Sunday, August 14, 2016

The Oldlimpics!


Like many of you out there, I have been watching the Olympics, on and off, for the last week. As I sit upon my 50 year old butt, holding down my reclining couch, drinking my evening tea, I can't help but admire these kids as they accomplish all of these feats of speed, strength, agility and flexibility. And, they do all of it, as billions of people watch, judge, and scream at their tv's from said reclining couches. Or maybe that's just me.

I wonder what the Olympics would look like if no one under the age of 50 were allowed to participate.

For instance, some of the events might include:

Trampoline-ish: No routine required, if you stay on your feet for more than 30 seconds and can still walk when you touch solid ground- you win.

Beach Volleyball- First- the uniforms would need a bit of redesigning-

-footwear would be required- socks with crocks- in the colours of the country they represent, of course.
-shorts-khaki cargos- duh
-shirts- t-shirts with ever-so-slightly inappropriate sayings on them, all in varying degrees of sexual innuendo, that, they, of course, feel the need to read to people and explain.


Well, basically, an extra strength, anti-gravity version of what most of the girls are wearing. Oh, but, with a gorgeous bathing suit cover.

The actual games would become much shorter, and it wouldn't be juice and water they are drinking during the time-outs!

High Jump -


Personally, I don't know a single person 50 or over who would be willing to run around for an hour and a half on a huge field in the heat and humidity for...well...anything.


I, personally, can fall off of things at will. A diving board wouldn't be that big of a stretch. I'm pretty sure gravity would take care of the rest. I know from personal experience the breadth of it's power.

Running (any and all)

I gotta give this another no. Although, I do know some people my age and older that do run for fun, I have got to say, I know a LOT more that don't. Bad knees, past injuries, and years of hard labour have taken their toll. Unless there is a pissed off bear in the picture, ummm..... nope.


I'm just not sure if it's a good idea to tell menopausal women they are allowed to actually hit people and get points for it.



In this version of the Oldlimpics, that would likely be it for traditional events, with the exception of golf. I know several 80+ years olds that can still play a pretty kick ass round of golf.

I do, however think there would be room for some new events.


You are required to sit on the floor, cross-legged, without moving, for 2 hours.  The first one to get up, without so much as one snap, crackle, pop or groan, and get to the bathroom, wins.


Not what you're thinkin' - here, each competitor picks a physical skill they could do 1 decade ago, 2 decades ago, etc. (hoola hoop, roller skate, you get my drift ) Whomever reaches the furthest into their childhood, wins.

Last but not least:

500 Metre Scavenger

Each competitor is given a list of every day objects to memorize. (car keys, a pen, cell phone etc.) Every 50 metres along the distraction-filled course, there will be a doorway, and just beyond that doorway, a station that will contain one of the objects from the list, along with several decoy objects. The one who collects all of the objects, forgetting none, wins.

Could be interesting...............I'd watch it.


It's been another busy week.

We attended a surprise anniversary party for my brother and sister-in-law and had a great time.

We caught up with some camping family and spent the day hanging out and doing a good chunk of nothing.

We worked hard at the shop, which is hopping right along............

I received some marketing materials for upcoming Flitflee and other book events.

I was able to finish another chapter in the novel I'm working on. It's starting to feel like I'm making some real progress.....

I signed up for another couple of tradeshows for the fall and early winter...........

As for the next while..........

Tomorrow will be spent putting together a bit more marketing material, dropping off some copies of Flitflee Flanderfoodle at McNally Robinson in Saskatoon.

Hopefully get a chance to see my daughter's new digs..............

Work the shop..............

Squeeze some grandbabies...................

Take another whack at that novel.............

Until then folks, I'll leave you with this wish..............

May your jumps be high and your landings soft, your medals worn with pride.
May the accomplishment of just getting to this level not be lost, not be forgotten, or shoved aside.

May you hear our cheers, feel our applause, as you do what we can only dream.
May you see that your joy is contagious, thank you, some fun is exactly what we all need.

May you take it all in, this amazing experience, this incredible piece of your history.
May you allow it into the deepest part of your soul, a prize beyond gold, your most precious memory.

Until next time,

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