checkups, and listen to our bodies when it comes to physical health, we should always pay equal attention to our mental health. Just like you don't need to be diagnosed with heart disease to gear your lifestyle toward maintaining a healthy heart, The same goes for your mental health. You don't need a diagnosis to take care, and gear your lifestyle toward maintaining good mental health. 

Life is hard at times. It becomes hard for everyone. Of course, there are different degrees of hard. Different definitions. Some people tend to panic when their bank account dips below $5000, while others' panic button doesn't even quiver until the final notices start appearing in the mail and they have no way of paying. 

Some find it hard to be in a crowded room, others thrive in that circumstance. Some have days when they struggle to get out of bed one day and feel like they can take on the world the next. Some carry themselves with an unshatterable positivity. Everyone has their quirks, their own triggers, their own trauma, their own coping mechanisms. Some cope with unhealthy tools, some cope through completely healthy means, and others just keep doing their best. There are still others who don't want to lift that veil, living in the land of denial, scared of what they may find. I think we, all of us, share aspects, carry pieces of all of the above. 

Each of us have bad days. Again, that is defined very differently by every single soul. None of us can truly walk in the shoes of another, but we can have compassion and be empathetic for people living in circumstances we don't share. We have to try to step outside of the view through our own lens and be willing to see clearly, without bias, without judgment, the truths of those who choose to share, and bare their hearts.  

To those who struggle, feel you are a burden, entertain thoughts of leaving this earth at your own hand...hear me.

If we don't hear the whispers, if we are oblivious to the subtle, please get louder. You are not alone, please reach out. In Canada, we have a national suicide hotline 9-8-8. If that feels too much, do less, but please do something. Whoever you reach for may not say the perfect things, but give them a chance. Give someone the chance to listen. We need you here. We need you to stay. We need you to trust that joy will find you, even if you can't see that right now.

You are worthy of every happiness. You are enough just as you are. You are perfectly you, and you are precious. If you can't feel that right now, that's okay. Just please hear it, and hold it until you are able to take it in, receive it. 

You matter.

Discussing mental health is not a talk that only happens once. It's not a one-and-done kind of conversation. It's life. Like talking about sex, relationships, developing life skills, there are initial age-appropriate talks to break the ice, taking away feelings of taboo. But, then those conversations need fleshing out, they need countless revisitations, expanding, always ending in a to-be-continued state. 

Cracks are beginning to show in the stigma. Let's shatter what's left of it. 

Let's Talk. 

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May you find the strength and courage to reach as far and wide as you need to be heard.

May you accept how precious you are, how worthy, how perfect, how exceptional, whenever you're ready, until then, please believe my words. 

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