Self Care...Different Things For Different People

                                                                                       

                                                                                 

                                                

                                                                                                                                     

                             

Hi!

One of the most popular phrases of our time is "self-care," it sounds awesome and essential, but what does it actually mean?

As part of the "Let's Talk" conversation, I think it's worth thinking about.

As I can only talk about life through my own filter, my own traumas, my own lens, I can really only define self-care as I feel it.

For me, and I'm sure I'm not alone, self-care comes in a variety of flavours. Sometimes, a long soak and a good book is what I need, sometimes, it's goofing off with grandbabies, sometimes, it's long walks in the fresh air, sometimes it's curling up on the couch with my honey watching movies, sometimes it's cranking the music and dancing like I'm a contender for the gold. 

I don't think I'm assuming too much by thinking that everyone has more than one version of self-care in their arsenal of tools.

If we aren't sure, there are many videos and articles with suggestions that might spark an idea that works for us. 

But, what I find, is having the tools isn't enough. Knowing we need to look after ourselves and actually doing so, are two very different things. 

How many of us wait too long before using what's in our toolboxes?

Why do we tend to wait until we are hanging on by our fingernails before we take that breath?

Why do we wait until we are overwhelmed before we ask for help?

We need to do better for ourselves. We need to check in with ourselves more often, reaching into that toolbox for small tune-ups instead of waiting until the dashboard is lit up like an overloaded Christmas tree. 

So, maybe it's a good idea to take stock of our toolboxes now and again to make sure that there are a variety of things in there, and that none of them do more harm than good in the long run. Sometimes what seems like a tool, can easily become a weapon. 

Like booze, like drugs, like too much junk food. What seems to be a positive type tool in the minute, can turn into a weapon we then wield upon ourselves pretty quickly, if we aren't paying close enough attention. 

Sometimes, it takes a deep study of ourselves to figure out what actually overwhelms us, stresses us, causes anxiety. Is it what seems obvious? Job, kids, money, surface things? Or, is it deeper than that? What is it about the job, exactly? What is it about the kids? Is money the real issue, or something it represents? 

Maybe, if a person digs a bit, and gets to the roots, we'd be able to rid ourselves of at least some of the weeds. 

We all have reasons we do the things we do. Reasons why we react the way we do. Reasons we perceive things the way we do.

We each look at, and walk through life carrying our very own unique and incredibly personal baggage. We carry our traumas and scars, most of which we bury far beneath the surface as to make sure no one sees them, or knows of their existence. We too, carry the skills, lessons, and tools we have gathered along the way. 

As we grow, we discover that some of the things we have held on to, fully thinking they were tools are actually weights we have been carrying that don't even belong to us. 

One example.

Being fiercely independent = We associate asking for help as weakness.

This is one of the things I struggle with. A tool that turns into a weapon I deploy upon myself on a pretty regular basis. 

Everybody has their stuff. We can have empathy and compassion but we can never truly walk in someone else's shoes, no matter how hard we try. But, kindness can go a long way. We don't need to fully understand in order to love someone through a hard time. 

So, my friends, please take care of yourselves, whatever that looks like for you.

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May we drop the weights from the baggage we carry, as they don't belong to us.

May we leave them behind, without guilt, there need not be fanfare, nor fuss.

May we take a beat to check in each day, and not wait for the alarms to ring.

May truly caring for ourselves become the norm, not just a trending thing.

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Let's Talk...Again...And Again

 

Hi! 

It's that time of year. 

In Canada, we have a mental health awareness movement called "Let's Talk" which has the day of focus falling this year, on Wednesday, Jan 24th. 

That's the day the spotlight shines brightest, but that light should not be allowed to dim throughout the rest of the year. Every day should have a focused on mental health. 

I don't think that means it becomes the only thing we focus on, it doesn't define us, and mental health is not about only those who suffer diagnoses. Mental health is for everyone to be aware of, be mindful of, take care of. 

Just like we should get checkups, and listen to our bodies when it comes to physical health, we should always pay equal attention to our mental health. Just like you don't need to be diagnosed with heart disease to gear your lifestyle toward maintaining a healthy heart, The same goes for your mental health. You don't need a diagnosis to take care, and gear your lifestyle toward maintaining good mental health. 

Life is hard at times. It becomes hard for everyone. Of course, there are different degrees of hard. Different definitions. Some people tend to panic when their bank account dips below $5000, while others' panic button doesn't even quiver until the final notices start appearing in the mail and they have no way of paying. 

Some find it hard to be in a crowded room, others thrive in that circumstance. Some have days when they struggle to get out of bed one day and feel like they can take on the world the next. Some carry themselves with an unshatterable positivity. Everyone has their quirks, their own triggers, their own trauma, their own coping mechanisms. Some cope with unhealthy tools, some cope through completely healthy means, and others just keep doing their best. There are still others who don't want to lift that veil, living in the land of denial, scared of what they may find. I think we, all of us, share aspects, carry pieces of all of the above. 

Each of us have bad days. Again, that is defined very differently by every single soul. None of us can truly walk in the shoes of another, but we can have compassion and be empathetic for people living in circumstances we don't share. We have to try to step outside of the view through our own lens and be willing to see clearly, without bias, without judgment, the truths of those who choose to share, and bare their hearts.  

To those who struggle, feel you are a burden, entertain thoughts of leaving this earth at your own hand...hear me.

If we don't hear the whispers, if we are oblivious to the subtle, please get louder. You are not alone, please reach out. In Canada, we have a national suicide hotline 9-8-8. If that feels too much, do less, but please do something. Whoever you reach for may not say the perfect things, but give them a chance. Give someone the chance to listen. We need you here. We need you to stay. We need you to trust that joy will find you, even if you can't see that right now.

You are worthy of every happiness. You are enough just as you are. You are perfectly you, and you are precious. If you can't feel that right now, that's okay. Just please hear it, and hold it until you are able to take it in, receive it. 

You matter.

Discussing mental health is not a talk that only happens once. It's not a one-and-done kind of conversation. It's life. Like talking about sex, relationships, developing life skills, there are initial age-appropriate talks to break the ice, taking away feelings of taboo. But, then those conversations need fleshing out, they need countless revisitations, expanding, always ending in a to-be-continued state. 

Cracks are beginning to show in the stigma. Let's shatter what's left of it. 

Let's Talk. 

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May you find the strength and courage to reach as far and wide as you need to be heard.

May you accept how precious you are, how worthy, how perfect, how exceptional, whenever you're ready, until then, please believe my words. 

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The Discarded...

 Hi!

So what are you doing this weekend?

Well, where I call home, most of us will be sticking as close to our houses as possible. The awesome, mild weather we were enjoying is obviously over with temps dipping to our usual dangerous, hurts-to-breathe, stay outside longer than a few minutes, and lose appendages, type crap. 

The crazy thing is the -41 doesn't take into consideration the wind. With the wind it's much more likely to feel like -50 or worse... yay.

So here we sit. Cold, with about 8 hours separating daybreak from darkness.

Your frozen tentacles threaten to grip my spirit, your darkness wants to strip away my joy.

You want to hold me captive within my four walls, making each breath a penance for some imaginary wrong. The treacherous ice and snow provide a greedy exchange with unsteady steps, bruises for the lucky, casts for those not so. 

You strip away our blinders as it is impossible not to think of those without the luxury of four walls. Those who weather the dark and the bitter cold with little more than things others have deemed not important enough to keep. We donate only what we are willing to discard. I don't know how those who are without can't feel the same. Discarded. 

We live in warm places, with comfortable beds and full bellies. We have support when we have times of struggle. We have people to love us through our diagnoses, our addictions, the very things that would put us exactly where they are if those supports were knocked from beneath our feet. 

There has to be a better way.

While some obsess about cutting calories, others are digging food out of dumpsters. While some rattle around in mansions where staff represents the majority of the occupants, others bear the cold, covered in nothing but ill-fitting, worn-out discards.

What if the mega-churches with the tv preachers that like to scream otherisms at the top of their lungs, built mega-shelters instead. What if they sold their private jets and fed the hungry. What if the Vatican stopped spouting nonsense about putting an end to surrogacy, and put their energy and money into the problem of homelessness and addiction that they had a heavy hand in creating through the horror that was their residential schools. What if the super-rich invested in low-income housing instead of ego-driven trips to space. 

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As I sit in my cozy home, a warm blanket tucked around my feet, tapping away at the keys of this laptop, I am painfully aware of my privilege. 

I do what I can. But, at times, it seems pointless.

I guess I just can't wrap my head around having the means to make a real difference, but simply refusing to do so.  

To the Jeff Bezoses, Bill Gateses, Oprahs, and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world. You could fix this if you wanted to. All you'd have to do is settle for a smaller boat, maybe one less mansion, get rid of a car or two. You wouldn't even feel it. Not really. 

In the meantime, local governments need to do better to lift the cold, the hungry, the addicted, those who struggle with mental health, the discarded. They need to be the support, provide the support that is obviously missing. In a country as rich as ours, none of our citizens should be struggling to keep warm. 

But for circumstance, it would be me, it would be you, it would be our kids, it would be any of us. 

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May we do better. 

It Was Only A Matter Of Time...

 

Hi!

Well, up to this point, this winter, we have been left basically snowless. It's not a very popular opinion where I hang my hat, but I was okay with the snowlessness. In fact, I would relish the opportunity to have a heartfelt yearning for it. 

It was only a matter of time. Although climate change is really beginning to impact our weather patterns, we have yet to reach the point of a completely snowless winter in Saskatchewan. If/when that happens, I just hope it's gradual enough to allow our farmers to adapt.

There are more and more people on the planet to feed, fewer acres to work with, and weather patterns are becoming more extreme and more unpredictable. I'm absolutely no expert, by the furthest stretch of the imagination, but I can't help but wonder what will be growing in the fields that surround me twenty years from now. Will it still be canola? Flax? Wheat? Or will it have to be something totally different to accommodate the new and different growing season, the new rainfall patterns, the different temperatures? 

Adapting will be essential. Time will tell how that will all play out. 

In the meantime, we do what we can to slow the process down, as best we can. Some of the bigger initiatives seem pointless, even a bit silly. Like banning plastic shopping bags but not putting any restrictions on manufacturers about the amount of plastic used in packaging... for everything. Electric cars are fantastic in theory, but they don't work great in -30C, charging takes a long time, and there are other glitches that don't make them completely practical, at least where I live. 

The powers that be, I think, are moving in the right direction, they have the recipe, they know what they want the end product to be, but it seems the proportions and methods are still off a bit. If they want something awesome when all is said and done, they need to tweek the recipe, not give up, just... adjust. 

Each of us can do little things. Only we know if we are really doing all we could be doing. It's a very individual, personal thing. But we know, even if we pretend we don't. 

We, as the totality of humanity, are living in a time of historical significance. We are recovering from a global pandemic, and everything that entails. We are still only discovering the ripples that we couldn't predict would, could, and are still being felt. Right-wing, anti-democracy forces are trying to circumvent and destroy inclusive ideology and progression. Their only agenda seems to be to spread as much hate and mistrust as they can, making life as hard as possible for those whom they consider "different."A lack of critical thinking is plaguing our citizens. 

We, as the totality of humanity, are living in a time of historical significance. We can be spectators, choose apathy, and watch the dystopia that is depicted in almost every futuristic movie come to fruition, or we can stand up and do something about it.

I know that sounds daunting, but it doesn't have to be. It boils down to a very simple philosophy. 

Be very aware that the skin you live in and the circumstances into which you are born requires neither talent nor intelligence, it's happenstance. So any feeling of superiority is, on its face, ridiculous. Act accordingly. Live accordingly. Visceral kindness can solve everything. 

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May we find it within ourselves to do all we need to do to give future generations the amazing lives we've always promised. 

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