Happy Anniversary!

 

Hi!

Happy Anniversary, Canada! Happy-ish Anniversary to our Neighbours to the South? Happy Anniversary to my hubby and I celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary!

First, the personal one...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... statistically, he and I, as a couple, simply should not exist, let alone be standing strong. I became pregnant three months after we met. I was 19, he, 21. It was 1985. We had very different experiences growing up. Our wedding in '87, yes, in the 1900's, was a textbook example of Murphy's Law on steroids. We have faced so many shit storms, sometimes it feels like that's all there is. 

But... we're still here.

It hasn't been a script from the romcoms that Hollywood likes to make us believe marriage and relationships are. You know the ones. Where they meet, they don't like each other, then they do, then they get through some kind of conflict together, and it's happily ever after.

Yeah... no.

Long term relationships are messy. They are hard. They are also beautiful. They can simultaneously be your greatest source of peace and stress. There is never only one thing to focus on, one problem to solve. The problems are never all the same size, or of the same importance. 

Rough patches are inevitable, but so are the fantastic times. 

I believe the trick is taking moments to step back from life's chaos, take a good look at the one you've partnered up with, and remember what you are capable of... together. The joy you can bring to each other, the safe space you are for one another, the family you've created, the life you have built... together. 

Some unsolicited advice...

When, and I do say when, you argue, do so with purpose. Fighting in circles solves nothing. aim at solutions.

Never demean or insult your partner publicly, or privately. You are their person. You need to be protective of who they are. 

Be trustworthy. Once broken, deep trust is nearly impossible to bring back completely.

Keep promises, both big and small. Don't force your partner to be constantly in suspense as to whether or not you are going to do the things you say you will. 

None of us are perfect. Be accountable.

Don't expect your partner to be the same person they were when you met. They can't be. They shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. It's called growth. 

Be there for each other. Always. 

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Okay, that's it for the personal stuff...

July 1st was Canada Day... 

Like many countries, Canada has a messy and complicated history. The Indigenous Peoples that were here long before our ancestors knew this place existed, were subjected to horrific treatment. Attempted genocide was put in place through different strategies, over multiple decades. The realities of that horror still echo through our systems, sticking to generations that are just now learning to walk. All the beautiful cultures, languages, traditions, and the pride in all of it became the target of bigotry and ignorance.

We can't undo the past, but we can take steps, although, so far, they have been far too slow and clumsy, to listen. To learn. To respect. To honour, not how we think we should, but as is required. 

I can't pretend to understand all the intricacies of treaties written. All I know, is our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and, in some cases, our great-great-grandparents, immigrants, landed on these shores with such entitlement, with such arrogance, and on horses so high, you couldn't see the ground. We tried to absolutely obliterate the entirety of indigenous cultures, but no matter what we did, they survived. After all of that, we need to do everything required to help them thrive, as they did before we threw our shadow upon their shores. 

In the 158 years of Canada's existence, things like residential schools existed, and were operational up to, and until, the last 27 of them. 1998. That's 131 years of blatant racism. That doesn't even take into consideration the systems that still target, but in just more subtle ways. 

Yes, our past is dark, we are far from perfect, but I think things are moving in the right direction. It took generations to do the damage, it will take generations to find solutions. We need to prove we are trustworthy. Danielle Smith, and those who think like her, are not part of those solutions. 

So, should we celebrate Canada Day? I think so, but in ways that respect those who were here first. 

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Now, as for our neighbours...

Happy-ish 4th of July?

What the hell is going on with you guys?! 

The people you voted for, who are supposed to be representing you, are dismantling what you stood for at such a pace you don't even look like yourself anymore!

Travel advisories are going up all over the world warning people not to visit you!

Masked men in unmarked vans are scooping people up willy-nilly and taking them to places with names like alligator alcatraz?!

They are locking people up for making fun of JD? I mean, come on! The guy IS a meme, for crying out loud!

The rest of us are stepping away from the crazy, at least for now. IF you get to vote again, hopefully it's for somebody, I don't know, sane? Competent? Not a felon? Once that happens, let us know. In the mean time, we are going to hang out with some old friends we've grown much closer to, as of late. 

You guys need to do something before you are taken to a point where recovery is impossible. You, as a people, have a reputation of resilience, of provoking change, and an unyielding thirst for freedom. It's the civil rights movement 2.0. You got this. 

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