HappyFather's Day!
With everything that is going on right now, it can be easy to overlook some of the simple things that make life worthwhile.
Celebrating Dads, for instance...
This writing adventure has put me in the path of a lot of young parents. They sometimes message me with questions, seeking advice, or just reassurance. Now, I have never represented myself as any form of expert, never claiming to have any fancy letters follow my name. I am just a person who has spent the majority of her life taking care of littles.
So, in celebration of Dadhood...
A lot of the young dads out there have said their biggest fear is that because their own dad was abusive, neglectful, or absent, they will repeat the behavior.
To these dads, I say this... All you can do is strive every day to be the Dad you wished for as a kid. Know you aren't perfect, nobody is.
A lot of young dads are paralyzed by the responsibility that consumes them as they hold that first bundle of joy in their arms.
To these dads, I say this... Try your best, every day, to make your parenting decisions from a place of love and not fear, anger, frustration, or stress. The rest has a way of working itself out.
A lot of young dads are afraid of the world their littles will grow up in.
To these dads I say this... Every good parent, mom or dad, have held this fear. For years, decades, centuries, heck, likely since humans started walking upright. Every generation has had its upheaval, its own type of scary, things unfamiliar to what the previous generation grew up with. Civil wars, wars fighting for independence, world wars, civil revolutions, sexual revolutions, the liberation of genders, and sexual orientations. Progress can't happen without discomfort. You'll never protect your child from every ugliness of the outside world, nor should you want to. Your job is to do your level best to give them the tools to navigate the world around them. Fight the urge to wrap them in bubble wrap. You're not raising children you're raising adults. That being said, kids should never be burdened with adult issues. Let kids be kids, but when they ask questions answer them honestly, age appropriately, but honestly.
All any of us can do is our best. None of us can succeed at it every single day. We mess up. We lose patience. We say things we shouldn't. We make wrong decisions about countless things.
Yup. We're human. There are a ton of parenting books out there, sadly, babies don't read. Every infant is different, every toddler is different, every child, tween, teen, and young adult is different.
There will be days when you feel that you are at your limit. Days when you will be tempted to quit, and just do what's easiest. All I can tell you is... don't. You forfeited the right to give up the minute you became a parent. Reach out for help, take a walk, take a breath, take a bath, do what you need to do to get your legs under you, but don't quit. You can't. If it was easy, everybody would do it.
Remember to have fun. Enjoy! Not every decision is life and death. Have the tea parties in tutus, the sword fights with ninja masks, the video game tournaments, the bike rides, the bonfires, the conversations about likes, dislikes, friends, and enemies. Figure out what lights them up and encourage that. What lights them may change, but their confidence will grow.
Your child may know you love them, but watch them gain a whole new level of shine when they realize how much you like them.
Celebrate your Dadness, the jokes the bod, all of it.
On a more personal note, I want to wish my hubby a very happy Father's Day. He's been an amazing Daddy to our four daughters and seems to be doubling down as a Grandpa.
On our very first date, some 35 years ago, I told him I wanted 6 kids. He didn't blink. We compromised with four, and haven't looked back since.
Our girls never had to question whether or not their Daddy had their back. They never had to guess whether or not he would support them in any way he could. They have never had to wonder if he would help them. They have never had to doubt their Dad's love and commitment to them, their Mom, and our family. The fixing of bikes, wagons and countless other toys, the late-night rescues, and pickups from snowbanks and bush parties, the teaching how to change oil and a flat tire, the tendency to take in strays, the reinforcement that their value, their worth was not tied to their looks, the importance of being a good human. All of it. Dadhood.
So, thank you, my Honey for being such a great Dad to our girls, such a fantastic Grandpa to our grandbabies, and such an incredible husband, and friend to me.
Happy Father's Day.
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Today, June 19th is Juneteenth.
A significant day in history that never made it into any of the history books. If it did, I apologize, but it definitely wasn't something I was taught in school, neither was my hubby or our kids or anyone else I've talked to about it.
So, it signifies a day 2.5 years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation. Two and a half years that slave owners in Texas didn't bother to tell their slaves that they were, in fact, free. Two and a half freakin' years!
This is a celebration to signify the last of the slaves being freed. Free is a great word, but as long as people are getting shot in their beds, shot in the back, being profiled, being treated unfairly simply because of the colour of their skin, they aren't really free. Freedom is when all humans are held in the same esteem, are shown equal respect, are given the same opportunities. Period.
Happy Juneteenth!
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For my Dad,
May you know how much you're missed, your grin, your laugh, your mischief. your presence.
May you see the best pieces of you are still here, running wild, wearing your gestures, completely unintended.
May you know that now, when memories flood, the happy vastly outnumber the sad.
May you know, even though, at times, our relationship was hard, I absolutely love that you were my Dad.
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